
Dear world,
When did we decide that inconsistency is attractive?
When did replying late become a personality,
and disappearing become a form of power?
Somewhere along the way,
we started calling distance “self-respect,”
silence “boundaries,”
and inconsistency… normal.
And I don’t understand it.
Because I grew up believing
that if someone matters,
you show up.
Not once.
Not when it’s convenient.
But again and again
in small, ordinary ways.
A text.
A call.
A “did you eat?”
A “reach home safe.”
That was love.
That was care.
But now?
Now people don’t reply for hours
and call it “being busy.”
They vanish for days
and expect things to stay the same.
They stop trying
and call it “protecting their energy.”
And the saddest part is
we’ve all started accepting it.
We tell ourselves,
“Don’t double text.”
“Don’t look desperate.”
“Match their energy.”
So we wait.
We hold back.
We pretend we don’t care as much as we do.
And slowly,
everything becomes a game of who cares less.
Friendships start to feel distant.
Relationships feel unsure.
People start feeling replaceable.
Because no one is choosing consistency anymore.
And yet,
consistency is the only thing
hat has ever made love feel safe.
Not the big gestures.
Not the occasional effort.
But the quiet, repeated presence.
The person who texts you every day
not out of obligation,
but because you cross their mind.
The friend who checks in
even when nothing is wrong.
The one who notices
when your energy changes
before you even say a word.
That’s what stays.
That’s what builds something real.
But today,
being consistent is almost… uncool.
It’s seen as too available,
too predictable,
too easy.
And inconsistency?
It’s mistaken for mystery.
But let me say this clearly
There is nothing attractive
about making someone question
where they stand in your life.
There is nothing powerful
about ignoring people who care about you.
And there is nothing “cool”
about being someone
others cannot rely on.
Because at the end of the day,
people don’t stay for confusion.
They stay for comfort.
For stability.
For presence.
For someone who shows up
even when life gets messy,
even when it’s not convenient,
even when it’s not exciting anymore.
So maybe we need to unlearn this.
Maybe we need to stop glorifying absence
and start valuing effort again.
Maybe we need to understand
that consistency is not boring.
It is rare.
It is grounding.
It is love
in its most honest form.
And if that’s not “cool” anymore,
then maybe the world has forgotten
what love was supposed to feel like.
Sincerely,
someone who still believes that showing up matters.
—
This post was previously published on Madhuchhanda Priyadarshini’s blog.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
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The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: iStock
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism
Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box
The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer

