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Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.
Dealing With a Narcissist
What are the seven reasons why you will never get closure from a narcissist?
Hello, I’m Matthew Hussey. If you’re new to the channel, welcome. Today, I want to discuss the subject of narcissism and why dealing with a narcissist can be so unbelievably unrewarding. When we interact with people like this, we often experience a complete lack of closure, which can feel maddening. The reason I wanted to make this video is to help you break the cycle of going back to these individuals in the hopes of achieving a different result or finally getting the closure you’ve always wanted from them.
I hope to make this video so dismal in its outlook regarding these situations that you will be motivated to step away from them rather than attempting to fix them.
They Will Never Take Accountability
Why can you never expect to get closure from a narcissist?
One of the most maddening aspects of dealing with a person like this is that the idea of getting a genuine apology—”I’m sorry I did that; that was my fault”—is a fantasy. We can point out everything they have done wrong and explain how it has affected us tremendously. We can highlight the chaos they have caused, but they are not interested in that reality. They only care about their own perspective.
Bringing them to admit fault doesn’t align with how they operate. Even if you manage to extract an apology, it will be incredibly unsatisfying. You may have to beg them to see your point of view, exhausting all options, to finally get a response that feels more like a dismissal—”Alright, I’m sorry. What do you want me to do?”—rather than a genuine acknowledgment.
They Will Never Truly Empathize
The second reason you’ll never get closure is **because they will never truly empathize** with your situation. It’s always about them. When you express how something has affected you, you won’t just fail to receive an apology; you won’t even feel like they’re connecting at all with your experience. Instead, they will deflect, turn the conversation back on you, claim you’re being overly sensitive, or start discussing their own pain.
Empathy is a miracle in human connection. It’s the difference between someone acknowledging your hurt and offering supportive words versus someone pushing you aside. The narcissist will never truly see you. They won’t grant you this essential human connection, which is why being in an intimate relationship with them can leave you feeling so utterly alone.
Standing Up to Them Can Backfire
The third reason you’ll never get closure applies to the more malignant, antagonistic narcissists. **By standing up to them, you’re often giving them what they want.** You might fantasize about finally telling them how you feel, thinking it will be rewarding and that you’ll stop them in their tracks. However, standing up to them can actually give them the engagement they crave.
They thrive on your energy, whether it’s anger, distress, or any kind of reaction. They might say something that they know will get under your skin, and when you engage, you’re giving them control. If I can provoke you, I own you.
Dr. Ramani often emphasizes, “Do not engage.” This powerful phrase encapsulates the fact that engagement allows them to exert power over you. When you react, you may think you’re standing your ground, but instead, you’re just feeding their need for control.
You Will Never Teach Them a Lesson
The fourth reason you’ll never get closure is **because you will never teach them a lesson.** We often think, “Someone needs to show them the consequences of their actions.” But narcissists do not operate by the same rules we do. They aren’t interested in learning lessons or reflecting on their behavior.
Many narcissists exhibit a certain incompetence—it’s tough to grow when you assume you’re always right. They are focused solely on fulfilling their own agenda, whether that’s through attention, money, or adoration. Learning lessons simply isn’t in their framework.
They’re Giving Someone Else What You Never Got
The fifth reason you’ll never get closure is **because you often see them giving to someone else what they never gave to you.** Many people have had the experience of witnessing a narcissist thriving in a new relationship and displaying behaviors they never showed toward you.
It’s essential to remember that social media often presents an idealized version of relationships—it’s not a reliable barometer for understanding someone’s relationship dynamics. Even if they appear to be doing all the lovely things for their new partner, that doesn’t mean it’s sustainable. Narcissists change when they’re in pursuit of something versus when they already have it.
You Will Never Win
The sixth reason you won’t get closure is **because you will never win.** If you stand up for yourself and suddenly feel in charge, the narcissist will simply shift their tactics. Narcissists are masters of shape-shifting; when they’re in power, they can be tyrannical, but when they’re not, they can quickly switch to the victim role.
They’ll convert any anger you have toward them into guilt by playing the victim. Weaponizing your guilt and pity is a hallmark of narcissistic behavior. They know how to make you feel like a bad person, even when you’re perfectly justified in your feelings.
They Will Never Make Sense to You
The seventh reason you will never get closure with a person like this is **because they will never make sense to you.** The more you try to understand their actions, the more you realize you’re applying the wrong logic to the situation. Narcissists operate on a different wavelength, and it doesn’t align with your values or reasoning—much like trying to measure sound with a ruler—it simply won’t work.
The quicker you accept this, the sooner you can free yourself from needing to understand. Disengaging from narcissists might feel unjust, as you may believe you should receive acknowledgment for the pain they’ve caused. Yet, the reality is that you may have to be the bigger person and accept the situation without closure.
Ultimately, the real closure is not the acknowledgment you seek but rather the peace you find in disengaging. The space between you and them can offer a sense of liberation.
Conclusion
If you’re fortunate enough to walk away, you’ll find the peace that comes from releasing expectations that will never be fulfilled. Remember: peace is closure.
If you want to continue the conversation with me or ask a question about what you’ve learned today, visit askmh.com and try Matthew AI. You can text or call me, and I’ll respond in my own voice. It’s completely free to try, and if you enjoy it, take advantage of our Black Friday offer for 50% off your first month of unlimited access to Matthew AI.
Thank you so much for watching, and I’ll see you soon!
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
Blog → https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/ Facebook → https://facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/thematthewh… Twitter → https://twitter.com/matthewhussey ▼ Connect with Stephen ▼ Youtube → https://bit.ly/StephenHusseyYoutube Instagram → http://bit.ly/StephenHusseyIG
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