My husband is the coolest man I know.
Put that man in any clothes (even my mother’s!) and he looks suave. Forget about arguing with him, he just won’t do it. He’ll whip out that charming smile of his and disarm you.
You can imagine my frustration being a hot-blooded Spaniard when I fancy myself in the mood for a row.
He’s got defects like everybody and moments where he falls short of his best self, but generally, he’s the smoothest, coolest man I know.
This is what I’ve learnt about his coolness over the past 5 years.
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>1< Always Do This No Matter What
One of the main traits of someone cool is they always have a smile on their face or their voice. When we smile we appear relaxed and we’re signalling to ourselves, our bodies and the world that everything’s okay.
This also means not complaining about stuff on the reg, which gives the opposite effect: a frown upside down.
It’s hard to argue with my husband because he’ll point out the funny side of things and dissipate the tension instantly.
Smiling is cool. Being relaxed is smooth.
Beware:
The danger is becoming too relaxed or uncaring and failing to get stuff done.
>2< Realise This Matters Image from Hebespoke Style
Dressing well is not just for vanity.
And “well” doesn’t mean wearing designer clothes.
Science has demonstrated that what you wear influences how you act and how you feel.
When you dress well, you signal to yourself and the world you have self-respect. You’re bolder, more confident, more attractive.
Ditch the raggedy clothes. The old, broken, unfitting pieces you’re a little bit ashamed of wearing. Make room for clothes that represent you and make you feel a million dollars.
Don’t forget the shoes!
Beware:
Don’t let your clothes define you but don’t let laziness rob you of an opportunity to look good-feel good either.
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>3< Give Zero F*cks And Be This
Smooth peeps don’t concern themselves with the opinions of others. Period.
Overthinking is the enemy of clear thinking and they know it.
Don’t muddle your clarity by infecting it with someone else’s insecurities.
Learn to give the right amount of importance to things and free yourself from the burden of external validation.
Be decisive. We only get a small number of good decisions before their quality erodes.
Beware:
Not caring about what other people think taken to an extreme can make you indifferent and lack empathy. Don’t be self-absorbed either.
Indecision is the death of coolness.
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>4< Break Inner Tension
You can’t take yourself too seriously if you want to be smooth.
Learn to laugh at yourself and life will seem easier.
A good way to do it is by looking at a ‘bad’ picture of yourself and instead of judging, show it to someone you love and laugh with them at how silly you look. You’ll be more likeable for it.
Because it’s medicine for the ego and it breaks up inner tension. My husband for how smooth and handsome he is can be a real goofball. It’s what makes him human and adorable.
Learning to laugh at yourself is super sexy in a world too concerned with being cool.
Beware:
Laughing at yourself to its extreme becomes self-deprecating humour which, if it’s not in small elegant doses, can become cringy.
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>5< It’s Not About The Money
Photo by Zachariah schrueder on Unsplash
Abundance and coolness go hand in hand.
Smooth people are abundant because of their attitude to life. They flow, they manifest, and they choose the path of least resistance.
Sometimes they may be broke, sometimes wealthy. But their levels of happiness, fulfilment, inner peace and capacity for manifestation don’t fluctuate so drastically.
Forbes magazine says there 5 keys to becoming abundant:
- Focusing on what you already have
- Being grateful
- Choosing who you surround yourself with wisely
- Creating win-win situations — instead of someone having to lose when another one wins
- Opening yourself to possibilities — less I-can’t-do-it and it’s-impossible
Beware:
Abundance is a mindset not a number in a bank account. Don’t let folks tell you otherwise.
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>6< No Beef Chief
Someone smooth will set healthy boundaries to prevent conflict.
He or she will have, if nothing else, a cordial relationship with family. Notice people who don’t, when they’re around family they become unsmooth.
Learn how to say no, with a smile and zero guilt. This will make you seem trustworthy and will make worthwhile people feel at ease in your presence. The more you do it the easier it’ll be.
There’s no need to get angry or emotional in debate.
Knowing when it’s time to make an elegant exit it’s a skill to master.
Beware:
When you feel frustration, irritation or anger, you’ve become unsmooth. Notice this and smile to help you get through it. Keep your cool to be cool.
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>7< Know The Basics
To be self-sufficient is to be free in a world of needy people. Read that again.
Cooking, cleaning after yourself, sticking a washer on, and knowing how to build a fire are some of the basic things smooth people can do well.
They’ll be smart enough to ask for help when the task goes above and beyond their knowledge but you won’t catch them unable to feed themselves or leaving a huge mess behind.
My husband has a very nonchalant way of whipping out a preroll, a boiled egg or a piece of fruit at the perfect time.
Thinking ahead makes you look smooth af.
Beware:
Knowing when to delegate it’s just as important as being self-sufficient otherwise it can lead to burnout, worry and unsmoothness.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: iStockphoto.com