The best sex starts in your head, not the bedroom.
Did you know that 90 percent of sex is in your head? (I know, the best 10 percent is in your body, but that’s just the payoff for getting the head stuff right.)
Here are 9 “hints” that you can pick up on that tell you something needs to change into order to make the physical side of your relationship outstanding.
Hint #1 – Has this become just another task on your list? (Sex – check.)
EXPERIENCE IT FULLY. Choose a time when you can enjoy being together without feeling a need to rush to another activity. Yes, you can do this quickly but make the choice to enjoy taking your time. (The 10 minutes before company arrives might be doable but is it always desirable?) Sometimes you need to schedule down time in the calendar so it doesn’t get squeezed out by less important activities.
Hint #2 – Have you become predictable? (Last new move was in high school you say?)
MIX IT UP. Doing the same thing in the same way can create boredom for both of you. It isn’t necessary to hang from the chandelier, unless you’re into that and have strong ceilings. What about switching sides of the bed? Kissing her toes? Or doing something radical like changing the timing from evening to morning?
Hint #3 – Is it too loud in your head? (Evict the internal monologue.)
RELAX. Do you have thoughts running through your head? Take your first real breath of the day. Let go of the busy pace of life. Be present. Feel centered. Now you can tune into how she makes you feel. When you aren’t thinking about other things you are peaceful. Even putting the stuff of life aside for an hour can provide a calm space for significant interaction. Better for you and for her.
Hint #4 – Have you tried walking in her shoes? (Hey – heels can be pretty uncomfortable.)
PUT YOURSELF IN HER POSITION. What has she been going through? Does she need time to unwind? Does she feel like her head is spinning? You can provide a refuge from the loud, demanding, in your face world. Try a shoulder or foot massage as a way to help her relax. You might even ask how much pressure feels good to her.
Hint #5 – Does she know she is appreciated? (Have you said so lately?)
TALK TO HER. She may know you think she’s great, but she might need you to say so. You get bonus points for saying so while looking at her. Double bonus points for looking into her eyes. Triple bonus points for smiling, looking into her eyes, and saying how you feel about her. Want to go for the jackpot? You can even put one hand on the side of her face like they do in chick flicks so she feels cherished.
Hint #6 – Have you hugged her? (Or did this go by the wayside over time?)
HOLD HER. There is nothing like being held by her gorgeous guy. Sometimes we get very comfortable with our partner and tend to skip steps. Each of us needs seven hugs a day (I recently heard 12, but seven is a good beginning.) Most of us are running around with quite a hug shortage so make this way to connect a real priority.
Hint #7 – Do you act as though she is more than just a body? (Body mechanics and positions can be fun but there is so much more potential.)
ENGAGE HER FEELINGS WITH YOURS. Smile. Connect and find out how she’s feeling. Granted, her body is a nice container. It’s even better to bring her spirit, passion and energy along for the ride.
Hint #8 – Do you know what she wants? (Mind reading is definitely hit or miss.)
BE BOTH CONSIDERATE AND MASTERFUL. Ask what she wants. And then? Go ahead and do it. You’re brilliant! You can even pretend it was your idea in the first place. She will be thrilled you asked as long as you don’t make fun or criticize what she suggests. (No you don’t need to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Just asking, listening, and accepting what she’s saying is huge.)
Let her know that she is special to you and you will become the best lover in the world to her.
When was the last time you felt like an amazing lover?
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