A Great Relationship Is About 3 Things, Not Just 2

You have heard it before: “A great relationship is about two things: appreciating the similarities and respecting the differences.” It sounds nice and it definitely makes for a solid Pinterest quote, but I believe there is more to the story. Relationships are way more than just vibing over your shared interests and not side-eyeing your significant other when they butter their toast wrong.

Those two things do help make a great relationship but without the third, the whole thing can fall apart, and here is why.

With the similarities: we all love that “click” moment in a relationship when we feel that our shared interests and values are forming that glue that is going to bond us forever and ever. You have found a safe space where you just get each other, and the love feels so natural it can’t possibly be any better.

Unfortunately, similarities alone won’t keep the spark alive forever.

With the (unavoidable) differences: this is where it can get tricky like when you are a morning person, and they are a night owl, or maybe they thrive on spontaneity, but you need a Google calendar invite for everything. The possibilities are, quite frankly, endless. However, note that respecting your differences doesn’t just mean tolerating them, it also means appreciating them.

Look at it this way: just as your quirks make you who you are, the same goes for them. And partners seeing each other accepting and learning to coexist with such differences helps make their connection stronger.

The missing piece

None of the above works without communication. Seriously, none of it. How can we appreciate our similarities if we don’t share them? How can we respect our differences if we don’t understand them? The answer is communication.

Communication has always been the not-so-secret ingredient that makes the whole relationship thing come together. It lets you voice your needs without having to play the “I’m fine” game (especially when we all know you are not). Neither can you resolve disagreements, and be heard, valued, and loved even when you don’t see eye to eye without it.

“Good communication is the bridge between confusion and clarity.” — Nat Turner

Real Talk:

No relationship is perfect. They all have their, sometimes, unique challenges, and the magic has never been in avoiding those challenges. So, as you acknowledge and appreciate all the little things you both love, and the ones that make you unique, and never stop talking (and listening). Just know that a great relationship is the one you show up every day, flaws and all, knowing, “You’ve got this!”

So, what do you think? Are you nailing all three, or is communication now your next level-up?

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***