How to use technology to get closer to your lover, in every sense of the word.
Today’s mentality regarding technology and relationships tends toward the opinion that the two don’t go together.
The misleading idea that the interaction between technology and relationships actually leads to ruined relationships is, in fact, supported within the media and by recent research. According to a 2014 study by VitalSmarts, 89 percent of people believe technological devices are ruining relationships, mainly due to the frequency of people being on their phones in other’s company (Crucial Applications). I would argue, however, that it’s not the tool but how you use it.
Here are five ways you can utilize technology to improve both your relationship and your sex life.
#1 — Scheduling
You can benefit from scheduling many parts of your relationship, from activities as simple as breakfast to those that are a little “naughty.” Scheduled time together has been shown to foster stronger relationships (The Date Night Project, 2012, University of Virginia). Couples that spend dedicated time together at least once a week indicated they were more than three times as likely to say they enjoyed stronger levels of communication and sexual satisfaction, and more than twice as likely to say they experienced greater levels of commitment. Technology makes scheduling easier through sharing online calendars and reminders. It is a simple way you can reduce the stress of planning, increase anticipation, and remind yourself and your partner that the relationship is a priority.
#2 — Sexting
Technology offers the opportunity to stimulate desire through “sexting,” sending flirty or dirty messages to each other via text, snapchat, and other apps, and spicing up your electronic communication. Therapist and best-selling author Ester Perel states, “While love seeks closeness, desire needs space to thrive. That’s because love is about having, and desire is about wanting” (Mating in Captivity: The Intricacies of Love and Desire, 2013). Building desire can also come from sexing-up normal communication. A sensual photo or compliment will build more sexual tension than, “How’s your day going?”
#3 — Virtual sex toys
Virtually linked toys add unique sexual excitement and pleasure to a relationship. Desire can decrease in a relationship over time and toys like the Lovense can spark your old fire. It comes with two pieces, one each for a male and a female partner. Each piece can be controlled remotely by a special app that alters the vibration, rotation and pressure of each toy. It even has recordable video chat. Some virtual toys are more discreet, like the Vibease, and are intended to be used in public. This toy is a wearable vibrator that fits in her panties. Completely silent, it can be controlled from anywhere through an app. Couples that play together, especially when they are apart, stay together.
#4 — Fitness trackers
Fitness trackers can be used to whip your relationship into shape, in and out of the bedroom. Research has shown that couples that exercise together are more likely to stick with fitness programs, and be more satisfied and in love with their partner (from Psychology Today, 2014, study by Aron, Norman, Aron, & Heyman, 2000). Use a fitness tracker to challenge your partner. Or work up your sweat in the bedroom by comparing calories burned or heart-rates during orgasms.
#5 — Subscription services
Overtime in a relationship it can be hard to come up with exciting new dates. Today there are subscription services such as DateBox (strictly dates) and The Fantasy Box (for the bedroom), that will plan a unique date night for you. DateBox creates an individual profile for your relationship, plans a monthly date, and includes conversational suggestions and explains how they can be used to deepen your relationship. The Fantasy Box includes lingerie, toys, and questionnaires to help a couple explore a themed fantasy. Both services can help you guarantee a unique date night to increase your intimacy and fun.
Technology doesn’t have to be a romance killer. Used properly and with intention, it can help add variety, and give greater significance to your relationship. Instigating fun, sexuality, and showing your partner they are a priority in any way you can, will only lead to a better relationship, and better sex. Technology, used correctly, can be one way to make that easier.
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