A Healthy Relationship in 8 Words

Living on your own? Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. Living with someone? Drats, life just got a lot more complicated.

Relationship is undoubtedly difficult. Anyone who has ever been involved in a romantic relationship with another is well aware that when you look farther than what is obvious, there are also lots of struggles and hardships involved with having two beings living as one. This point especially stands out when conflicts rise to the surface due to unrestrained gratification of one’s own appetites, desires, or whims.

So, what are the building materials that go into a loving, healthy relationship? Below are eight of them, and failure to express devotion to them is why many relationships crumble. So, buckle up and focus.

1. Communication

This should go without saying, but in case it needs to be highlighted clearly: until we fully possess the ability to read and understand each other’s minds, we have to go with the next best alternative: relying on words to communicate with each other. This becomes complicated when people do not listen attentively to what the other is attempting to say. Although we are social creatures, we are impatient ones, too, unfortunately. Therefore, we are more likely to exhibit knee-jerk reactions based on our personal experiences and biases.

The defining ingredient that determines good communication is one’s relentless attempt to toss ego out of the window and listen actively as well as purposefully. In other words, paying as much attention to the other’s nonverbal communication cues — the way they listen, look, move — as to the verbal cues themselves. Lazy to exercise your tongue (talk)? Use your hands (write).

If both are equally challenging to you, do not hesitate to seek a therapist or other impartial intermediary who can assist you in overcoming them. There is nothing wrong with and embarrassing about seeking help from a professional. You seeking counsel from a therapist does not mean you are sick or ill. It means you are wise enough to know your limits and when to ask for help.

A lack of communication is one of the big reasons why most relationships are rendered asunder. Hence, sort your sh*t out and get your sh*t together.

2. Respect

Your significant other did not just magically appear in your life to make you feel less lonesome or your life more convenient. If they decide to stay with you, it is due to their compassion; they care about you and genuinely wants to know that you are okay. There is something unique enough about you for them to not look for another fish in the sea. Respect them, their personal space, and their possessions, and all should work out smoothly.

Here is another point worth taking home: if anyone ever talks dirty or gossip about them, you had better be the first to stand up and protect them, even (especially) if the individual making boastful or insulting remarks is a family member of yours. If you have decided that this person will be the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, then it is vital to reaffirm to them that you will support them, regardless of what the world throws at them.

3. Patience

To make a mistake is human, and we have made lots of mistakes in the past. We will continue to make mistakes as we grow older and experience new things. That is how we grow as flawed creatures.

Your partner is not perfect either, so the important takeaway here is to acknowledge that your partner is going to screw up occasionally. It may take them some time to thoroughly understand where your boundaries lie or your personality. Heck, they may even forget that you despise durians, but you know what? That is totally fine because you are equally likely to mess up too. You would prefer it if they were patient and understanding with you instead of letting your wild emotions do the talking.

Familiarising with each other in terms of character and outlook of the world requires patience. Since people are constantly growing — emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally — odds are, both of you have the chance to be patient with one another countless times over during the course of your partnership.

4. Appreciation

Does your partner look after your pet at home when you are required to travel overseas for work? Does your partner serve you a mouthwatering meal for dinner when you return home every evening? Does your other half fetch your kids to and from school without being asked to? Does your significant other cover you with a warm blanket when you fall asleep on the sofa?

Take note of their little gestures of affection, and the last thing you want to do is to take them for granted. They do those things because they love you very much. So, be mindful and grateful. It does not harm to thank them frequently, wholeheartedly, and make the routine of going far and wide to do kind things for them, in turn, a consistent habit in your lifestyle.

Do not be the silent half of a one-sided partnership.

5. Fun

Odds are that one of the reasons you were attracted to your other half is that you both are no strangers to having a good time together. However, this does not imply that you have to spend all your time binge-watching a Netflix television series or console gaming or whatever. Instead, there are certain routines or activities that you get hyped up about doing as one.

Keeping the fun energy going is one of the ideal ways to ensure your relationship continues to prosper, but that fun needs to consider both partners’ interests and preferences. It is not uncommon for one partner’s passion to take precedence over the other’s. The latter will just tag along casually to preserve the harmony, but that is nowhere near to a perfect dynamic.

I am pretty confident that there are plenty of interests that you and your partner have in common. However, if passions are not agreed upon, perhaps taking the middle ground would be the best play.

6. Courtesy

Do you remember how your significant other did not just magically appear in your life to make you feel less lonesome or your life more convenient? Never forget that. Plus, recognise that if you have gotten comfortable enough with them that you are living together blissfully, this does not give you the right to be an insensitive c*nt.

Do not shout at them by their names wherever they are in the house if you have to have something. Stretch your legs by walking over to where they are, and if you are not disturbing whatever it is they are in the midst of doing, only then ask about whatever it is you need. Shut the bathroom door when you are in there, do not leave your pair of dirty socks on the floor as soon as you enter the house, and always ask before using, selling or throwing away their possessions.

7. Loyalty

There are an infinite number of ways to have a thriving, healthy relationship, and an established couple would know best of the definition of loyalty. In relationships, loyalty is all about honesty, trust, and commitment. It means sticking with your partner through good times and bad times, even when this is easier said than done. Of course, there are certain caveats here; loyalty does not mean that you should accept abuse or mistreatment.

For one couple, loyalty may consist of a lifelong commitment that involves complete sexual monogamy and totally honest communication. That is somewhat different from the loyalty commonly found within a polyamorous tribe dynamic. At the end of the day, the most fundamental point is that all parties involved have transparent discussions about what loyalty means to them because every established couple would have their own definition of the term. Once the core parameters have been identified and put into effect, it is crucial that everyone obeys them strictly.
Trust takes years to build but seconds to be demolished. Worse yet, it may be almost impossible to restore. If you ever find yourself uncertain about whether you can keep your loyalty to the restrictions that were implemented, go back to the very first trait mentioned here: communication. Communicate with your partner and sincerely about what it is you are going through, even though it will be agonizing to do so.

Parameters do not have to be fixed eternally; they can be amended, or if there is a different root cause to whatever is preventing you from attaining happiness, that can be tackled too.

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The Most Important of All Traits: Love

This is saved for last, not because it is the least important. In fact, the opposite is true. Theoretically, given its placement in this story, it will make the most impact.

To love someone is to lower your guards and allow yourself to be vulnerable to them, and that can be scary. However, it is also well worth the risk when that love is returned in kind. Loving someone means even loving the mundanity of your day-to-day life together and building a real commitment to the other person.

You have the chance to develop a loving relationship with a person who will always stand beside you when you need them, celebrate with you, perhaps conquer the world with you.

Therefore, if you are fortunate enough to find someone who exhibits those qualities, do whatever it takes to celebrate it as frequently as humanly possible.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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