A Trip to the Museum of Broken Relationships

I was standing out on the balcony of the 23rd floor of my downtown apartment in my blue-collar steel factory town. The love of my life was inside clearing out all his furniture, the TV and every last record on his way out to the new love of his life. The one he’d been seeing for two months before leaving me. This was my first love, and we had been together for just about 10 years.

I was devastated, missed all the signs, and he took the TV to add insult to injury. How…was I ever to cope with this insurmountable pain without TV? The Internet…didn’t exist in those days.

Well, I went out and bought a new TV is what I did. Then drank too much wine with the best girlfriend ever, (she bought me a really big palm tree for my apartment) and this palm tree looked really nice next to my own brand-new TV.

In other words, I survived and thrived. Of course, it took a lot more than my new palm tree and TV. It took hard work, and work that I had to do for myself because in the long run those painful nights were still spent alone.

Validate the Heartbreak

Acceptance is the most important step to healing. The longer we hold onto an unrequited love with the hope of getting back together, the longer the pain will last. Healing needs to follow a certain path, and acceptance is the beginning. I’m also a strong believer in ripping off that band-aid. Giving yourself permission to grieve is necessary to proceed towards living the best life you can, which is entirely possible by the way. Just allow yourself acceptance of the breakup and grief.

Breakup Ritual and the Museum of Broken Relationships

When someone from our life dies, we have a funeral, memorial or celebration of life. This provides us with a sense of control over the situation and a means to say goodbye plus closure. Whenever I want to feel closer to my mother I will visit the waterfront and throw some lavender sprigs into the ocean. All of this helped me through the loss of my mother.

An article in Psychology Today written by Florence Williams talks of how she threw her wedding band into the river. She made a tiny boat out of lettuce leaves and sticks and placed the ring in the middle of the lettuce hull and sent it off down the Potomac River towards the Atlantic Ocean.

I think this is a great way to say goodbye to a relationship, it doesn’t need to be a ring; anything symbolic will work. Florence also mentions the Museum of Broken Relationships in Zagreb, Croatia.

Yes, this is a real place! You’ll find everything here from a Snoopy stuffy to a Starbucks cup to actual creepy sentimental keepsakes with all kinds of poignant and funny stories in between. Anyone can contribute to this museum with their own story and item from their relationship breakup.

Change your Routine

Change is so important when going through a recent breakup. We’ve been keeping a routine with our significant ex which can be such things as a date night on Saturdays, to eating pizza on the seawall on the third day of every month. This is the perfect time to change things up.

Instead of pizza on the third day of every month, try sushi on those days somewhere else. Get out on that third day, buy takeout sushi and take it to another seawall, or to the beach or a park. Take a book you want to read, take a favourite blanket and enjoy that sushi. It’s healthier than that stale pizza anyways.

Take a Free Online Course

I mention this often in my articles, and that’s because I absolutely love the idea of lifelong learning. There are so many courses on MOOC, massive open online courses to choose from, and they’re free. Reading and learning something new will keep your mind busy. You’ll create new neural pathways and feel rejuvenated in the process. What better way is there to transition to a new life than through self-improvement?

MOOC offers everything from psychology to graphic design and from computer programming to African studies, to learning Latin or Spanish to pop culture and even animation. Definitely worth a look, and did I mention it is free?

Eat Pray Love It

In the movie and book, Elizabeth Gilbert… or Julia Roberts mentally tells her ex-husband that he can still love her after she broke his heart. She told him he can send her ‘light and love’ every day.

I believe that even if a relationship ends on a bad note, we don’t need to hold that negativity within us. We can still send them ‘light and love’ from afar. Life doesn’t have to be black or white, there can be many shades of love and life.

Then most importantly, be sure to love yourself the most. Treat yourself well, wrap a blanket around your shoulders, curl up on the sofa, binge on Netflix, drink tea or hot chocolate, or read a book that will take you on a faraway adventure.

This is ‘you-time’, and this is the most important time for you. I can’t stress enough how important we all are, aside from and outside of our current or past relationships. We are our own entity, and the trees or nature outside is ours to enjoy, our dreams and future are ours and ours alone.

Become your own best friend.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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