Once we fall in love, making our relationship work becomes a central priority in our lives. When you’re in love, you want your relationship to last forever, right?
The truth is that all romantic relationships go through ups and downs and they all take work, commitment, and a willingness to adapt and change with your partner.
But, as with everything in life, things don’t always go as planned. Relationships are complicated and it can be a challenge to build, let alone, maintain, a healthy one.
Sometimes, it’s evident from the beginning that a relationship couldn’t possibly work in the long-term; that two people are just not right for each other.
Here are the four most important signs that your relationship is probably headed toward its demise.
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1. You Have Different Priorities
You know what they say when it comes to relationships: timing is everything. How many times have you heard someone say that they met the right person at the wrong time?
In order for a relationship to work, the timing needs to be right, meaning that the two people involved need to be at a place in their lives where they can put their relationship first. Or, at least, they can significantly invest in it.
Another important aspect of the “right timing” is the fact that the people involved in the relationship need to have somewhat similar priorities in their life.
For example, if you’re at that phase of your life where you want to settle down, get married, and have four kids, it would be impossible to make it work with someone who all they care about is travel the world, meet new people or pursue their career.
You would need a person who would be ready to settle down, focus on your relationship, and create a future with you.
The takeaway is, people need to have similar priorities in their lives in order to create a future together and make their relationship last in the long-term.
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2. You Have Different Mindsets
I’ve always found it hard to form a relationship with someone with a different mindset from mine, let alone pursue a relationship with them.
Now, here’s the tricky part about the word “different”. Different is good. We’re all different. We come from different backgrounds, were raised in different families, and have been shaped by different experiences.
If we were all the same, dating would be awfully boring and our range of choices would be extremely limited.
But, it’s one thing to have a different taste, let’s say in music or food, and another to have a completely different mindset about life.
Having different mindsets with someone equals struggle in communication and an inability to understand each other, leading, eventually, your relationship to a dead end.
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3. You’re Both Unwilling/Unable to Make Any Compromise
“We all get lots of people. And maybe we don’t always get to have them the exact way we want them, but if we can figure out a way to compromise, you know, then we can keep them all.”
― John Corey Whaley
Without compromises, a relationship is bound to fail.
Compromise is pretty damn difficult. I know it, you know it, everybody knows it. Yet, it is essential for a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
When you’re sharing your life with someone, communication isn’t the only necessary skill to build something great and be happy together…compromise is a big part of it too.
Discussing your issues and working together towards a common solution will make your relationship and, consequently, your life a better place to be.
Now, if you notice that your partner or yourself seem to struggle with making any kind of compromise, it probably means that this relationship isn’t right for either of you.
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4. You Feel Like Something’s Missing
You know that feeling when you’re in a happy relationship with a person that treats you right and respects you but it still feels like something’s missing?
That is a huge sign that this relationship is not the right one for you.
Because, let’s be honest here: when you meet the one, you simply know it. When it’s right, it feels right.
Clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior, states :
“It’s a bad sign if there is always a sense that the relationship could be satisfying if only a certain thing fundamentally changed. Yes, many relationships go through phases where things don’t feel quite right, but in the case of a relationship that constantly feels like it needs fixing, true satisfaction will always feel just out of reach.”
All relationships go through tricky phases when things feel wrong and complicated. But, when that feeling doesn’t go away when you constantly feel like there’s always one more thing that needs to be done, that needs changing, or improvement in your relationship, chances are you’d be better off ending the relationship.
Bonior continues, advising:
“Does your relationship feel 90 percent good, but that other 10 percent is something that nags at you every day and never feels quite solvable? Sometimes, that can be a sign that you’ll never fully fit together well.”
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5. You Don’t Look Forward to Seeing Them
There is no bigger sign that a relationship is doomed if you don’t look forward to seeing your partner and spending as much time as possible with them.
Enjoying spending time with your partner, regardless of what you’re doing together, is often one of the fundamental parts of a relationship.
So when this part is missing, it might mean that your relationship is headed toward its demise. It’s like you have already begun the break-up process in a passive way.
If you’ve gone from “God, I’m so excited to see them” to “God, how I’m gonna avoid seeing them again”, you might want to rethink your relationship.
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Final Thoughts
Every relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons.
If it worked like the movies, we would all meet our prince charming, badass pirate, or handsome motorcyclist right away.
But the truth is, not every relationship in your life is going to work and not all people you choose to date are gonna be a good match for you.
Thus, it’s important that at the beginning of your relationship, you pay attention to the above signs that could help you understand that it’s bound to fail sooner than later.
That could save you a lot of valuable time, pointless investment, and heartache.
Remember: you can’t always save a relationship. Sometimes, it takes two for it to work and the other person might simply not be the right one for you.
Always learn from your experiences and strive to do better in your next relationship. When it’s right, you’ll know it.
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Previously published on “Hello, Love”, a Medium publication.
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Photo credit: 德綱 曾 on Unsplash