Are dirty cheaters chasing the fantasy? HELL YES.
So many of us are.
Would we find something “real” with an adulterer?
I would say that’s quite hard to find.
We’ll never get back that puff of magic NRE (new relationship energy) with our spouses. NEVER. It’s gone. Died long ago on the altar of marriage. Now it’s sitting in separate rooms texting instead of heart to hearts in bed gazing into each others eyes.
Time passes. You don’t touch each other anymore.
You possibly don’t even see your partner. I mean really see them. Like look at them when they are undressing or taking a shower or drinking coffee. They become part of the furniture.
I’ve written that I am about as noticeable as the sofa at home. I’m there and comfortable and that’s about it.
Yet, we long for more from our lovers.
They are magical! They are mesmerizing! They are alluring and unique! No one else compares! We put them on pedestals of our own making.
“I feel beautiful with you!”
“I haven’t felt like this in such a long time.”
“I love how I feel so desirable now.”
The expectation that a new relationship will be spared the inevitable carnage is unrealistic. It’s pulling aside the curtain and seeing the fat old wizard pulling the levers at Oz.
Our affair partners are always on their best behavior. Away from family and job stressors. Or unruly kids. Tough family members. Money problems. All the issues in our everyday lives.
When you live with someone, you are exposed to their true nature. And they are exposed to yours. The endearing qualities begin to disappear and annoyance rears its ugly head. What started as a minor pet peeve or “quirk” now irritates you to the point of loathing.
“Did he always do that?”
“Has she been like that all along?”
Your rosy mirrored shades come off.
Keeping that facade in place is impossible long-term.
The unavoidable reality is staring us in the face. Our affairs become like marriages. The cycle continues. We worry we’ll get stuck in another failed relationship.
I know I do.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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