This morning I picked up my daughter from a friend’s house that she had spent the night at last night, after breakfast but before lunch as per my feelings about what the  protocols should be in these situations. Her spending the night with friends wasn’t odd, it’s something that she’s been doing for a while, but this case was a bit different because of the particular friends. We’ve been extremely lucky to have fallen into a little group of people that we know and trust, with children that our daughter has been close with for a good potion of her life. It’s been invaluable during the past few years as society has closed ranks into little pods and also for peace of mind whenever Alaina has been off living her best little social life. She’s spent that time almost exclusively with others that I handed her off to completely without reservation.
Was that enough? I’ve been referred to as anything from protective to controlling depending on who you ask but there were a bunch of questions that I don’t feel are unreasonable to ask when your kid is being entrusted to a stranger’s care for the night. Do they have dogs, guns, older siblings? What sort of neighborhood is this and how much are the kids going to be allowed to wander it? Does anybody in the house smoke, either cigarettes or the wacky green stuff, and if they do, do they smoke in the house or go outside? Does anybody have a fever of a sudden loss of smell?
She’s home, safe and healthy, of course, but I still don’t know the answers to any of those questions or the appropriateness of asking any of them. I trust my daughter and think that she has a pretty good handle on what she should and shouldn’t be doing but she is also only ten years old and only just now spreading her wings a bit and establishing friendships and relationships beyond those that we have established for her. She’s a kind hearted kid who doesn’t like it when people are disappointed or cross with her. As she gets older and starts to encounter more and more peer pressure this aspect of her personality is going to have to evolve. It’s not going to be as easy as just flipping a switch.
I trust her because I have to, because letting these thoughts consume me will drive me insane and her away from me. As I attempted with her older sister, with mixed results, I don’t want to hold against her all of the stupid shit I did as a kid but it’s no easier now than it was back then.
The pandemic allowed me to keep my daughter close and her circle small for longer than it probably would have stayed otherwise. The world is beginning to open and as it does so do her opportunities to do different things with different people. Somehow it feels more sudden than it should. She has some new friends, some new shoes from a mall shopping spree and a new show that she is into on Netflix. The post-sleepover crash on the couch was the same.
I think I’m just going to sit here and watch over her for a little while longer.
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Previously Published on Thirsty Daddy and is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: Shutterstock
