A friend made a comment to me about dating. It wasn’t all that nice. But I’ll get to that in a minute. It involved cats and single ladies. Who knew some wouldn’t find Fluffy adorable?
Cats have recently been labeled contraband.
Worse, so have single ladies.
To be fair, my friend combined both in a sentence before it became political.
Note to readers: I’m not political. I’m a smartass. Read this with the humor it’s intended to have. Please do not absorb it with intolerance, or anger. I write about relationships. That’s my point of view, not politics.
So here’s my story.
We are out one evening. The divorced girlies and me. All is going well. We’re having fun…until we’re not. There’s been a little controversy as of late.
Two of the girls are having a debate.
A nice way of saying an argument.
It’s getting heated.
When the tears begin to fall, I begin to intervene. This exchange of views needs a moderator. Let’s just say it doesn’t turn out well for me. But hey, I was raised by a family of first responders.
I see human suffering and I mobilize.
The backstory: The argument is over whether or not a guy you’re dating should have ‘girl’ friends. One woman is friends with my other friend’s boyfriend. To be fair, she introduced them.
To be fair to my other friend, he’s not exactly trustworthy.
She suspects this, and it’s eating away at her. She will one day find out she’s correct. But at this point, it’s upsetting her that he’s out late at night with other women.
The friend that introduced them is defending that, and their friendship.
She’s now in tears.
“Okay,” I say. “Enough. She’s crying.”
“Oh, really,” says my friend, aka the other debater. “You’re going to die a single old cat lady.”
Wow!
Didn’t see that coming!
Btw, I don’t own a cat…just a yellow lab named Phyllis.
So am I really??!!
My backstory: I joke that I’m never getting married again. I’m okay with that. I just want to meet a guy that makes the world good, kind, safe, and fun. I’m not sure I want a vow, or a license again.
Who could blame me?
Those two things (well, and a man) made my divorce last five years.
It was primarily the man….So you have to get my reasoning.
The other part of my backstory? I began dating nearly a year ago. I actually did meet a guy who made the world feel good, kind, safe, and fun. It wasn’t meant to last.
My friends know I’ve resisted dating after him.
Hence, no interest in marriage + refusal to get over a guy =
Dying a single old cat lady.
I’m the divorced unicorn of the group. The rest of the girls want to meet a man, and get married again. I respect that. They do actually respect me. Okay, one may not on this particular evening.
They just don’t understand me.
Marriage doesn’t necessarily equal happiness to me.
Not anymore.
Back to the debate: I’m more than a little stunned. I would typically find a comment like this hysterical. I have a great sense of humor. I love to laugh. But not on this night.
My uncle once summed me up.
“Colleen,” he said. “You’re whole life you’ve been a happy girl. And all you have ever wanted is for everyone around you to be happy. BUT if the situation calls for it you can be feisty.”
He wasn’t wrong.
I surprise myself in the next few moments.
“Colleen,” says my friend. “You don’t want to f*ck with me.”
She’s irritated that I’ve intervened.
“No,” I say. “On the contrary, YOU do not want to f*ck with me.”
She was getting my Irish up.
At this point, the two guys we are with decide they are first responders, too. They don’t like the single old cat lady reference. They think it’s a little below the belt.
And uncalled for since technically, I never had a dog in this fight.
Sorry, couldn’t help myself.
I had to insert another animal reference.
They call a timeout.
I’m more than a little aggravated.
I think it’s less about the actual comment, and more about the musings of my choices. Who cares if we have different relationship goals (says the relationship columnist) because people desire different things from relationships.
Not to mention…
Could dating after my divorce get any worse?
A stereotype meets a caricature??!!
Someone let me off of this ride!
Eventually, I get over it. It is pretty funny. I have to admit they aren’t necessarily wrong. I want to date but I’m still what I would call a reluctant dater.
I’m in a hurry but I’m really not.
It becomes a joke between us.
All is forgotten.
All is good.
That is, until recently.
My friend has had her second heartbreak this year. As I mentioned earlier, she was correct about not being able to trust the guy she was with. I wrote about it here, My Friend Walked in on Her Boyfriend With Another Woman.
She recovers from him, only to meet a second man which doesn’t end well.
She’s sad but strong.
“I’m a little worried about you,” I say. “You’re having a hard time getting over a man.”
“I know,” she says. “It’s so hard.”
“Oh,” I say. “That’s not why I’m worried. It turns out you may die a single old cat lady, too.”
“We can live together,” she says.
“Yes,” I say. “All we’re missing are the cats.”
We burst out laughing.
We’ve become the stereotype meets the caricature. Humor is the desperate relief of divorced dating. It helps. It gets us through the misadventures of men.
But is it really fair to Fluffy??!!
Or single ladies??!!
Because we are those girls minus the kittens.
Not at all.
It turns out people have been beating up on cats, and single ladies….
Long before it became political.
Thankfully, some Swifties and others are now rooting for us, I mean them.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Hutomo Abrianto on Unsplash
