Nice guys don’t have to finish last.
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Now, before you raise an eyebrow at me, consider this: when was the last time you rejoiced after a woman offered you to be friends?
Every man, on hearing the dreaded “I just want to be friends” understands that what it really means is this: “Sure, I will let you take me out—absolutely, we can continue to discuss 18th century Russian Literature and enjoy the ballet! But afterwards, I will go home and have a hot two-hour wild and fiery sex session with Joe the electrician, whom I met at the club last week.”
Doesn’t sound good, does it? So why are so many of you putting yourselves in a situation that will never end in anything but a good night peck on a cheek? You may be that great guy who is always there for her, who treats her kindly and listens to her complaints about ex-boyfriends and unfair bosses; who nods a lot and agrees with her, but guess what? She DOES appreciate you as a friend but sees absolutely no romantic potential in you. Yes, NONE whatsoever, because she does not want a “friend” for a partner or a lover. She wants a strong, confident leader on whom she can rely to get her out of tough situations—he who will be a protector to her should she need one and a passionate and (not just) caring lover.
Gentlemen, once you are relegated to a “friend zone,” it is almost impossible to get out. So how do you avoid “becoming a friend” in a first place?
1. IT IS ALL IN YOUR MIND
You need to believe in your own sexuality. Women will buy what you are selling only if YOU believe in it. The minute we smell doubt—we’re out of there.
2. FLIRT
Flirting is an art. Develop it, refine it, use it
3. KEEP IT LIGHT
Discussing philosophy can be erotic (if it is a subject that interests you both), as long as it is intermingled with a few jokes and some flirting. If the discussion becomes too intense, it will lose a sexual momentum for both of you. There will be a time for deep conversation later- but you will have to safely pass the ‘friend-zone’ obstacles first.
4. CREATE SEXUAL TENSION
If I know I can have you, I will lose interest. Women want what is difficult to attain. If a woman thinks you’ll be at her feet at a snap of a finger, you lost her respect. If she is unsure – she will try harder.
5. SHOW HER YOUR INTENTION
If, at the end of a first date, you are not kissing her good night, you might as well kiss this relationship goodbye. The first kiss should never be a wet and sloppy twenty-minute-tongue-in-throat-calisthenics. It should be a sensual, brief indication of the pleasure to come.
Always leave her wanting more!
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Photo: Brieuc Saffré/Flickr
Marina’s piece first appeared on NYSocials.
“If I know I can have you, I will lose interest. Women want what is difficult to attain. If a woman thinks you’ll be at her feet at a snap of a finger, you lost her respect. If she is unsure – she will try harder. ” “Marina Margulis is a Founder and CEO of New York Socials. She is regarded as a top matchmaker and dating coach in New York. ” This is one of the most brain-dead things in some people, I swear. If I know I can “have” a woman, it doesn’t turn me off, if anything… Read more »
Your thinking man brain. Women’s brains are different and women’s mating strategy is different. Women can have sex anytime they want, as a woman on Craigslist put it having sex is like ordering pizza. Being a man for you sex is a serious amount of hard work and much harder to achieve. The difficulty becomes the driving factor in desire. For women who can have sex anytime just by looking cute in order to drive their desire they need a bit of a challenge. That challenge is what drives their desire. You already have a built in challenge so you… Read more »
@ Archy,
Now you know why so many men are increasingly turning to porn, prostitutes, and escorts. Many others have simply thrown in the towel having concluded that women simply are not worth the effort.
Sad but true.
I don’t blame them. I surely hope I can find a woman who isn’t like this, is it an American thing or a city thing mostly?