Psychologist and professor at Stanford University, Dr. Susan Edelman, said dating can feel like walking a tightrope—one wrong move, and you plummet.
Unfortunately, subtle actions can sometimes send the wrong messages and make potential partners run.
Fortunately, psychology has taken a lot of the guesswork out of dating for us to avoid falling into the trap of pushing your crush away without even realizing it.
Here are five of the most common subconscious behaviors you need to look out for.
Join The Best Dating Site worldwide.
- Putting them on a pedestal. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Mary Manley, having unrealistic expectations of your crush can do a lot more harm than help your chances with them. While there’s nothing wrong with having high standards for your potential partners, you need to be careful not to overwhelm them with too much pressure to live up to an idealized version you have of them in your head. In some cases, the inability to find a suitable partner is due to overly high expectations. Dr. Manley says, but if the bar is set too high in the hopes of finding the perfect partner, the right partner may be overlooked. Clinging too much, in her book “Relationship Saur: Overcoming the 10 Behaviors That Undermine Love,” clinical psychologist Dr. Randy Gunther wrote insecurity is the emotional experience of anticipated loss. People who are driven by it often feel vulnerable, unstable, and uncertain of their worth, which drives them to desperation to show this terrible fear of being discarded. People often act in ways that rob them of their self-respect and destroy the love they want so much to give and receive. Simply put, constantly seeking attention and validation from your crush will likely drive them away rather than pull you closer together.
- Too little space. We can all attest that having someone pursue us by not giving us enough space is a quick turnoff. According to Sylvia Smith, an expert blogger at marriage.com, giving someone enough space to fall in love with you is key. Neuroscientists have proven that seeking things and people activates the reward centers in our brain. So, if you’re always around and trying to spend all of your time with your crush, it’s more likely to cause them to distance themselves from you because appearing too available can actually make you less attractive to them, not more.
- Not being yourself. In his article “Five Ways We Push Away Love,” psychiatrist Dr. Vene Saranga says that many times people in a relationship let their fear of intimacy change who they are to their partner. This is a form of pushing away love because you’re withholding who you really are. By not being yourself and trying too hard to be someone you think they might like, you’re actually subconsciously pushing your crush away. They might get the sense that you’re not being genuine with them. Most people can’t fall in love with someone they don’t even know.
- Miscommunicating interest. Miscommunication ruins chances with your crush in two ways. The first is when you don’t communicate enough interest in them. While it might seem scary to let your crush know you have feelings for them, not being clear enough may cause them to feel uncertain about you. Your playing too hard to get might be miscued as rejection. The second type of miscommunication is communicating too much interest in other people. Acting too close with certain people, such as friends of the opposite sex, might make your crush mistake them for a romantic rival and back off altogether unless you clear things up for them.
- Mixed signals. Marriage and family therapist WEA Cullen states what we can interpret from mixed signals is that the other person hasn’t officially chosen to be consistent or commit to you. If you decide that consistency or commitment is what you need, then it will be easier to determine how to move forward in the relationship. In the words of the famous psychologist Carl Jung, “Until we learn to make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.”
Hopefully, learning about these common mistakes will also help you stop sabotaging your chances at romance and invite more love into your life. Did going through this list make you realize you might be unconsciously pushing your crush away? No matter your answer, it’s ultimately a good idea to try to be more open and honest with the other person about how you really feel, especially if you suspect they may feel the same way but are too hesitant to act on it.
As always if you enjoyed this we’d appreciate if you like the article, and if you are looking for a way to find through love around the world you can Join The best Dating site today that accepts everyone no matter where you’re from. Click here to join Now.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
From The Good Men Project on Medium
 |
 |
 |
 |
***
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—–
Photo credit: Moosa Moseneke on Unsplash
