Toward the Stars/Unknown
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Time to challenge the old stereotypes about manhood!
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1. We Need To Teach Boys That Being “A Girl” Is Not An Insult.
Facebook, Toward the Stars
2. All Boys Are “All Boy”
SomeeCards: Toward the Stars
3.But They Should Not Get Away With Bad Behavior Just Because They Are Boys.
4. We Believe In Men, Their Maturity And Compassion
RebeccaCohenArt.tumblr.com/ Toward The Stars
5. Teach Your Son to Respect Women
Toward the Stars/Unknown
6. We Need to Showcase More Multi-Dimensional Boys and Men in the Media.
7. And One Day Soon, We Will Be Using the Expression “Boys Will Be Boys” To Describe This:
MySmallPotatoes/ Toward The Stars
For 14 more great memes about boys and men visit BuzzFeed
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97 Comments on "7 Memes That Will Change The Way You Think About Raising Boys"
Great post! Self respect and selflove for all people! Everything else will follow 🙂
I’m flattered that Buzzfeed and GMP included my comic, but next time please ask first. That comic is my intellectual property, and it’s certainly not a “meme.”
Sorry Rebecca. We have a content sharing agreement with Buzzfeed, who ran the original list. We assumed they had obtained the proper permissions. We’ll see if we can find a way to double check ahead of time to make sure this doesn’t happen again. We are certainly believers in intellectual property and want to make sure you get credit as due.
I understand, Lisa. Buzzfeed regularly posts copyrighted material without seeking permission. I just wouldn’t have known they posted mine if it hadn’t appeared here! So I guess I should thank GMP for bringing it to my attention… Of course I appreciate that it’s credited and a link is included, so I’m not too concerned. Other creators can be much more touchy though — just a heads up.
Billboards, webcomics, pictures, and quotes are not “memes”. Meme refers to the act of something going viral. Even if the typical “image with words” was the proper definition most of these don’t even qualify. I know it seems like I’m splitting hairs, but if you want to get a valid point across, use terms and phrases correctly to at least seem educated about the topic.
I’d like to add to #6 … without discounting or shaming boys that may not fit this image.
[…] This comment by Erin on the post 7 Memes That Will Change The Way You Think About Raising Boys […]
Am I to understand, that the only way to teach boys respect for women is to feminize them? Additionally it would seem that females are the only sex that has an innate respect for others according to feminism. So, while we are on the topic of eradicating stereotypes and condescending attitudes…
It depends on the definitions of feminine and masculine you are using in the argument, doesn’t it? If you think there is no true masculine masculinity which is compatible with respect for women then you are doing men (including yourself) a disfavor.
[…] two pieces of advice he came across on how to raise boys. The first is from a list called “Seven Memes That Will Change The Way You Think About Raising Boys” and has such comments as “We Believe In Men, Their Maturity And Compassion” […]
I find it rather sickening that it is considered more urgent to tell boys to respect women.
They are more likely to be the victims of abuse and violence than being violent and abusive themselves, but this just reinforces the prejudiced mindset that because they’re male they’re potential abusers in waiting.
[…] 7 Memes That Will Change The Way You Think About Raising Boys […]
Re #5, and #1.
How can we, generation after generation, keep on telling little boys that girls (and women) deserve or require a certain level of treatment, respect and attention.
How can we continue to do this, and yet expect the boys NOT to come up with the conclusion that girls are somehow different, more “fragile” or in some way or the other “inferior” when you aren’t supposed to mess around with them the same way you do with your boy friends?
I totally agree with you about #5. #1, however, is a totally different point. It is a deep shame that it’s portrayed as such a terrible insult to be called a girl. I did my best to ensure that my sons understood “girl” to be a physical descriptor along the lines of “tall” or “long-haired,” not a value descriptor along the lines of “wimpy” or “weak.”
I can’t get over the fact that the implicit (and just about explicit) message here is that there is something inherently wrong with boys who might act in so-called “boyish” ways. To me, it’s self-hate plain and simple. (This has nothing to do with treating girls and women respectfully. It’s about boys being rambunctious, etc.)
And, at least equally important, why isn’t there anything here about boys achieving something, doing well in school, etc.? Couldn’t that last photo just show one of the boys doing something studious or creative?
5. Teach Your Son to Respect Women
I disagree with #5.
Respect has to be earned and cannot be expected automatically for an entire group – in this case for ALL females.
There are bad men, but there are also a lot of bad females who do not deserve to be ‘respected’.
I wonder if this advice would be also given to girls, gender-reversed: Teach your daughter to respect men. All men. Or is this advice only one-way from males to females?
Please explain how to understand #5. Thank you.
It means that as a whole, women (and men) should be respected. Respect should be earned on an individual basis, of course, but your respect for women as a whole should be more than “get in the kitchen.” The same goes for women who think all men should be fiddling with their cars in the garage.
Some men here think it’s the worst when you hold the door for them as another male. It’s so weird what’s going on in other guys’ heads. Those awkward expressions like somehow they’ve become inferior because they’re taught that’s what they’re supposed to do for women. Traditional culture sometimes is nerve-wracking. I’m all for kindness but not because of your gender.
I hold the door for anyone carrying a load or with their hands full. I’ve rarely had a confused look much less an “I’m being demeaned” look for it, but maybe it’s because in the context it’s obvious help is helpful.
(Or maybe it’s because I have some sour thoughts of my own when I have my hands full and none of several people nearby offers to get a door)
When my hands are free, I’d rather hold doors than have them held just because I’m female — Still, never be rude to helpfulness.
The way I see it, if I hold a door open for a person and that person doesn’t like it, that person can decline. For me, it’s a gesture, an offer. Take it or decline it, it’s okay with me. I won’t be insulted if the person declines. I have a right to offer, that person has a right to say no.
Who?
Julia, what country are you from and how are things different in your country?
I agree about helpfulness. Men with machismo however do look down on women and I can’t be like that. I’d rather be with a woman who considers me her equal rather than expect me to follow an archaic tradition and perpetually waits for me to open her every door. I love holding doors for women, however.
I’ve personally never seen a woman stand around and perpetually wait for a man to open her door. But boy, is it nice when a man does. And it’s nice in a different way then when another woman does it for you. With another woman, it’s a sense of commoderie. When a man does it, it makes me feel all soft and feminine and I like feeling soft and feminine. Is that true for all women? Of course not. But I believe it’s true for some women as it is true for me.
[…] First, from “Raising Boys,” a subset of “The Good Men Project”, comes a post entitled Seven Memes That Will Change The Way You Think About Raising Boys: […]
The best way to “Teach your son to respect Women” is for the Dad to model this behaviour by how he treats his wife.
Peggy, I understand what you’re saying but in reality, MANY boys don’t have dads in their lives… so now what? Who is teaching them?
I am in love with the last picture of this article. that is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever seen.
Because no boy ever grows up to be a Dad and take care of their kids…
… oh, wait.
Wow. You missed the point of #4 in the most complete way possible.
Point five is something I disagree. Yes he (or she but we are talking about boys now) should learn to respect women. But not only, he has also to respect men, children, elder, people with disabilities, cross class cross ethnicity. And also learn to love and respect himself. Respect yourself and other because they are human beings.
I agree with what you are saying, but I don’t think the point of #5 was that you should respect ONLY women and no one else.
I guess the assumption in that poster was that a boy/man will respect people generally anyway, but may have a blind spot when it comes to women specifically. That’s the patriarchal narrative.
This is just a small nitpick – People often talk about how puritanical America is because of it’s PURITAN history, not it’s Catholic one. Puritans were a sect of English protestants. The Catholics have never really gained as much influence as Protestants in the country, except in a few pocketed areas (e.g. Boston). It was a pretty big deal when America elected JFK, because many thought a Catholic in charge of ANY part of the country was a bad idea, and that was just 50 years ago.
Just to show I don’t mean any criticism or negativity by my nitpick, I need to grammar-Nazi myself, hehehe.
its NOT it’s – both of the times I used it.
That’ll teach me for posting at two in the morning.
Yeah..that’s completely debatable but I am not going to get into a discussion about it in this thread.
Erin,
It may be a patriachal World. But I pretty much agree with Danny above.
Because in my experience, men who don’t respect women, have in general very little respect for other men as well.
(I.e. they don’t show respect for anyone unless they think they have something to gain from it.)
I do disagree about teaching boys to respect women unless the world starts spending a similar amount of time teaching girls to respect men. This used to happen before but at some point telling women to respect and value men became old fashioned. Remember Erin, women aren’t the only ones who have been objectified. Men have as well. Women therefore need to be reminded to properly respect men.
” Mr Supertypo disagreed with point 5. To me, something seems messed up about that. You disagree about teaching boys or men about respecting women? How about being all for that AND being for teaching boys and men how to respect boys and men too.”
Actually I expanded it, including more categories…
I qoute : “Point five is something I disagree. ”
I understand you had good intentions. I’m just asking you to look at point 5 and say “Yes, I agree with this AND I would like to add…..”
I need to update my statement to say *some* men.. even a lot of men. Certainly not “all” though. But I personally do believe there is a big issue in our world how men treat and respect women in relation to sex and physical attraction.
Sorry about not qualifying that earlier though.
I disagree with the form. Off course we should respect women (you to) but not only. I dont want to respect women just because they are females, but because they are human beings; along with other categories.
@ Danny
I also think that it lacks the message that boys are deserving of respect. Not only should you respect yourself, but others should respect your boundaries as well. Yes, society may have a boys will be boys mentality to excuse boy’s bad behavior, but girl’s bad behavior is excused in other ways. One being that she’s a girl so can’t do any harm.
Danny, this article is about this subject … I am sure other articles will be about what you would like to hear. But just because this article does not cover a part of development for boys that you believe is important does not make this article irrelevant.
Is the subject about respecting girls/women or about changing the way we raise our sons? If its the former then so be it but from what I can tell its the latter.
But I don’t recall saying that this article irrelevant. In fact I don’t think anyone here has said that respect for girls/women is not important.
Danny, you are awesome. I’m also completely tired of the respect women and girls thing when women are being told to love themselves.
Lets just tell men to love themselves and I’m sure their love and respect for others will grow naturally.
Numbers 2, 3, 4, and 6 are all components to a boy learning to love and respect himself.
Is it not important enough to directly say it, at least as directly as “respect women/girls” is pushed? Is respect for women/girls so vital that is must be frequently and directly said but respect for themselves is sufficiently conveyed through implication?
Or maybe the world is FULL of ways we already regularly teach out boys to love themselves and is sometimes lacking in ways to teach them to also love and respect others who are not themselves.
“We have 15 bananas here but we could use some oranges and grapes. There’s not enough variety in the fruit we’re fed.”
“So you’re saying banana aren’t important enough?”
I like the Buddhist approach: Learn to love and respect yourself, then gradually expand that circle until it encompasses the whole world.
“Love thy neighbor as thyself” is pretty much useless if you do not love thyself.
“Love thy neighbor as thyself” is one of the best things ever said because it says in very few untwistable words that respect for others requires respect for yourself. 😀 Whoever came up with it should get the Nobel Price for Literature
It was Jesus who said love thy neighbor. Mark 12:30-31
No,it wasn’t Jesus,this is called the Golden Rule,dates way back in history before Jesus,and is present in one form or another in all major religions,including buddhism,zoroastrianism and taoism. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Rule
Book 11 of Plato’s Laws says “… Thou shalt not, if thou canst help, touch that which is mine, or remove the least thing which belongs to me without my consent; and may I be of a sound mind, and do to others as I would that they should do to me.” This was written 360 BC
How bout we stop trying to figure out who said it and just do the damn command? I get tired of all the fighting about who is right and who is wrong. If you follow Jesus, follow Jesus. If you don’t, don’t. I get tired of both sides downplaying one another and don’t hit me with the “well he started it” crap. Be a grown ass adult and agree to disagree in a cordial manner. By the way, Jesus said to do that to.
Yeah
amen
amen
It mentions it in Leviticus 19 first
no jesus did not say it , is one of the oldest phrases in all of human history,
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2010/10/02/where-did-the-golden-rule-come-from/
Thanks for posting the cartoon. I just thought I’d chime in with something I found interesting. There is actually quite a different philosophy wrapped up in what Christ said compared to the others that proceeded him. Christ was the first to suggest a positive, proactive treatment of others. While the other statements advocate refraining from behavior that you will wish to avoid yourself. Similar phrasing, but a completely different concept.
Mark 12:28-31
God’s most important command
28 One of the legal experts heard their dispute and saw how well Jesus answered them. He came over and asked him, “Which commandment is the most important of all?”
29 Jesus replied, “The most important one is Israel, listen! Our God is the one Lord, 30 and you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your being, with all your mind, and with all your strength.[d] 31 The second is this, You will love your neighbor as yourself.[e] No other commandment is greater than these.”
There are other cultures and ideas besides your own.
Duuuuude is a 1st century Galilean Jew???
It’s hard to believe that there was any dispute about the saying. All of a sudden it appeared that there was discourse because Jesus said it? Are yall serious?