Lately, I find myself lost in daydreams. Daydreams of dates had in the past and hoped for in the future. They are not daydreams of glamour. They do not include yachts or even planes.
They are daydreams of an average day before Corona hit. Before Stay-at-home orders and everything became closed. They are daydreams of what I miss doing with those I love and what I hope to be doing again shortly.
I daydream about a day bee bopping around town with my mom. Grabbing a latte and pastry at our neighborhood coffee shop. Going to T.J. Maxx and browsing isle by isle knowing we will be there a while. Buying things not of necessity, but pleasure. Three fake plants, some new bedding, and a designer top on sale.
I daydream about having a beach day with my girlfriends. Starting with mimosa’s and brunch, of course. Heading down to the body filled beach and gossiping about only things light like boys, vacations, and plans. Sunscreen, music, and laughter are all we need. Once 3pm hits, we are sun-kissed and boozy, ready to hit the couch and watch reality tv.
I daydream of going on a date with my boyfriend. Getting all dressed up and feeling pretty. Looking at him and being so excited that I get to publically show him off. Taking an Uber downtown, to a busy and bustling restaurant where every table is full. Candles are lit, wine is ordered, and the food comes out hot. At the end of the night we decide to hop to a bar for one more drink. Why not? We are young and free.
I daydream of a spa day for myself. Taking an early morning yoga class at my favorite local studio. Heading to a spa and getting a mani-pedi done because lord knows I can’t do them myself. Receiving a facial and massage while relaxing fully in the care of someone else’s hands. Coming home and melting into my bed, actually yearning for it, because I have had the time and space for it to be missed.
I daydream of all the dates that feel so far in the past. I daydream of the days I did not realize were our last. I daydream of the day we can do them again, feeling warm, familiar, and carefree.
But amid all these daydreams, I also feel fear. Fear that these daydreams are only memories. Concerns that when these days come, they will feel different and foreign. Filled with 6 ft markings and face-masks. Some parts may even be gone.
Like the neighborhood coffee shop, will it be here when this is over? Will we be able to roam in stores isle by isle, passing idle time? Will restaurants be full of strangers? Yoga classes in person? And will conversations ever get back to just boys, vacations, and future plans?
It all is remarkably uncertain, so that is why, for now, I won’t let the fears overcome me. I won’t let them take my simple daydreams and turn them into nightmares.
Because right now, daydreams are all we have.
So for today, and tomorrow, and the days after that… I will be daydreaming of one more day bee bopping with my mother, a beach day with friends, a date night with my boyfriend, and spa day out dedicated to me.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.
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Photo credit: Pexels