“I am the measure of my worth, and I say I am worthy.” — Unknown
I used to struggle so badly with self-esteem.
I would go out with a boy just to prove that I could get a date. I wanted so badly to prove myself worthy of loving. Of being in a relationship.
The best relationship I was in initially felt like he really adored me. However, it lasted eight months before he called it quits. I think he grew wary of constantly needing to validate me.
I tried to convince myself I only needed the validation because my main love language is words of affirmation.
The truth? I was scared shitless. I felt that I was not good enough. I felt that I was not worthy. I felt that they would eventually leave me, so I pushed them away.
The struggle with self-esteem was a constant vicious cycle.
Because of my low self-esteem issues, whenever I would get into relationships, I would constantly seek validation from my partner. I put that down to the fact that the only guy I ever really loved cheated on me.
It was not my fault although he tried to make it seem like it was.
He said constantly validating me was tiring to him. In all subsequent relationships, I would start to feel more self-conscious and unworthy whenever I could sense they were tired of validating me.
We all want to feel confident and secure in our relationships. But how do we build trust with a partner when there’s an absence of confidence in themselves?
How can you communicate with someone who doesn’t know that they deserve love or understanding from their significant other because the one thing each person needs most is self-esteem.
If you’re struggling with self-esteem issues, here are seven super habits you can adopt that will make a world of difference.
1. Give yourself credit.
One important thing to remember in all of your relationships is to give yourself credit.
You are the only one who knows what is going on inside of you, so you are the only one who can decide how much credit to give yourself.
When you accomplish something, big or small, take a moment to acknowledge your achievement. This doesn’t mean bragging or being arrogant; it simply means recognizing your own worth and giving yourself credit for the fear you just accomplished.
If you do not give yourself credit, then you will never feel good about yourself or your relationship.
You need to be confident in order to have a healthy relationship, and giving yourself credit is a huge part of being confident.
I was in a relationship with unrequited love. I kept blaming myself for that instead of celebrating and giving myself credit for all the good I brought into his life.
If you want your relationships to thrive, make sure to give yourself plenty of credit.
I liked this article by Thought Catalog
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2. Compliment yourself.
Complimenting yourself in a relationship is very healthy.
It might seem weird or egotistical at first, but it’s actually a very humble and loving thing to do.
When you take the time to sincerely acknowledge your own strengths, talents, and virtues, you are reflecting an attitude of self-love.
Just as you should give yourself credit when you do something good, you should also be your own cheerleader when it comes to your appearance and character.
And when you love yourself, you are naturally able to give more love to others.
Without that foundation of self-love, relationships can become unbalanced and unhealthy.
So go ahead and give yourself a compliment today! You deserve it.
I liked this article by Ellen Eastwood
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3. Forgive yourself.
Everyone makes mistakes in relationships.
Sometimes we hurt the ones we love without meaning to, and sometimes we make choices that we later regret.
But it’s important to remember that forgiveness is always possible, both for others and for ourselves.
Remember that making mistakes is part of being human.
And what matters more than the mistakes we do make is how we deal with them. If you beat yourself up every time you mess up, you’ll never be able to move on and improve.
Learning to forgive ourselves is an important step on the road to happiness.
When we can let go of past mistakes, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and new relationships. We also send a message to the world that we are worthy of love and forgiveness.
So next time you find yourself dwelling on a past mistake, take a deep breath and remember that forgiveness is always possible. Forgive yourself.
I liked this article by Annabelle
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4. Be assertive.
Being assertive in relationships is incredibly important because it allows you to set boundaries, voice your needs and wants, and maintain a healthy level of self-respect.
When you are assertive, you are able to effectively communicate your needs to your partner without feeling anxious or scared.
Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself or stand up for what you believe in.
Assertiveness shows strength of character and confidence in your convictions.
Additionally, being assertive can help prevent conflict in relationships.
If you feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells around your partner, it may be time to start being more assertive.
Keep in mind that being assertive does not mean being aggressive. It simply means that you are confident and direct when communicating with your partner.
By being assertive, you can build a stronger, more healthy relationship with the people you care about.
I liked this article by Darius Foroux
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5. Set boundaries.
Because we want the people in our lives to feel loved, it’s easy to mistakenly believe that setting boundaries will push them away.
In reality, the opposite is true. When we don’t set boundaries, we’re giving the people in our lives carte blanche to treat us however they want.
Know your limits and stick to them. Don’t let others take advantage of you or treat you poorly.
We might not like it when they take advantage of us, but we also don’t feel like we have the right to say “no.” As a result, we can end up feeling resentful and trapped.
By contrast, setting boundaries shows that we respect ourselves and value our relationships.
It allows us to have healthier, more supportive relationships in which both parties feel seen and respected.
So if you’re looking to build healthier relationships, start by setting some boundaries.
I liked this article by Louis Morris
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6 . Believe in yourself.
You are the only one who knows what is best for you in a relationship.
You are the one who knows what you need and deserve.
When you listen to your heart, you will always be led in the right direction.
Have faith in your abilities and trust that you can handle whatever life throws your way .
Other people may try to tell you what they think you should do, but only you know what is truly best for you.
So believe in yourself, and trust that you will always find your way to happiness.
When you do, your relationships will be so much more fulfilling, and you will attract only those who are meant to be in your life.
7. Invest in yourself.
Investing in yourself also means you should love yourself.
Self-love is the most important love you will ever have. You are with yourself every minute of every day, so it’s vital that you have a healthy relationship with yourself.
When you love and respect yourself, it sets the tone for all your other relationships.
People who are confident and secure in themselves are more likely to attract healthier relationships.
They’re also less likely to stay in unhealthy relationships because they know their own worth.
If you want to have happy and lasting relationships, start by investing in yourself.
Get to know who you are, what you want, and what makes you happy. Spend time and resources on things that make you happy and help you grow as a person.
Fill your life with things that make you feel good, and let go of anything that doesn’t.
When you take care of yourself first, everything else will fall into place.
I liked this article by E.B. Johnson
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Final Thoughts
Those days of me struggling with self-esteem issues are long gone. I believe that my fiance loves me fully, flaws and all. He checks all the boxes.
I finally learned the super art of positive reframing. This means taking a situation that was originally perceived as negative and finding the silver lining in it. For example, if someone makes a comment to dull my shine, I choose to believe that is a reflection of who they are as a person and has nothing to do with me.
“As a man thinketh, so is he.” — Proverbs 23:7
Having healthy self-esteem is crucial to having strong, healthy relationships.
If your self-esteem needs a boost, try incorporating these seven super habits into your life.
You deserve to feel good about yourself, and by making some positive changes, you can achieve the fulfilling relationships you desire.
And Now Your Thoughts
I want to hear all about your perspective on this topic. Please let us chat in the comments section.
Thank you for reading.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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