Healing from a breakup doesn’t happen overnight.
Like everything else, it takes time and effort. It requires immediate attention to certain things and a long-range plan for recovery. It requires taking massive action, even when doing so through tears, while screaming or both.
Getting back your life and starting over may not be easy or swift. It doesn’t matter whether the break up was mutual, happened yesterday, months or even years ago. These five physical actions can get you started on the road to freedom, where your life is your own again.
1. Change the locks.
When your former partner has had access to your keys or your home, change their locks upon their departure. Even if you still “trust” them or they live hundreds of miles away. Changing the locks is an empowering action and a better use of money than buying that expensive bottle of wine. You’ll sleep better, too.
2. Get rid of the mementos.
Whether tucked away neatly in a drawer, in a bowl on the coffee table or placed throughout your home, gathering up all these items is crucial. Even the notes, letters, ribbons from packages or flowers and wine corks. Matchbooks? Yes, those too. These remembrances of your time together must go–send them back or throw them out. Keeping them around will inhibit your healing. And looking at them when you’re feeling sad, won’t change things.
3. Pack up their belongings.
Even if you didn’t live together, you’ve got things in your space that make you think of the person who is no longer there. Books, artwork, clothes–theirs or pieces they purchased for you. Pack everything up. Sell the items you can, donate the rest. Clearing out their energy, means cleaning out their stuff. Unless you enjoy prolonging the agony.
4. Block them.
Everywhere. Block them on social media. Why on earth would you torture yourself by continuing to look at their profile, analyzing everything they post. Block their number on your phone. Engaging in text messages or phone conversations are no way to heal. Block their email or change yours. You won’t find the answers you’re seeking from your ex.
5. Delete. Delete. Delete.
Delete all your correspondence with your former lover. Everything! All the cute text messages, the photos they sent you, the memes and quotes. Delete the emails. Every last one of them. Re-reading these things will change what is going on today. Re-reading won’t help you understand what was going on then. And you sure won’t find answers to why it didn’t work out by reading these old messages. That was then; this is now. And right now, your goal is to heal and move on.
There are a lot of actions necessary when mending a broken heart and starting over. These are some of the tangible measures to start with. Even when you don’t do them correctly or entirely. I’m not suggesting you change a couple of locks and leave the rest to chance. Change all the locks!
Remember, it’s a process. If you end up keeping a memento, emails or artwork, you are not doomed to a life of unending pain. You’ll release them when you’re ready. What’s important now, is to get rid of as many potential emotional triggers as you can. Of course, if your breakup involves the legal system, you may want to err on the side of caution before selling things.