Anyone Made Peace With Their Dead Bedroom?

“Anyone made peace with their dead bedroom and prepared to endure it for the rest of their days?”

Wrote this redditor on r/deadbedrooms. “I’m 49 and I’m about to give up looking for ‘the one’ and stay in this sexless platonic relationship for the sake of my 12 year old kid.”

“Anyone else giving up?”

276 comments on this post. It’s unbelievable.

“We have been married over 30 years and have had a DB for nearly 12 years. I’m never going to leave her. I’m trying to come to terms with the resentment and rejection and move on. We’ve tried multiple times and nothing has worked. Now I feel I’m at the point where it’s pointless trying, just have to come to terms with it and make my peace somehow.”

Come to terms? Make my peace? UGH. How? No sex ever?

I’ve tried doing that and it just made me more upset thinking I’d never have sex again for as long as I lived.

“I did. My spouse is a good partner — apart from the physical aspect — an excellent parent, and I respect who she is as a person. We no longer fight about it, we sleep separately, and life is mostly fine. I think the disruption caused by separating would outweigh the benefits, especially now that I’m older and ready to let go of sex.”

I can’t fathom why I let myself suffer for almost five years in a completely sexless state. What was I proving? How miserable I could be?

“I miss sex. I miss connecting with someone on a physical and an emotional level. And, I’m sad that I will likely not experience that again. Physically, I could cheat, but I don’t know that at this point it is the sensations that I miss. What I miss is having sex with a partner I love, and that love me back. Hard to replace with a one night stand or a friends with benefits.”

Feel ya, bud on that count. Sometimes, you don’t want to be reminded of everything that’s lacking in your life.

“Facing and accepting the fact that in all probability, I will never make love again has been one of the hardest things I have ever faced. I have so much passion left to give. However, I am getting old. I am well past my sell by date.

Who would want me? I keep in shape and don’t look awful for being as old as I am, but seriously, I choose to stay. I must make peace with that, and scrape as much happiness out of life as I can. It’s mostly okay. Mostly.”

That could have been me writing before I started cheating. I didn’t think anyone would want me. I didn’t feel desirable. I figured I’d be sad and neglected forever.

“God, this is me, too. I sometimes rail against it in my head and have the fantasy that there IS somebody out there for me that will want intimacy and sex, but then sometimes I just feel so dead inside and why try?”

There is someone for you!

Takeaway:

Go on Ashley Madison, Tinder, NaughtyfromNeglect, OkCupid, Adult Friend Finder, and a million more shady spots on the internet. What I’ve learned from affairing is that there are a TON of people in this same predicament. So many men and women stuck in sexless unions because of obligation and duty and money.

The last comment on the post made me smile.

“Have an affair. It’ll make your family life waaaay more bearable.”

That’s the ticket.

No more suffering in a dead bedroom. I’m making peace with a lover.

If you approve my heathen content, follow me on The Medium and read all my 400 plus articles on adultery, dead bedrooms, cheating and porn! It’s more fun than celibacy, I promise! https://monalisasmiled.medium.com/subscribe

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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Photo credit: Candice Seplow on Unsplash