All failed relationships hurt, but letting go of a toxic relationship is actually a gain, not a loss. — Marc and Angel
I ate the rest of my meal in silence. What started out as friendly banter between friends turned into silent glares and seething anger. Ritah hasn’t talked to any of us since, because we hurt her feelings.
While I was having breakfast in a popular restaurant with 4 of my friends yesterday, a song on the radio The Heart Wants What It Wants by Selena Gomez sparked a conversation.
In this song, there is an implication that although you can’t count on your partner, you keep them around because without them a part of your life is missing. No matter how much your partner brings you down, you still love him.
I understand that we might have crossed a line in insisting that Ritah should invest in a little more self-love. But I still insist that being single is better than being in a bad relationship. What are your thoughts?
At what point is it better to be in a crappy relationship than to be single?
A recent study by researchers from the University of Buffalo concluded that it is better to be single than be involved in a poor-quality relationship.
It found that being trapped in an unhappy partnership is so damaging to a person’s health, they would be better off alone. What’s more, it gets worse the longer you are together, the researchers concluded.
Happily, they found that the reverse is also true — that being in a high-quality relationship benefits your physical and mental health.
If you have been in a bad relationship where you convinced yourself despite the terrible treatment and the realization that you deserve better; or if you are stuck in such a relationship — this is for you.
These are the 7 reasons why it is better to be single than to be stuck in a bad relationship;
1. You only need to please yourself
According to psychology, when you are in a bad relationship, you feel a need to overcompensate. Your mind convinces you that the pain in the relationship is a result of something you are not doing well enough to please your partner. Having to constantly please someone else’s needs can be absolutely exhausting, especially if this someone is the wrong one.
Being single allows you to live life the way you want to and there are no “what if” or “ what went wrong” thoughts in your mind. You know best what is good for you and when you are single, you are the only person you need to please and satisfy.
The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. It creates the basis for all other relationships in your life.
2. You have all the freedom you want
In all relationships, boundaries are important. However, being stuck in a relationship with someone that does not respect boundaries and limits your freedom can be stifling.
This is why being single beats being in a bad relationship. You can do whatever you want to, you are free to go wherever you please, and you can talk to whomever you like, without having to explain yourself to anyone.
Sadly, too many people are afraid of being on their own, and they fall into toxic relationships just to avoid being lonely.
Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower. — Hans Christian Andersen
3. You are not taken for granted
Almost every relationship seems perfect at the beginning. You’re madly in love, and you can’t get enough of each other.
But in a bad relationship, your partner starts neglecting you and taking you for granted. And you stand there, wondering how it went down so fast.
Newsflash: You don’t deserve to feel unworthy and broken all the time!
You deserve to be genuinely loved! And if your partner can’t appreciate you, they don’t deserve you. Be single instead, and fall in love with yourself until you find the one who will accept and adore you just as you are.
There comes a time when you need to stop crossing oceans for people who would not jump over puddles for you.
4. You can find happiness within yourself
Everyone deserves to be loved, acknowledged, and happy. If a relationship can’t provide you with these feelings, maybe you shouldn’t be in one in this period of your life.
Maybe the relationship you’re supposed to invest your energy in is the one with yourself.
When you’re single, you have enough time to reevaluate your priorities, and to pursue the things that benefit your own happiness. You also have a chance to get to know yourself better and figure out what brings you happiness.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. — Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
5. You do not need someone else’s drama in your life
Deal with your drama instead. Spoil yourself.
Your worth shouldn’t be defined by someone else’s presence in your life. You should find your worth within yourself, and then be with someone who deserves you.
Besides, life is too short to waste your time on people who can’t see the beauty in you.
So, go on your journey alone for now, and strive to fulfil your life with astonishing experiences and fantastic memories. The right one will surely follow.
Do not be afraid to give yourself everything you’ve ever wanted in life. — Frank Lloyd Wright
6. You can rebuild your self-esteem
If you’ve been in a one-sided, unhealthy relationship, you would know how being treated wrong damages your self-esteem. It makes you feel worthless and insignificant.
And this is definitely not the way you should feel in any relationship under any circumstances. You should never compromise your self-worth for anyone, remember this!
The relationship you need to invest in the most is the one with yourself. You should make your well-being your top priority. Even if it means to get a little selfish at times.
And when you learn how to love yourself, you will be able to see who would be there for the long run, and who’s looking for something temporary. The right one will bring the best in you, not the stress in you. Let that sink in.
You have been criticizing yourself for years and it did not work. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.
— Louise L. Hay
7. You finally have enough mind space to love yourself into a good relationship
We teach others how they should treat us by how we treat ourselves. Similarly, we show others how we expect to be loved depending on our level of self-love.
I hope you find the love you seek. I hope you find the person that you can count on each time you need them. And I hope you bring sunshine and love and happiness into each other’s lives.
I hope through all the pain of leaving a toxic relationship, you learn how to love yourself into a good relationship.
The greatest love of all is the love inside ourselves, for ourselves.
The floor is yours…
“Someone told me the other day that he felt bad for single people because they are lonely all the time. I told him that’s not true, I am single and I don’t feel lonely. I take myself out to eat, I buy myself clothes. I have great times by myself. Once you know how to take care of yourself, company becomes an option and not a necessity.”
— Keanu Reeves
Would you rather be in a bad relationship than be single? Share your thoughts.
Previously published on medium
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