Working Solo
In this four part series, Good Men Project columnist, Taylor García explores the male loneliness epidemic, and how we might make better connections with ourselves, and others
2023 marked a milestone in my professional “day-job” life: 20 years in the same industry and more-or-less the same job function. In today’s economy and job market, it’s more common that people switch careers and industries every five to seven years. True, I’ve moved companies, but I’ve stayed in a rather niche space of healthcare for the bulk of my working years, and it’s been beneficial for a number of reasons.
It’s also been somewhat of a detriment, because I have, as the business metaphor goes, stayed a “skinny tree.” I haven’t “branched out” so-to-speak, and it’s resulted in getting passed over for multiple opportunities over the years. But I’m not angry or disappointed about this. As I mentioned at the start of this article, it’s a day job. I’ve always viewed my paycheck-earning work as a means to subsidize my passion and true talent of writing.
But I would be remiss to say that I haven’t poured my heart and soul into the current industry and community in which I earn my living. I credit the past three companies, managers, trainers, coworkers, and customers for helping me earn what I call a passive MBA.
It’s too late now to rewind the tape. I’m a pharmaceutical salesman and that’s that. I have a corporate credit card and my preferred hotel chains and airline clubs. I relish in those three days/two nights in Palm Springs for sales hoorahs, plus, I’ve been known to compete hard for those infernal President’s Club trophies, even though I whisper to my coworkers that I don’t work for trophies.
The past twenty years have been good for me. I’ve been quite lucky given the economy and the topsy-turvy job market. But I’ve also grown incredibly bored, and as a result, lonely. For me, the loneliness stems from being a niche subject matter expert in a corporate culture that doesn’t really value that anymore. I’ve inadvertently become the wise sage from whom most people have already sought their advice.
I believe we’re all given a good 20-year run at anything: hobbies, careers, relationships, passions, after which we must innovate, change, and grow. If we don’t, we get caught in our own traps. Call it complacency, comfort, laziness, whatever it is, it isn’t helpful for the soul, and it only adds to the loneliness.
And so, I am teaching myself the art of being uncomfortable at this juncture of my professional life. That means starting from zero on new things, challenging myself in new ways with personal finances, business ideas, and my creative work. I’m pulling new kinds of people into my circle so that I may learn something new from them. I’m also practicing a new kind of vulnerability in which I am stating my need for change and challenge, minus the self-deprecation.
I’m also remembering the importance of connection, and the notion that every connection matters. Big or small, every person we meet is important because they have the ability to both guide our journey and provide the human spark we need most of all. When we open ourselves up to advice, counsel, and coaching, they are forms of human love that fill more gaps than we know.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock