Ghosting is a painful modern-day trend in the world of dating. As dating apps have made it easy to meet and connect with people, it’s also made it even easier to disconnect from anyone, whenever and however we want.
Be it a job, family, or potential romantic partners, people ghost as long as it’s ghost-able.
Ghosting in practice isn’t new.
The act of cutting ties without notice isn’t something new to the human experience. But it was in early 2000 that it was coined Ghosting, as rising dating apps made it more prevalent.
In the course of writing this article, and making my research, I found when someone got ghosted, it was mostly by someone they met on the internet. That means you’re more likely to be ghosted by someone you met online than from the coffee shop.
The effect of ghosting can be painful.
Since there isn’t any notice, the ghosted individual tends to internalize the abruptly severed connection as faults of their own. It can raise insecurities as to whether you’re good enough. What could you have done wrong?
Getting answers to these questions can help provide a little bit of closure. Which, common with ghosting, is near impossible.
That’s why I’m here to help. Below is the result of a survey done by BuzzfeedNews, giving some common reasons why that person probably ghosted you.
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They weren’t into you.
Over 81% of people ghosted because they weren’t into the individual.
Though this is quite harsh, it does make a lot of sense, for the following reason. Usually, when people first meet, they simply test the water. They check each other out.
At this phase, you probably go for one or two dates; a coffee, or a stroll in the city. During this period, one might feel that the conversation is great and the other is fun, but they might be struggling with his/her physical look being good enough.
After a date or two, and even in the middle of an increasing back-and-forth texting, they might just decide to pull the plug.
For them, it’s easier that way, than confronting you and saying, “you’re cool but I like slim or tall girls.” Or, “ it was really nice, but the thing is, I thought you’d be more Macho.”
People don’t need too much to disqualify you. In these cases, it always has more to do with what’s going on in their own head and life than it is with you.
You did something they dislike.
Buzzfeed found that over 61% ghosted because of something the person did that they didn’t like.
Here is where being ghosted was down to you.
But it doesn’t necessarily mean you did something terrible. Always put in mind that everyone’s different. People differ in beliefs, religion, race, and culture.
So the fact that it’s possible you said or did something to turn them off, doesn’t mean it was bad.
It could simply be it was something they aren’t used to. Or something that wasn’t cool in their own head.
Regardless, if you were honest and being yourself from the beginning, then it might be a blessing in disguise. Cos we all want someone who’ll accept us for who we are. And not cherry-pick parts of us that are pleasant.
Bad emotional state.
When reading through the survey, I actually thought this should make the top list. But only 45% of people said they ghosted someone because they themselves were in a bad place emotionally.
Honestly, I find this to be reasonable.
There are times when people just got out of a relationship and need time to heal alone. While others might be going through some challenges in their work or other areas of life, and they’re not in the right frame emotionally to be entangled with someone new. It’s reasonable given the situation.
It doesn’t make it right though. It’s more mature to have a conversation with someone rather than simply ghosting.
They were afraid of you.
I cringed a little at this.
Did you show up to your date with a gun? Or had one eye covered like a pirate? I’m just joking.
But surprisingly more than 28% percent admitted to ghosting because they were genuinely afraid of the individual.
I understand that the fear might not be that dramatic. It could be they noticed some toxicity or behavior that they associated with unhealthy and decided to call it quits even before it starts.
They were angry at you.
Just over 26% percent of people ghosted because they got mad at you.
I think in a situation like this, such people usually come back. I see these tactics a lot. Where people go silent to teach you a lesson. Though it isn’t the most mature way to handle issues, they get their message across.
Sometimes you can’t help what upsets people. Especially when you just started dating. There’s not enough information between the two of you to go with. It’s expected that at the early stages of dating, couples steps on each other toes, thereby learning one another’s allergies.
But when someone ghosts you because you got them upset, it probably shows a lack of interest from the get-go. Or we could ask, what the heck did you do?
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There are a few more reasons why people ghosts. I’ll leave the rest below in a quick listicle. But I want to leave a word of advice if you’ve been ghosted before. Let it go. Don’t try to find out why. The whole act of ghosting is a sign of a lack of maturity. And that’s a huge red flag. So you just might have dodged a bullet there.
More reasons why people ghost!
- They got busy with life. Prioritize other areas of their life. A sign that they aren’t ready for such commitment.
- Juggling too many potential partners. It’s the norm nowadays. Most people seek the highest bidder. The cutest. The fittest. The richest.
- They couldn’t see a future. People are very intuitive about this. From the first date, people can already tell if you are the one.
- The easy way out without dealing with your reaction. Most people just don’t want to deal. They can’t sit with you and pretend to care. It’s easier to just ghost.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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