I am on my third week of being in a mental clinic for the third time round in the past few months. What I’m doing here is a story for another day.
In the meantime, I’ve fallen in love. I knew the minute I saw this guy, and when telling my friend the other day about the crazy story, she replied,
“You never fail to attract everywhere you go”.
This got me thinking.
She’s right — I’ve fallen in love quite a few times now and found a good relationship each time. So I thought I’d share my tips on 7 ways that love develops beyond initial attraction. It actually isn’t that complicated; you have to be intentional and trusting in your steps you take!
Love can happen anywhere you go; you have to manifest in the magic of it.
7 ways to find love
1. Show them the attention they crave
The greatest gift you can give someone is your time, your attention, your love, your concern. — anonymous
All of us crave attention. I mean, we are only social human beings who want to interact and feel loved.
When being in a mental clinic, I see this craving for attention from every patient. My roommate, for example, seeks attention by asking questions about every little thing. She even asks me what there is for breakfast, and she’s been staying here for the past six weeks already, so she should know that bread is the only thing we get given for breakfast by now!
Anyhow, the guy I am falling in love with subtly craves attention. He’s a shy kind of guy, and I knew this when I locked eyes with him. His body language, timidness, and quiet voice all let off this to me, but I was still ready for my mission to make him like me. I sat next to him and started to talk — it can be that simple! When he opened up to me about why he is in the clinic, I listened and gave him space to tell me about his feelings. I showed him the attention he deserved because I made sure to listen (which is my second tip):
2. Make sure to listen to every word they utter
The first duty of love is to listen. — Paul Tillich
Paul says it very right, and I think listening in a relationship is the best thing you can do. I mean, a healthy relationship all comes down to healthy communication, right?!
So getting back to this guy and me, I have to say it’s amazing how he can open up to me. I guess people have said to me in the past that I provide a safe space, or I feel like a shelter to people because I listen. When people feel safe in your presence, they will want to open up naturally, and that’s what he did from the start. We connected and understood each other well due to the way we both felt and our mental health issues. We had similarities in what we were suffering from — both of us have suffered from a psychotic episode, and that’s the reason we both landed here.
I’ve spoken about building new relationships by listening before. Check it out:
3. Reassure and compliment them
If someone criticises you, give them a compliment. — Debasish Mridha
So the guy I am falling in love with is super shy and super low on self-esteem, unfortunately. The thing is, with depression comes a lack of self-confidence, and it can chew your self-esteem right up to the point where you don’t believe in yourself anymore. This is him. It breaks my heart to see as he is so talented — he writes songs, plays the guitar, makes music, is amazing in every sport(!), but he beats himself up the whole time.
Of course, it is not my job to reassure him the whole time, and neither is it your job to reassure someone they are good enough because, at the end of the day, it is up to them to love themselves. However, you can make someone fall in love with you by telling them what you like about them. I mean, why not?! If you’re falling in love with someone, there’s a reason or multiple reasons… so tell them, be open, be kind.
I like to tell my guy that he has a nice smile and voice. His voice is so soothing that I reassure him when conversing that he tells good stories — this is something he struggles to believe because of social anxiety, for example. Whatever it is you like about them, tell them — there’s nothing to lose, and people love being complimented!!
4. Lock eyes with them — eye contact is crucial in the game of love
I remember locking eyes with this guy the first day I saw him. My roommate at the time a few hours later commented,
“I saw the way you look at him. What is your deal?”
Isn’t it so funny how people can catch on to the way you look at people straight away? That’s the thing — the way you look at someone gives away a lot. I’ve also mentioned this before in an article:
Locking eyes with someone is like locking souls with one another. The first time I locked eyes with my ex was definitely something out of a movie. We were in a bar in Seville, and I remember turning to him as I could feel his stare, and we then locked eyes with this fierce kind of love and light I have never felt before. This time around, with this guy in the clinic, it was more of an asserted understanding feeling between us on how we feel and why we are here.
5. Be present in their company and be yourself
When someone else’s happiness is your happiness, that is love. — Lana Del Ray
Being present in someone’s company means giving all your attention and time to that person. In other words, it is about giving your all and being there no matter what may be on your mind. So the thing is, there is nothing much to do in a mental clinic other than therapy and go on nature walks. It is quite a blessing to be in nature, actually, as it’s very healing.
We tend to walk every day for hours in the forest and find treehouses we climb up and chill in. We then talk for hours about everything and anything, and it is one of the most romantic things I have experienced (even in a mental clinic!). When we are in nature, we are totally absorbed by one another’s presence and surroundings — it’s magical. How can you be more present with somebody you like and want to fall in love with? Just be there in the moment and don’t think of anything or anyone else — it works wonders.
Oh, and remember to be yourself. This is crucial when you are falling in love with someone — be you in all your weirdness, quirkiness. When I am with this guy, I love to make weird sounds and laugh at anything — try it out! Be yourself because everyone else is already taken.
6. Give them time and space — don’t overdo it
One thing to remember when making someone fall in love with you is not to overdo it. I’ve seen this before when girls really try to make someone like them, and they are over flirty, over touchy, over trying full stop. It makes me cringe. I can tell that guys don’t like it, as they are put off by the over-attention, maybe. Or maybe it’s just cringing full stop.
When being in a mental clinic, it is hard to give time and space because we are basically living together, eating together, doing everything together all the time. However, there are times when I know I need to write like now, for example, and I need space and time to be in flow and rhyme. He also has the same for when he feels inspired about a song and has to write it out, so that works too. Asides from that, we are basically spending every minute together, and patients are noticing. One patient the other day thought we had known each other for ages and were here together. Ha!
7. Show them they are loved
We all want to be loved at the end of the day. Just like showing someone the attention they deserve and complimenting them, you must show them they are loved. This doesn’t mean you need to say “I love you” 24/7, but show them in small ways that you love them. Showing someone you love them through the little things is the biggest thing you can do. Here are some ways you can show someone they are loved. Just be sure they care consenting to all this attention, especially physical contact.
- Touching their face or hand as a sign of love
- Smiling at them intentionally
- Locking eyes with them and smiling through eye contact
- Asking them how they are doing/if they are ok
- Asking them meaningful questions
- Complimenting them on something they do
There are ways you can attract the type of people you want to love, and I hope this has covered some of them. The list may be endless because it is different for everyone. Still, these are the tips that work best for me: show them attention, show them you care, show them they are loved, make eye contact, give them time and space, be present in their company, and last but not least make sure to listen to them!
What are you going to take from this list? I hope it helps and happy falling in love — it is the best thing we can do.
Before you go
Thanks for being here.❤
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Jenny Smith on Unsplash