My oldest son is ten years old. If he doesn’t wear deodorant, he stinks.
I think that means it’s time to talk about puberty.
But I don’t want to.
Talking about puberty will eventually lead to the dreaded “sex-talk.” And I just don’t think I’m ready for that.
My parents never really had the “birds & bees” talk with me. I remember being 10 years old or so, and our family cat went into heat. She was walking around all weird and making weird noises. I remember asking what was wrong with her and my parents just started stumbling over words. “She’s in heat.” “She’s lonely and wants a husband.” “She’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” I actually thought she was about to have kittens. I made her a little bed and tried to get her to lie down.
It was a good opportunity for my folks to have the discussion. But they let it pass.
Sometime around my 6th grade year, I remember my dad and I were out in the boat, fishing. I’m guessing my mom had told him that, “Today is the day to have the talk…” Funny thing was, by that time, I had already gotten all the information I needed from health class and my friends. Read: I had no idea what it was all about, but I THOUGHT I did.
Dad seemed distant. We were just sitting there, in our little boat, anchored off the jetties, with lines in the water. He finally said, “Son, we need to have a talk about sex.” I said, “Sure, Dad. What do you want to know?” He looked at me with his mouth agape. I don’t remember exactly what he said, but it was something along the lines of, “good talk, son.” That was all of the sex education I got from my parents.
He finally said, “Son, we need to have a talk about sex.” I said, “Sure, Dad. What do you want to know?”
It‘s probably because I grew up in an ultra-conservative, super-religious home and that my parents were ashamed to discuss sex with me because it wasn’t appropriate or that maybe God forbade it or something. That’s what I’m going to blame my own hesitation on.
But here’s the kicker. Here’s why I need to get my act together.
Kids have access to so much more information these days than I did. Oh sure. There was always the street-wise kid in the neighborhood who had found his dad’s stash of nudie mags. But the internet makes everything one wrong click away from a sex education that you do NOT want your kids to receive. I need to make sure that I am the source. Not Porn Hub.
Photo created by master1305 — www.freepik.com
I have to start the puberty conversation now and I need to be open and honest. I don’t want him to be surprised by the things that are happening to him or the new feelings that he is having. I also want him to know that there is no shame in talking about these things and that I should be his first resource for questions.
So here are the take aways for those who are reading this, hoping that I will make it easier for them to have this conversation with their kids…
Parents are the best teachers for this.
There is A LOT of bad info out there. Be the one to provide good info.
Use the resources at your disposal.
My wife got a good book for me to use to open the discussion. It’s called Just the Facts: A Guy’s Guide to Growing Up. It’s in line with our thought process and is age appropriate.
It might be uncomfortable. That’s ok.
It may start awkwardly, but it will get better the more you talk through it.
Prepare them for what’s to come.
There are physical, mental and emotional changes associated with puberty. Provide good info so they know what to expect.
It’s an ongoing conversation.
Remember that this isn’t going to be a one and done talk. Prepare for more in depth conversations once they’ve had some time to process the new information.
It’s ok to not know all of the answers.
Kids are naturally inquisitive. If you don’t have an immediate answer to their questions, do your best. Let them know you’ll have to look into it further. Then follow up.
My wife proof-reads for me. She is going to read this and probably ignore any typos and just ask, “So when are you going to have the talk?”
Looks like, tonight, I’m going to curl up and read a good book (called “Just the Facts”) so that maybe this weekend I will have the guts to have “the talk.”
I’ll follow up on the flip-side…
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This post was previously published on A Parent Is Born and is republished here with permission from the author.
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Photo credit: Freepic
