Am I Crazy or Are You Gaslighting Me?

Ever had a moment when you’re pouring your heart out, and the response is a cold, “You’re overreacting”? Yeah, that’s what we call gaslighting, and it’s as toxic as it gets.

Picture this: you’re telling your partner — your husband, in my case — how hurt you feel about something. Instead of a validating, “I get it, let’s talk,” you get, “You’re too sensitive,” or worse, “That didn’t even happen the way you think.”

Cue the emotional shutdown.

Gaslighting is not just some trendy term; it’s an insidious form of psychological manipulation that makes you question your reality. The term originated from a 1938 play, Gas Light, where a husband tries to convince his wife that she’s losing her mind by dimming the gas lamps in their home and denying that the lights are flickering.

Fast forward, and now the term perfectly describes how someone in a relationship or friendship can distort the truth to make you feel like the problem.

And let me tell you — it is a problem. When your emotions are constantly invalidated, you start to internalize the idea that maybe you are the problem. Your confidence erodes, trust crumbles, and before you know it, you’re walking on eggshells, terrified to bring up even the smallest concern. It’s an emotional prison disguised as a conversation.

But gaslighting doesn’t just happen in romantic relationships. Friendships, family, even work relationships — no one’s immune. The moment you say, “I feel…” and the response is some version of, “You’re imagining things,” you’re being gaslighted.

The worst part?

When you try to point it out, it’s like explaining quantum physics to a brick wall. The person on the other end genuinely doesn’t understand — or refuses to.

Therapy speak is another layer of complexity in all this.

Have you ever had someone respond to your pain with a cookie-cutter, textbook phrase that’s supposed to “heal” the moment but instead feels like an emotional slap? “I understand you feel that way, but…” — cue eye roll. It can be infuriating when two people aren’t on the same page. One is expressing raw, human emotion, and the other is regurgitating phrases they saw on Instagram or heard in a TikTok video. It feels mechanical, cold, and can often escalate the problem.

But — and this is a big but — when two people are actually on the same page, that same therapy speak can be powerful. When both parties genuinely want to heal, phrases like “I hear you” or “Let’s process this together” can be grounding. It’s all about the intent behind the words. When there’s emotional investment and understanding, even the most therapist-y phrases can turn a heated argument into a moment of growth.

The key here is balance.

Gaslighting — intentional or not — poisons relationships.

Therapy speak, when used mindlessly, can feel dismissive and robotic. But when both partners or friends choose to engage with empathy, a once-toxic situation can become an opportunity for healing.

So, the next time you feel like you’re being emotionally manipulated or hit with therapy jargon, ask yourself — are we really communicating, or are we just exchanging words? Because at the end of the day, it’s not just about being heard; it’s about being understood.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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