You believed it…that’s okay…you find your soulmate, sail off into the sunset, and live happily ever after.
Even if you don’t believe it, we unconsciously operate as we do.
We marry or settle in a long-term relationship expecting that exhilarating high to keep us going.
It’s okay to think this way, who wants to think of anything but positivity in the relationship.
You know that the partner is right for you, and you build your family unit.
Life throws the occasional punches. However, you can keep going and there is no worry in your mind about the relationship.
It is everything you hoped for and more.
As career, family, and the responsibilities of life bear down, you realize that it isn’t the honeymoon phase anymore.
The daily cares wear down upon you and you find yourself exhausted at the end of the day, unable to discuss anything beyond the children’s schedule for the next day and who is dropping and collecting.
It seems innocent as well, after all this is what life and creating your own family is about.
Eventually you realize that you are living with a partner who is a stranger!
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The fantastic characteristics that made you want to build a family with your partner seems to have faded.
You barely have time for yourself, far less for each other.
The daily toil and responsibilities eliminates any time for talking and maintaining that honeymoon phase.
How then do you keep the love going even when you feel that you are at home with a stranger?
Understand that love is not a feeling and though you don’t have the feeling of love, doesn’t mean that you don’t love them — If we determined any of our relationships by feelings only we would leave even ourselves if possible!!
Feelings come and go and so understanding that there are many factors that could contribute to this outside your partner will allow a level thinking even at times of these feelings manifesting.
Establish and keep a date night. Plan for childcare etc. Be relentless about honoring it on both your parts- Quite often we enter into a marriage or long term relationship and expect it will automatically continue as well as it had at the beginning.
Just like if you plant a tree and want it to produce fruits you would water it, nourish it and all that is necessary for healthy development.
It is similar with your relationship.
Putting a relationship on auto pilot will not allow it to stay with that level of intimacy as at the beginning. All successful relationships require work and being deliberate about spending time together helps.
Surprise with unexpected tokens of appreciation — tickets to a sports game, flowers whatever it is that your partner likes- Find simple ways to show appreciation to your partner, it helps keep the relationship connected. Be creative and daily remind each other of how much you appreciate them through words and actions.
Reignite the physical intimacy — Think outside the box and be creative in your intimacy with your partner- This is a key area after reconnecting on the emotional level.
Commit to spending small periods of time daily — It may be as little as ten minutes a day that you can pull aside from the responsibilities just to find out about each other’s day. It may be a short time period but it adds to maintaining that connection with your partner.
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Relationship success is not automatic.
It requires effort from both partners, by doing so, it goes a long way in keeping that ignition of love glowing even in the hectic times.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Nick Fewings on Unsplash