When someone hand you a gift you generally feel pleasure and joy. We enter the world full of seeds that can be nurtured into qualities that help us enjoy our journey through life: kindness, generosity, tenacity, etc.
We develop values from our caregivers, and incidences from history and life. For example, you may value truth, trust, respect, pacifism, organic food, veganism, etc. These become part of our personhood.
Some values, when breached by another person can cause harm. Being insulted when you value respect is hard to deal with.
Life is no rose garden. Difficulties come our way whether we invite them or not. Even our family can present huge challenges.
Whether it is a selfish mother, illness, a failed relationship, or a bereavement, we should not put up resistance. If we do we will only know misery and be stuck in a life of problems.
Once we accept our circumstances, they become powerless over us. Then, and only then, can we change ourselves so that we are no prey to those problems and change habits or thoughts that are destructive.
Then we automatically gain resilience. Although our caregivers duty was to build resilience within us. There many wounded people walking around with gaps in their emotions due to poor parenting. They will be unable to think independently, accept everything they are told that fits their wounds, but reject truth when it is presented to them. For example, a young man I know started a business in gardening. He knows nothing about plants, so he mainly labors in hedge trimming, digging, and weeding (once he has had the weeds pointed out). The law says he must fulfill what he is contracted to do, even if it takes him longer than the time allotted and must make good any omission found after he has left. He prefers to ask his peers their opinion rather than look up the law on the internet.
Due to his false belief and ignorance of the law, he shouted his opinion at someone who had contracted him until she realised there was no point in pursuing the subject. She was visiting him and his partner and their eighteen month old daughter as they were friends. She had taken gifts for the baby. This poor woman left the room into the garden where the man’s partner had gone. The partner had left due to the shouting but had left the baby in room.
It was pointed out that when she needs to leave angry words, her small daughter also needs to leave. This came as a shock to that mother, but the someone shouted at has safeguarding duty. So putting the child first at all times was explained. Leaving, with a stipulation to have the mother stay in touch, that woman did not get home unassisted. The distress of being shouted at with hearsay in front of a baby was too much for this kind woman.
The man above is someone who has not accepted his past. He is full of anger and bursts out angrily anytime someone does not agree with him.
Acceptance may sound like defeat. If you think this then the defeat will lead you triumph in life.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: David Everett Strickler on Unsplash
