52 Love Lessons I Learned in 2022

My girlfriend and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary in November 2022. The year was full of professional and personal changes in our lives, and our relationship didn’t remain unaffected.

Overall, our year was a beautiful collection of happy moments and the creation of positive memories. However, a considerable crisis in summer showed us where we needed to grow as a couple and individually.

I believe you can learn from the good and the bad times.

And when it comes to love, there is never enough to understand.

In 2022, I have learned a lot, so a different kind of yearly reflection seemed a good idea.

The result is this roundup of 52 love lessons I learned in 2022, in no particular order. Enjoy.

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1. Open and honest communication is the basis for long-lasting love

If I could pick only one love lesson I have learned in 2022, it would be this one. Our ability to communicate openly and calmly has saved my relationship with my girlfriend.

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2. Self-love is the basis for all love

After leaving home at 17 years old, I had to build up my self-esteem from ground zero. In my 20s, running was the gateway drug into personal development and put me on a journey of healing and growth.

I also learned what it meant to love myself.

In the past, I struggled in relationships because I didn’t love myself enough to stay true to myself. Only now, at 37, have I developed a healthy sense of self that allows me to love without feeling needy.

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3. Love is no guarantee of happiness

Even though I have the most loving, caring, and understanding partner, I was often unhappy in 2022. A partner can and should not fill that hole when your life is out of alignment with your values and lacking purpose.

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4. Love is a commitment to grow with each other

I am a personal growth junkie. I love to learn and become a better version of myself. This included becoming a better friend and partner. Throughout 2022 I have learned a lot about myself and my flaws. Luckily I have found a partner who loves me who I am now while giving me room and space to grow.

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5. Love is ever-changing

I don’t love my girlfriend every day the same. Some days it is fierce and passionate. Some days I feel deep knowing that she is the one I want to spend my life with. Some days I want to be with her every minute, and some days I want to see her for an hour.

How I feel for her is ever-changing. But it is always love.

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6. To love means to forgive

Forgive each other quickly. And forgive yourself. I had to forgive myself a lot this year.

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7. Love requires boundaries

The main reason for our relationship struggle in 2022 was a lack of boundaries. We were each afraid to clearly communicate our boundaries out of fear of hurting the other.

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8. Love is not everything, but without love, everything lacks meaning

Love gives meaning to our lives. The relationship with my girlfriend taught me more than any other that our actions become meaningless without love. A job you go to just for the money has no meaning to you. Infuse everything you do with love and watch your life change.

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9. You can never love enough

Trust me on that one.

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10. Love requires action to last

Love is more than just a feeling. Love is every action you take to show your partner love. Neglect the acting, and you will lose the feeling sooner or later.

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11. Busyness is the greatest enemy of love

I was ready to be fully present with my partner when I started to free myself of busyness. And our love has grown stronger as a result.

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12. Be brave to experience more love

Loving requires a lot of courage from me. Expressing my feelings and communicating my wants and needs is a struggle. But I chose to be brave often this year and was rewarded with more understanding and care than I had hoped for.

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13. Loving someone doesn’t mean abandoning yourself

One lesson my girlfriend taught me this year was that loving another doesn’t mean that you need to abandon your dreams. I had expressed that I felt this fear for various reasons. She repeatedly told me that I could still follow my dreams and gave me the space and time I needed to do so.

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14. Love doesn’t play the victim

When my partner and I struggled, we had one thing going for us. Neither of us played the victim. There was no blaming and shaming. Yes, we both were hurt and felt misunderstood. But we both were willing to listen and ready to understand. That saved our relationship.

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15. People can change, and you can love them the same

I don’t want to stay the same. And I don’t want my partner to stay the same. Instead, I want us to grow and learn from life experiences.

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16. Love is not needy or possessive

In past relationships, I have felt needy quite often. I wanted the other person to make me the center of their universe. I have changed a lot since then. The relationship I have now is rooted in knowing that we want but do not need each other.

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17. Love does not require jealousy

This is related to the previous point. Many people think jealousy is a sign of love. In truth, it’s a sign of not loving ourselves enough to trust that we are enough for our partner.

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18. Love is unconditionally

After several relationships where I didn’t feel accepted for who I was, I told myself I wanted a partner who loved me unconditionally. And sure enough, this is the love I have now.

My girlfriend put up with all the self-experiments and patiently watched. She doesn’t try to talk me out of something and doesn’t want me to change for her.

Likewise, I support her on her journey and don’t want her to change for me. Living and loving like this has been immensely freeing.

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19. Love requires attention

During our few months of living together, I felt increasingly lonely, despite seeing my partner more frequently. I missed the special moments we created when we were still living apart.

We have since implemented a weekly date night to ensure one evening in the week is dedicated exclusively to the two of us.

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20. Love doesn’t criticize

One day my girlfriend told me how amazed she was that I didn’t criticize her. To me, that is one of the reasons we have such a strong relationship.

We simply don’t waste time arguing over meaningless things, like who left the toothpaste open or how to sort plates into the cupboard.

And when we feel hurt, we don’t play the blame game and criticize. Instead, we try to express how the actions of the other made us feel and work out a solution.

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21. Love requires learning how others express and accept love

Going through a crisis this year taught my girlfriend and me a lot about what we each need to feel loved and safe.

Whereas I need to spend quality time, my girlfriend is happy simply when I am around, and we cuddle each night.

She was pleased when I moved in with her and her daughter because she saw me almost 24/7. I felt unhappy after a while because we had reduced our quality time.

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22. Love requires introspection

When you genuinely love, you stop trying to find faults in others. Instead, you ask yourself how you can be a better partner. When you have an argument, you take the time to think about how you contributed to the misunderstanding.

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23. No one can complete you, and there is no “better half”

Luckily my girlfriend and I never saw each other as “the better half.” Thinking I needed someone to complete me kept me lonely and heartbroken.

Only when I learned and truly accepted that I was already enough was I able to find lasting love.

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24. Attachment is not love

This is an extension of the previous point. In the past, I would form unhealthy attachments to the people I thought I loved.

I often adjusted my life and lifestyle according to the other person’s life. I would even change my goals sometimes.

Luckily I have grown a lot since then and can love without feeling the need to change for someone else.

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25. Your relationship reflects who you are

One of the reasons my girlfriend and I were able to navigate our crisis so well is that we are both committed to our own healing and growth.

We also both know we don’t need each other to be happy. Loving each other is a conscious choice. One that we each make again and again.

And one that allows us to bring happiness and a sense of self-worth into the relationship instead of relying on the other person to provide us with it.

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26. Love thrives in light of your truths

During the first year of our relationship, I was afraid to communicate my feelings, wants, and needs to my girlfriend. Especially when I feared rejection.

However, in 2022 it became apparent that I needed to learn to speak my truth if our relationship should last. So I try. And each time I express my needs, I become more comfortable.

All the bad things my subconscious thinks will happen simply don’t.

I found a partner who respects my needs and honors my boundaries as much as her own.

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27. Love requires acceptance

Both my girlfriend and I have quirks and strange habits. We are both far from being “normal” or “average.” Living with each other is only possible because we are both tolerant and approach other people with acceptance.

The quirks people have told her she needs to change all her life? I accept them and let her be. Likewise, she accepts my weird habits instead of trying to change me.

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28. Love does not hurt

Loneliness hurts, rejection hurts and being misunderstood by the person I love hurts. But love does not hurt.

My girlfriend didn’t want to inflict pain on me, and I didn’t want to inflict pain on her. We both understood that when we had our crisis this year.

I believe that is why we moved through it so well and quickly.

We were both in flight or fight mode, triggered and hurt by unresolved trauma that came to the surface in each of our psyches.

We both tried to change when we understood how our actions and words were a source of pain for the other. That is love.

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29. Being single long-term can help you grow into a person who can genuinely love when the time is right

The path of self-growth and healing I walked during my single life helped me grow into someone who can genuinely love.

The challenges we experienced in our relationship in 2022 would have had me turn to wine for comfort in the years prior.

But last year, I wrote, ran, and tried communicating with as much compassion and understanding as possible.

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30. Love means paying attention to details

The few months we lived together this year showed me how important it is to express love in small ways daily. Otherwise, being in a relationship can quickly feel like a routine after the first hormone rush has settled down.

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31. Even though you might have felt unworthy of love in the past, love can find you

This comes from someone with a lifelong belief she is unworthy of love. After yet another heartbreak in 2019, I told myself I was ready to stay alone forever if I was supposed to not experience true love.

Then, my girlfriend entered my life….

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32. Love is kind

The love I have experienced this year is a true expression of kindness. While I was anxious and fearful about the future, my girlfriend remained calm and tried to understand my fears. Throughout my edgy back-and-forth weeks, she stayed patient and kind.

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33. You don’t love each other to fix each other

My girlfriend and I both experienced challenging childhoods. We both carry a lot of baggage and have battle scars acquired over our lives.

However, neither of us sees the other as her “savior.” Instead, we know we can rely on each other for support and hand-holding while we continue our healing journeys.

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34. Love doesn’t keep score

People make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. When either of us makes a mistake, my girlfriend and I discuss it.

This year we needed to talk a lot.

But once we feel everything is said, we don’t remind ourselves over and over of the perceived “wrong.” We both move on because we know we love each other.

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35. Love means always finding win-win solutions

My partner and I both have hectic lives with busy schedules. Instead of throwing tantrums and blaming each other for “never having time,” we always try to find a solution that works for both of us.

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36. Love feels safe with patience

My girlfriend has a superpower. She makes me feel safe. She takes the pressure off me by staying patient and giving me time when I don’t know what I feel or need. I have space to go within and listen.

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37. Love leaves no room for tomorrow

This year has been intense. I struggled to juggle my stressful full-time job with ultramarathon training and building my side business. I was often tempted to reduce my time with my girlfriend or cancel our plans.

But I reminded myself that we may not have tomorrow.

What would I regret more? That I missed out on love today or that I missed out on work today?

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38. Love sees arguments as a means to an end

Whenever my partner and I argue over something, we approach it with an attitude of “how can we solve this” instead of “I want to be right.”

I don’t like to argue, and I don’t believe arguing is necessary for a healthy relationship. However, having different viewpoints is an inevitable part of when people interact.

And when misunderstandings and arguments arise, it is a chance to develop a deeper understanding of the relationship and each other.

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39. Love requires respect

I always wondered how couples can get into the habit of teasing each other. And I understand even less how two people who claim to love each other engage in disrespectful behaviors.

My girlfriend taught me that loving someone means treating them with respect, even if you’re going through a crisis and struggling to talk to each other.

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40. Love loves compliments

My partner and I compliment each other often.

Words have the power to heal and make someone feel loved.

I try to remember to praise my partner often. We tell each other when we are proud of each other. And no act of courage is too small.

In a world that often leaves you feeling like you aren’t enough, it is vital to remind our loved ones often that they are.

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41. Love leaves no room for fear

For the longest time, I avoided committing to a long-term relationship. Whenever I feared getting hurt or being abandoned, I would push people away. I kept my distance, claiming, “I needed my freedom.”

Luckily my girlfriend wouldn’t let me get away with this.

Instead, she expressed understanding and showed me through her actions that she would not leave me, even if I made mistakes.

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42. Without trust, love cannot last

I trust my girlfriend completely, and I know she trusts me. In the past, I didn’t always have partners who were able to trust. These relationships were doomed to fail from the start. I don’t think love can last when you have trust issues.

43. Be willing to compromise when love asks you to change your routines and habits
Being single for so long, I have developed certain habits and routines. Likewise, my partner has developed certain habits and routines.

We are both old enough to have developed ideas and worldviews that could be hard to change.

Our experiment of moving together showed me that we both need to let go of old routines and habits. If we want to live happily together, we must make compromises and adjust our lifestyles to some extent.

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44. Love means making plans together

I love making plans. And I enjoy creating future visions for my life. Now my girlfriend and I are making plans together.

Not only what we will do for our weekly date night but also what we will do in 10 or 20 years. And we dream big.

Having a shared bold vision for the future is a beautiful bond we created.

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45. Love means sharing your life

My partner loves to share every detail of her unfolding day with me. I am the opposite. I used to think people were not interested in my life, and I applied this thinking to my relationships.

I would even apologize to my partner when I told her things that would happen in my life because I was afraid I would bore her.

Over the last year, I have learned that sharing is vital. Otherwise, you are missing out on reaching ever more profound levels of understanding and hence, love.

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46. Love means letting go

To truly love someone means to give love without expecting anything in return. To give and receive love freely and respect each other’s freedom to choose. My girlfriend gave me the freedom to choose this year, which has strengthened our relationship.

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47. Love can thrive when both partners prefer a peaceful relationship more than being right

My girlfriend and I don’t argue over little things, and I don’t feel the need to prove myself. She doesn’t need to prove herself to me, either. And I believe this is why we simply don’t argue over things that don’t matter.

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48. Love will show you where you need healing

Going through a crisis in my romantic relationship in 2022 showed me clearly which areas of my past require the most healing.

Ironically it was the area I have neglected to heal until now. I have failed to heal this part of myself because I was too scared of the memories.

But I am willing to face my fears and heal for my future happiness.

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49. Love is not mind-reading; check your expectations

My girlfriend and I have the rule that each is allowed to speak her mind. And not only allowed but required to. It is tough to express my feelings and needs, but I’m improving thanks to my partner’s superhuman patience.

Knowing that my partner will communicate her needs and wants is incredibly freeing and gives me a feeling of security.

I know she doesn’t expect me to behave a certain way or do certain things and then throws tantrums when I don’t.

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50. Being in love is different from loving someone

In the beginning, love feels exciting, dangerous, and blissful. A whirlwind of emotions runs through you. A cocktail of hormones that makes you love drunk.

A few times in my life, I have felt these intense feelings that make it hard to concentrate on anything else. I felt them too when I met my girlfriend.

However, our bond is much stronger now, and I now feel deep intimacy and closeness.

I am in love, and I love her. Deeply.

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51. Authentic love reveals itself during times of struggle

In 2021, our relationship was blissful. My girlfriend and I hardly had misunderstandings or arguments. And if we did, we quickly solved the problem by talking about it.

In 2022 we experienced our first big crisis. I canceled our plan to move in together. We hardly spoke for a few days.

However, we never fall into a pattern of blaming each other or victim playing. Instead, we took time for introspection.

When we felt ready, we discussed what each other needed and where the vast misunderstanding came from.

We were open to listening, and we put the relationship before our own egos.

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52. Love is a gift that requires care and nurturing if you want to enjoy it for a lifetime

Experiencing mutual love has been the greatest gift I received. After being single for over 15 years and knowing the pains of unrequited love all too well, I feel blessed that I get to experience this.

I often remember my art teacher from 12th grade, who sometimes told us about her husband. They have been together since they were 17.

And when she talked about her marriage, her eyes lit up.

Telling us how they would still treat each other like they would be in a brand new relationship planted the idea in me that I would do the same when I found love.

Just like a pet or houseplant needs care and nurturing if you want to enjoy their presence for a long time, love needs care and nurturing if you want to enjoy it for a lifetime.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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