First of all, you need to realize that It’s normal to rebuild, renew, refuel your relationship. The study says that 12 to 18 months takes to start losing the passion that brought us together in the first place. We all get familiar and a little comfortable with each other. We stop trying to be our best selves. If you’re getting to the stage or you already got there. That is how you can turn it around if you both want.
So before you start digging into rebuilding your relationship, there are two questions you should ask yourself first.
Do you indeed want to make it work?
Do they indeed want to make it work?
I assume your answer is YES, so let’s get started!
You Both to Agree On This
The chief importance is for you both to agree on this. Take a pen and paper and write down together what you’re looking for. Be honest about what you want and what the other person wants. Set expectations together and mutually agree on this. Don’t get me wrong. It is not about going back to how things were before.
We sometimes miss the fact we are growing. You both have changed, transformed and it might be so much more to explore. You both have to be on the same page and willing to work on it. Don’t even consider rebuilding your relationship by yourself. Somewhere deep inside you, you have to know you want to make it work, and they have to know as well. That is such an important part of the process.
Take Responsibility on an Individual Basis
We usually make a list of things that we did. And the other person didn’t do. Try to flip it. Take responsibility for your decisions and talk about what you could have done better. When someone comes and tells you what they did wrong or could have done better, the natural human instinct is to be vulnerable rather than defensive. It removes the toxicity and the pain that come from the ego.
Let the Past Be the Past
Just a quick question. If we do not let someone let go of the past. How possible is it for the other person to build a future with us?
If you are dragging the past into your relationship and bringing it up again and again, you will never let someone away from it. Don’t forget about it but If you haven’t healed it yet, heal it now. If there is still something from the past that gets on your nerves and you never said it. That’s the time. You don’t want to start with hidden feelings.
Make a List of Qualities
Make a list of (At Least 7) Qualities That You Like About Your Partner. Deeply share the reason for these qualities.
This exercise makes you realize why you are here and why did you start in the first place. Keep in mind. The trust is still frail. The wounds are still open, the feeling and emotions are fragile. It is so important to build foundational trust. That can happen when you take time to recognize the goodness in the other person.
I bet you know when you first meet someone. All you do is talking about how good, amazing the person is. As much time as you spend with your partner, their negative things did not grow. They just become more apparent. Now you let the negatives overshadow the positives. So you talk about those more.
Set Regular Check-Ins
Once every two weeks or month depends on what suits you best. Necessity is to make a habit of it and stay consistent until your relationship gets better. Don’t be foolish, and stop working on this after your first hints of success. Sharing what is going in the right direction and what is not is valuable and take you further. You’ll see how you’re progressing.
It might sound organize and structure but guess what? Last time you tried the other way. That didn’t probably end up with a loving relationship either.
The biggest issue in relationships is a lack of communication. You have two minds, two lives, two unique experiences. How can you no need communication?
Prioritize the Thighs That You Find
Don’t pass it off as a key piece of information. Immediately when you learn something new about your partner. Put on an act as quickly as possible. Don’t let it be or wait till Valentine’s day.
Patience and Passion Go Together
If you both care and are passionate, you have good potential, but you still need a lot of patience. Your relationship will not magically change overnight.
Patience, persistence, passion will get you there.
Give this a go and experiment.
This post was previously published on Change Becomes You.
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