6 Clear Ways to Know You’re With the Right Person

It happens to so many people.

They meet someone, fall head over heels, and let their emotions guide them.

They ignore the signs that the person they found may not be the best fit for them — because they’re in love. Or in lust, anyway.

But then, when the emotional highs of new love fade and regular life sets back in, they start to realize that maybe this “incredible” person may not be as incredible as they seem.

They end up alone, brokenhearted, and disillusioned by love.

Sound familiar?

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Love is more than attraction.

While attraction’s vital to any relationship, it’s not the only thing that matters.

You need someone who doesn’t drive you crazy, someone you can share your life with. Someone who helps you be the best version of yourself you can be, and you do the same for them.

You need someone you can come home to, no matter where you are, and know that you are home.

That they’re your person.

So how do you find that? How do you make sure that you’re not becoming disillusioned by love yourself, and that the person you’re with is really the right person for you?

While it can be tricky, there are signs you can look for. Things about your relationship that you can look at and judge about you and your partner, starting with this:

#1 Examine the “small” things

In any relationship, there are things you can deal with, and there are things you can’t.

Infidelity, for one, falls under the category of “can’t deal with” for most people.

That’s a big thing. But take a look at your partner’s quirks; the small things that bug you. Things like chewing with their mouth open or hanging out with other girls when you’re not around.

Some things you can live with, some you can’t.

You might decide that while it bugs you when they chew with their mouth open or leave dirty dishes on the counter, that’s something you can deal with.

But you might struggle more with them spending time with other girls.

Sure, they say they’re just friends, and that you need to trust them, but more often than not, your partner hanging out with other girls is a recipe for disaster. Especially if they don’t want you around when they hang out with them.

So examine the small things. And if they aren’t actually that small to you, maybe it’s time to take a step back.

#2 Do they pay attention?

Think about when you talk to them. Are they listening to you? Or are they scrolling through their phone?

Are you an irritation to them when they’re busy, an annoyance they shoo away instead of listening to what you have to say?

When you love someone, you care about what matters to them.

When they tell you a story from their day, something that upset them, you listen. Even if you think it’s silly they’re upset, you listen and sympathize, because you care about the way they feel.

Simple as that.

So look at your relationship. Does your partner listen to you? Do they care about your feelings, even if they don’t understand them?

Hope so. Because the right person will.

#3 Does conversation come easily?

When you’re with someone who’s right for you, there are no awkward silences.

I went out with a guy once that I was attracted to, but that was it. Because I wanted to make it work with him, I tried to force it.

But then we went somewhere that required a 2-hour drive together. Trying to think of conversation starters was like pulling teeth — it was painful and pointless.

For whatever reason, we just couldn’t talk to each other.

But then I found the right person. We didn’t lack things to talk about from day 1, and now, 11 years later, we still talk constantly. About everything and anything.

If you’re with someone who’s right for you, conversation will come that easily, too.

#4 Do you miss them when they’re gone, even if it’s just for a little while?

As someone more introverted, I used to enjoy time alone. I still do, to an extent, but growing up, I had a lot of alone time.

Then I found my person. We got married, and we were together all the time.

After a while, I started to miss my alone time. My husband and I separated for the day when we went to work, sure, but whenever we were home, we were together.

So when he needed to be gone for the evening one night, I was pretty excited. I was gonna take a bath, read a book, and basically just chill.

He left, and I did my thing. However, after about an hour or two, I started wondering when he was coming back.

I figured he’d been gone long enough and I didn’t want to be alone anymore — I wanted to be with him.

Now, years later, I feel the same way. He’ll go on business trips and while I’m fine, I miss him. I miss his presence in the house.

Do you miss your partner when they’re gone? Even if it’s just for a night?

#5 Do your core values match up?

This is a pretty big one. Opposites may attract, but it’s hard to make a relationship work with someone who believes differently than you do.

Look at your values, morals, and beliefs. Does your partner agree with them? Or, if they don’t agree exactly, are their values, morals, and beliefs somewhat in line with yours?

I’ve seen relationships fall apart because of this. A woman will marry a man thinking she can “change” him, that she can make him be the person she’d always dreamed of marrying.

He has the looks and she’s attracted to him, after all, so the rest will come in time.

Or so she thought.

The sad reality is, you can’t make a person be anything but what they are. People can change, certainly, but they only change because they want to, not because you want them to.

So if your values, morals, and beliefs don’t match up, you may be better off looking for someone else.

#6 Think about way you feel when you think of them

Take a minute to think about your partner. Think about your relationship, and how you feel when you’re with them.

If you have a warm, comforting feeling, that’s good. It shows you’re happy; that you feel assured in your relationship.

If you feel unsure or unsettled, then you might not be in the best place. The person you’re with might not be the right one for you.

When you think of your partner, you should feel happy. A feeling of warmth comes with that happiness, and you have complete assurance that you’re with the right person for you.

Feelings don’t lie. If you feel off, there’s a reason for it.

Being with the right person makes life fuller, richer, and happier.

There’s no denying it. We’re all after love, and when you find that special someone, the one who’s right for you and makes you feel like anything is possible, you hold onto them.

Because while there’s plenty of fish in the sea, not every fish is the right one.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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