In a world that has become increasingly technology-dependent, maintaining a long-distance relationship might seem easier than it was in the past. However, if you are or have found yourself in an LDR, you know how challenging it can become to develop a strong connection with your long-distance partner. In this blog, I would love to share a few therapist-backed practices that helped me and my partner over our >1-year long-distance relationship —
Ask questions
Communication is key in a long-distance relationship, and one of the simplest ways you can communicate with your partner is to set aside time to ask questions that are important to you. It may sound obvious, but is the perfect opportunity to connect with your partner and build stronger emotional intimacy.
This is something that most often takes a backseat in regular relationships, where we default to topics that are more day-day.
Learn each other’s Attachment Style
How clingy or detached are you? How frequently do you like to call your long-distance partner? How comfortable are you to depend on them or express your feelings with them transparently?
It’s essential you learn what your attachment style in close relationships is. Studies suggest that those long-distance couples who work on building a secure and safe relationship are more likely to end up together. This attachment style quiz by Attachment Project is a great place to start!
Knowing your partner’s attachment style would serve to develop deeper understanding and sensitivity to each other’s needs.
Create space for shared experiences
While being in an LDR allows both of you to have more autonomy over your personal lives, it is also important to build a sense of ‘interdependency’, so you have some shared experiences that help you feel connected over the long-term.
Become involved in your partner’s interests, find a way to support and encourage their growth, pick activities that you both enjoy doing, and can be done remotely, schedule movie nights, game nights or start your own book club!
Fighting fit
Conflicts or disagreements are bound to emerge in any close relationship. And how we deal with them make all the difference. Fighting in an LDR becomes slightly more complicated as you can easily put off tough conversations. Make time to address what’s bothering you, as soon as you can. Collect your thoughts and approach your partner with respect and gentleness. After all, both of you want this to work out..
Schedule periodic ‘relationship check-ins’, where you both take turns to speak heart-heart and go over anything that’s on your mind. Make sure to appreciate your partner and what you love about your relationship during these sessions.
Be fully present
Schedule your calls in advance, so you both are fully present in the call, and not in between other commitments. This could look like sharing your calendars, or agreeing on periodic video calls, say once or twice a week.
Minimize any distractions and show your partner that they are your priority. You could have ‘virtual’ dates where you both make an effort to dress up, put in the effort and share a meal together!
Go the extra mile to express yourself (pun intended)
Expressing your feelings, thoughts and insecurities are a big part of any intimate relationship, but are even more so, in the case of long-distance relationships. So, don’t be shy to express your love, care and longing to be with each other.
Send your partner a surprise package, drop them a romantic text, have late-night conversations, dream together about what you will do once you meet again, just let go and express your innermost feelings. Chances are, this will make your partner open up more to you!
Make plans to meet in-person
Make plans to meet in-person as frequently as it is possible, and stick to them. Always have your next meeting planned, so you both know exactly how long you would have to wait before meeting again. It is also important that you mutually agree on how best you can culminate the long-distance in time.
One of the blessings in disguise in a long-distance relationship, is how much you grow to value time spent together.
Summing Up…
Being apart offers more time and reason to build and secure your relationship. You tend to appreciate your partner’s presence more and value time spent together more than in your other relationships. I may be biased here, but I believe your relationship will be the stronger for it!
It is true that distance or absence ‘makes the heart grow fonder’. When you ultimately decide to merge both your lives, remind yourself how much you waited for this moment, cherish this feeling and don’t let it go.
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I hope you found this blog informative and engaging! Do support my writing by following my Medium handle and subscribing to receive my blog updates. Want to chat further? Drop me a line at [email protected].
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Everton Vila on Unsplash
