A relationship is a bond that holds two people together in thick and thin. They work as a team. But sometimes, that relationship turns toxic and suffocating.
One of the reasons is that unhealthy competition in a relationship turns partners into rivals.
A little competition in every relationship works like an anchor that holds the partners together.
Partners should compete with each other in games for fun and playfulness. It makes their bond strong.
But when the competition becomes severe and replaces love, it leads to resentment, jealousy, and anger and makes a healthy relationship hell.
A competitive relationship is when your partner or you resent the successes of your partner. When you want your partner to fail in his/her efforts.
Competition creeps into a relationship due to envy and insecurities. When you feel insecure about your partner’s success, you get jealous and start competing to satisfy your ego.
Here are six sneaky signs that you are in a competitive relationship.
1. You try to make your partner jealous
Instead of making partners happy with big news, you find ways to make them jealous.
You don’t want to admit it but deep down there is something in you that tells you to boost your success and achieve an upper hand by making your partner jealous.
And what’s more, you enjoy making them insecure and hurting their ego.
2. You always focus on winning from your partner
Striking a competition with your partner is a healthy thing but if it is related to sports or games where you tease your partner but ultimately let him/her win and enjoy their success.
But if your ultimate focus is on winning from your partner at all costs and you both try to outdo each other without thinking of the consequence, this is a sure sign of a competitive relationship.
If you focus on winning and aim to belittle your partner, you are in a severe competitive relationship that will destroy your life.
3. You find it hard to compromise
Compromise is a bedrock of a healthy relationship. But a competitive relationship negates compromise and it always wants more than its share.
Constantly expecting things to happen on your way is a sneaky sign that you are in a competitive relationship.
You don’t even talk about things that don’t go your way but give an ultimatum of the last word in every disagreement.
4. You secretly rejoice when your partner fails
When your partner’s success makes feel uncomfortable and resentful, this is a sneaky sign of a competitive relationship and you need to avoid it to live a better life.
You secretly rejoice at the failures of your partner and look forward to them being helpless and dependent upon you.
5. You show yourself superior to your partner
You never miss a chance to belittle your partner and show yourself superior. Whether you have a high status, education, skills, or anything else, you always remind your partner that he/she isn’t your match.
This attitude of superiority springs from competitiveness in relationships. Avoid it to make your relationship healthy.
6. You don’t share your secrets and plans
A competitive relationship makes you think your partner is your rival and you stop sharing your inner self. You rather tell them lies and don’t let them know your plan until you succeed and surprise them.
When you start hiding things from your partner, know that you are in a competitive relationship and it is a sneaky sign you haven’t noticed.
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* Ways to stop competition in your relationship
All relationships are not the same. They are a little different from each other. It depends on you how to build a healthy relationship. And there are ways if you want to stop being competitive in your relationship and build a healthy relationship.
1. Find the why there is competition between you
Think about why your relationship has receded into a silent battlefield where you always compete with each other.
Think about why you have become rivals instead of a team?
When you will reflect on these questions and answer the why you will find the root cause of the problems. You will also know that you are destroying only yourself.
Talk to your partner openly. Tell them why there is competition when the loss of one is the loss of the other in the long run and the success of one is actually the success of another. So, why drag down each other?
Once you discuss it with your partner, they will understand and would surely stop being competitive with you.
2. Remind your partner that you are a team, not rivals
Sometimes, partners forget that they are a team. They live with each other habitually.
Their relationship turns into a living hell of competition and even in their private times, they outdo each other or avoid each other.
So, instead of living in a walking hell that saps your whole life, why not tell your partner that you are a team, not a rival.
Remind them of working together to achieve your goals and to become the biggest hurdles in your way towards success.
3. Set boundaries to mend your relationships
Relationships descend into competition when you don’t take care of the limits of your partner.
Some people are very sensitive to certain issues, topics, and things. If your partner mind something, there may be a serious reason behind that.
Your partner might not have a good experience with such a thing or issue. So, why keep that thing out of your relationship and live happily.
4. Consult a marriage therapist
If you can’t help yourself properly, I suggest seeing an expert marriage therapist who will help you find a common ground where you build a healthy relationship.
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Final words
Competitive relationships make you jealous and arouse resentment in you against your partner. You get angry and feel inferior when your partner wins or gets success.
Your partner may also treat you like this. You both never let go of an occasion to let yourselves down and belittle yourself.
If you are experiencing any of the above signs in your relationships, you are in a competitive relationship and you need to stop it before it ruins your life completely.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Michal Vrba on Unsplash