I went to junior school in an all-girls school. When I got to high school, I was not quite acclimatized to being around boys that were not my brothers. I felt constantly anxious and socially awkward.
That social awkwardness lasted at least four years and had me believing I was not socially intelligent.
If you have felt anything like I did in those excruciating adolescent years, I am happy to tell you — you are not alone. Most people have a bit (or sometimes plenty) of social awkwardness.
And that is alright.
Social awkwardness does not mean lack of social intelligence.
Plus, I cultivated some personal traits to help myself along the journey:
What is the meaning of being socially intelligent?
According to Wikipedia, being socially intelligent means having the capacity to know oneself and to know others.
Social Intelligence develops from experience with people and learning from success and failures in social settings. It is more commonly referred to as “tact”, “common sense”, or “street smarts”.
According to this paper on Social Intelligence by Daniel Wawra, published in the European Journal of English Studies, socially intelligent people have the following traits in common; they are
- Able to see both sides of every issue
- Objective and not easily influenced by others
- Flexible in their thinking and actions
- Realistic in their appraisals
- Skilled at managing relationships
- Sensitive to the feelings of others
- Empathetic
- Respectful of others’ opinions
They bring these qualities to improve the quality of their relationships, whether romantic or platonic.
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Socially intelligent people are aware of the potential for social interactions to go wrong, and they work to prevent these problems from happening. By avoiding rookie mistakes, they can maintain strong relationships with others.
Here are 7 Common Mistakes Emotionally Intelligent Couples Avoid Making
1. Not Listening to Each Other
Listening is one of the most important skills in any relationship.
It’s how we show our partner that we care about them and their experiences. Unfortunately, it’s also a skill that many couples neglected to practice.
One of the most common mistakes emotionally intelligent couples avoid is not listening to each other.
When we’re not really listening, we’re only hearing what we want to hear. We’re not giving our partner the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings with us. This can lead to misunderstandings and arguments.
One of the indicators that someone truly loves and adores you is listening to you:
An easy guide for what you can do:
If you want to avoid this mistake, make a conscious effort to really listen to your partner when they’re talking to you.
Listen with your ears and your heart.
Try to understand where they’re coming from. Not only will this improve your communication, but it will also deepen your connection with each other.
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2. Assuming They Know What Their Partner is Thinking
One of the most common mistakes that emotionally intelligent couples avoid is assuming that they know what their partner is thinking.
This can be a major cause of conflict in relationships as it leads to misunderstandings and can result in one partner feeling ignored or unimportant.
It is essential to remember that everyone experiences and processes emotions differently, so what may seem obvious to one person may not be clear to another.
An easy guide for what you can do:
If you are unsure about something, the best course of action is to ask your partner directly.
This shows that you are interested in their perspective and willing to compromise on solutions that work for both of you.
By communicating openly and honestly, you can avoid many unnecessary arguments and build a stronger, more loving bond with your partner.
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3. Bottling Up Their Feelings
Bottling up your feelings is one of the most common mistakes emotionally intelligent couples avoid.
When you bottle up your feelings, you’re essentially telling your partner that you’re not comfortable sharing your innermost thoughts and emotions with them.
This can lead to tension and resentment over time, as your partner feels like they’re being shut out of your life. Bottling up your feelings also prevents you from processing and dealing with your emotions in a healthy way.
An easy guide for what you can do:
Instead of bottling up your feelings, be like emotionally intelligent couples who learn to express their emotions freely and openly.
This doesn’t mean that you need to share everything with your partner, but it does mean being open and honest about how you’re feeling.
When you’re able to openly express your emotions, it can help to strengthen the bond between you and your partner.
If it is hard for you to figure out how you want to be loved, this article on love languages might help you make the discovery:
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4. Letting Resentment Build Up
Couples who are emotionally intelligent know that letting resentment build up is one of the biggest mistakes they can make.
When resentment builds up, it slowly starts to erode the love and connection between partners. Eventually, it can lead to all sorts of problems, including infidelity and even divorce.
So what can couples do to avoid letting resentment build up?
First, they need to be aware of the signs that resentment is starting to creep in. These can include feeling critical of your partner, withdrawing from physical or emotional intimacy, or feeling like you’re always the one giving and never receiving.
If you notice any of these signs, it’s important to address them immediately. Otherwise, they will only get worse over time.
An easy guide for what you can do:
One way to address resentment is to simply talk about it with your partner. Tell them how you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way.
Often, just expressing your feelings can help to reduce the resentful thoughts and start to rebuild the connection between you.
Another strategy is to try to let go of some of the anger and hurt you’re feeling.
This can be difficult, but it’s important to remember that holding on to this negativity will only hurt you in the end. Instead, focus on forgiving your partner and moving forward.
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5. Taking Their Partner for Granted
There are a lot of benefits to being in a emotionally intelligent relationship.
One of the biggest benefits is that you and your partner are more likely to avoid taking each other for granted.
When you take your partner for granted, you stop seeing them as an individual with their own needs and wants.
Instead, you start to see them as someone who is there to meet your needs and expectations. This can lead to a feeling of devaluation and resentment, and can eventually break down the relationship.
Avoiding this pitfall is not always easy, but it is definitely worth it.
An easy guide for what you can do:
When you make the effort to see your partner as an individual, you are showing them that they are valued and appreciated.
This in turn strengthens the bond between you and helps to build a more emotionally intelligent relationship.
So if you want to avoid taking your partner for granted, make sure to keep the lines of communication open, show appreciation for little things, and always be willing to listen to their needs and wants.
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6. Not Making Time For Each Other
Not making time for each other is one of the most common mistakes emotionally intelligent couples avoid.
Emotionally intelligent couples know that their relationship is a top priority and they make time for each other every day.
They carved out time for each other when they were first dating and they continue to do so as their relationship evolves.
Not making time for each other is a sign that you are not prioritizing your relationship and it will eventually lead to problems.
An easy guide for what you can do:
It is so important to keep the spark alive in your relationship and make time for each other every day, even if it’s just a few minutes.
You will be so glad you did!
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7. Forgetting to Have Fun Together
It is easy to get caught up in the day-to-day grind and forget to have fun together as a couple.
However, emotionally intelligent couples know that it’s essential to keep the spark alive in their relationship by making time for fun and laughter.
Here are some common mistakes to avoid if you want to keep your relationship strong, playful, and continue to have fun together:
1. Forgetting to schedule time for fun. Just like any other important appointment, you need to make time for fun in your relationship. Put it in your calendar and treat it like a date night. This will ensure that you have regular quality time together.
2. Not trying new things. It’s important to mix things up and try new experiences together. This will keep your relationship fresh and exciting. Stepping outside of your comfort zone can also be a bonding experience.
3. Failing to laugh together. Laughter is an essential ingredient in any relationship. Not only does it make life more enjoyable, but it also releases endorphins and reduces stress levels. Make time to watch funny movies, seek out comedy shows, or simply share jokes with one another on a regular basis.
4. Forgetting the importance of touch. Physical touch is a vital part of any relationship. It has been shown to reduce stress, boost immunity, and increase feelings of happiness and well-being. Make sure to cuddle, hold hands, and kiss often.
5. Taking yourself too seriously. One of the quickest ways to kill the fun in your relationship is to take yourself too seriously. Relax.
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Final Thoughts
In conclusion, emotionally intelligent couples avoid making these seven common mistakes.
If you want to have a strong and healthy relationship, make sure to keep the lines of communication open, show appreciation for your partner, make time for each other, and never forget to have fun!
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And now your thoughts…
Please let me know in the comments section if there are any other common mistakes you think emotionally intelligent couples avoid. I would love to hear from you!
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Thank you for reading.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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