9 Tough Lessons You’re Better Off Learning the Hard Way

We all know there is benefit from learning from the wisdom of others especially those who have been tested by life. They have already faced the consequences of certain mistakes, therefore, they can offer invaluable guidance on what we can avoid.

In other words, listening to their wisdom will save us from committing the costly blunders that lead to great pain.

So, if anyone can help you avoid the kind of catastrophic blunders that leave lifelong scars, it makes great sense to take their advice! I see little reason to let people make life-ruining mistakes just for the sake of learning. Not every lesson needs to come from dire consequences.

“I see little reason to let people make life-ruining mistakes just for the sake of learning.”

However, there are some things, like learning from small failures in everyday challenges that are actually better experienced firsthand, because they are the kinds of experiences that shape us and don’t exactly ruin us.

The ideal time to learn these lessons

It is best to learn these lessons gradually and ideally during our young adult years when we are still figuring out how life works, and making mistakes is not likely to lead to long-term consequences.

At this stage, people are more adaptable and more likely have support systems to help them recover and learn from their experiences.

Of course, there are some lessons like setting boundaries or realizing that hard work alone doesn’t always guarantee success, which can be learned in the later stages of life even when we are faced with more significant challenges. What is important is, we learn these lessons before they can create lasting regrets.

“At this stage, people are more adaptable and more likely have support systems to help them recover and learn from their experiences.”

Here, we will look at nine life lessons that are best learned the hard way…but early:

1. Not everyone deserves your trust

This has to be at the top of the list. When you are young, you often think that everyone is as kind and trustworthy as you are. I had a one-time best friend who I thought would always have my back. Then he betrayed my trust in a big way and I was crushed. Funny enough after that, all the other red flags I had previously dismissed as anomalies formed a clear, troubling pattern. That was when I learned the hard way that not everyone deserves our trust.

You must always be careful about who you let in, and it is paramount to protect your feelings.

“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” – William Shakespeare

2. Failure builds confidence

This may sound strange, but failing at something can really make you more confident. How? Let me tell you: I was once very terrified of failing, especially when it came to school. When I entered a science fair and my project completely flopped, I was as embarrassed as any 12-year old could be. By some miracle, instead of giving up, I tried again, and guess what? I won third place!

So, after failing the first time my young mind accepted it was okay to mess up as long as I keep trying. That failure, therefore, helped me believe in myself more than if I had actually succeeded on my first try.

“I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan

3. Being busy doesn’t mean being productive

We used to think that being busy was the same thing as getting things done and we would fill our schedules with tons of activities to be even more successful. In reality we weren’t really accomplishing that much, and it wasn’t until I started focusing on the stuff that really mattered (studying smarter, not harder) that I realized being productive is about quality, not quantity.

“Beware the barrenness of a busy life.” – Socrates

4. You can’t please everyone

This is another tough one. No matter how hard you try, someone will always find something to rip into, eagerly pointing to something you did “wrong”, and it can really get to you if you let it. What you can take away from this is that trying to make everyone happy just is not possible, and that’s cool too.

“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” – Dita Von Teese

5. Hard work doesn’t always lead to success

We are often told that if we work hard, we will succeed. What we are not always told is, sometimes even with hard work things don’t always go as planned! I used to be great ping pong enthusiast as a kid, and I believe I practiced more than anyone but I didn’t always win.

You learn that even though hard work is important, there are many other factors like timing and luck that can factor in to who wins and who doesn’t. Lesson learned: it is better to work hard and be okay with whatever outcome happens.

“Hard work guarantees you nothing, but without it you don’t stand a chance.” – Pat Riley

6. Love isn’t enough for a relationship

Many people think that love can just fix everything in a relationship. For me, as I got older, I came to realize that it isn’t enough: effective communication, trust, and respect are also necessary for a fulfilling relationship.

I had a friend whose marriage was marked by relentless conflict and emotional turmoil but stayed because he believed they “loved each other.”

Eventually, however, they divorced because their union simply wasn’t healthy. This is one reason I firmly believe that we all should learn early that while love is important, it is not the only thing that sustains a relationship.

“Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone – but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding.” —Quentin Crisp

7. Boundaries are mandatory, not optional

Saying “no” will always be hard when all you are thinking about is not letting people down. Agree to do things you don’t really want to just to make others happy and over time, you will become overwhelmed, exhausted and frustrated.

Therefore learn quickly that setting boundaries, whether it is with friends, family, or school, is essential for your mental health. You can’t do everything.

“No is a complete sentence.” – Annie Lamott

8. Your comfort zone can be a dangerous place

Staying in your comfort zone is quite easy because things feel familiar and safe. What you should know, however, is stepping out of it and taking a little risk is the primary way to grow.

It may seem scary at first but once you push yourself to try it, you will find the benefits of leaving your comfort zone are huge: gaining self-confidence by overcoming challenges and encouraging new experiences, leading to many meaningful connections with others. To mention a few.

“A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.” – John A. Shedd

9. Change is uncomfortable but necessary

Change can be hard, moving to a new school, ending a friendship, etc., but change is also inevitable and I necessary for you to grow.

When we were younger we used to resist change, especially me because it made me anxious but change would always come, and after going through some tough ones, I came to realize that while it was sometimes uncomfortable at first, change has led to better things. You should learn to embrace too it instead of fearing it.

“Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.” – John F. Kennedy

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“However, there are some things, like learning from small failures in everyday challenges that are actually better experienced firsthand, because they are the kinds of experiences that shape us and don’t exactly ruin us.”

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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