You’re hanging with a good friend, and your phone goes off, ‘Ding!’. You casually glance at it, and the message makes you smile. Several dings later and you’re fully immersed in a back and forth exchange occasionally glancing up to observe your surroundings when you notice your friend appears agitated and completely unengaged. You ask them to repeat their question, and they snap back at you, “If you weren’t so into your phone, you would have heard what I said!” You find out later that your good friend’s mom has come down with a serious illness and they aren’t taking it very well.
Way to go.
Texting and social media have made it convenient to have detached but seemingly engaged interactions on the go. You can interface with multiple people in a short time while carrying on with whatever occupies you at the moment. Some of us even choose to text in rather intimate moments or moments where we really should be fully present.
Between driving from location to location and meals with the people we care about, texting is likely the first thing we do when we wake up, the last thing we do before we go to bed, and the interaction most had throughout the day.
The downside to this convenience is that we learn to juggle interactions without fully committing to one. You might mentally check off the box that you spoke to ‘so and so’ today and therefore don’t need to talk or see them in person. You also might be spending quality time with a friend or family member while constantly shuffling through the incoming messages unknowingly, making them feel as though you aren’t fully present.
Here are five ways to be more present and intentional in your relationships:
1) Silence Your Phone
There’s nothing more distracting than the constant ‘ding’ while you’re trying to give your attention to someone else. Successive ‘dings’ may create anxiety in you that perhaps something is wrong or requires your attention right away. The easy fix is to silence those sounds until a mutual break from that interaction has been made- perhaps by them reaching for their phone first!
2) Do Not Disturb
Suppose you’re like me (I keep my phone on silent at all times,) then you might compulsively check your phone screen for notifications so as to be aware of what’s going on in as close to real-time as possible. Constantly tapping your screen or turning over your phone may come across as disinterested or in a hurry. The DND (do not disturb) option will come in handy because it suppresses notifications and sounds of all kinds while the option is active. There are manual options for DND and interval options that allow you to suppress notifications for a certain period of time.
3) Scheduled Time
An easy way to budget your time and remain fully present is to pre-schedule it. You can be upfront about how much time you have to spare before your next task takes ahold, or you can remain flexible in allocating a said amount of time with the allowance that if you’re really enjoying the interaction, you will remain engaged indefinitely. This is the ultimate life hack for those interactions with long-winded individuals you want to share your time with, but don’t want to be tied up with all night.
4) Initiate the Interaction
What demonstrates intentionality more than taking the initiative? If you haven’t seen or heard from someone important to you in a while, take the initiative to reach out to them via phone, video call, or invite them out for a quick bite to eat or drink. You’ll make them feel appreciated, special even, and you can apply any or all of the previous steps into making it a fully present interaction.
5) Pick Up the Tab
Now hold on here, I’m not telling you to break the bank every time you go out with a friend. Picking up the tab spontaneously can demonstrate that you enjoyed their company and set the tone for a follow-up, letting them know you want to do it again. Although the gesture can be refused or rebutted with a “let’s go half” scenario, you can certainly make it a point to say, “How about you get it next time?”
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Photo Credit: WAYHOME studio on Shutterstock
