During hard financial times Keola wonders if his children are losing their childhood.
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When you’re in Kindergarten life is simple. School is fun and you don’t have to deal with any social drama. You’re not worried about the financial future of the country, gun control or terrorism. All my kids are worried about is whether or not they can watch their favorite cartoon show and eat ice cream.
Your child’s world view is influenced by their intellectual understanding and life experiences. For instance, my five year old daughter has grown up with a generally happy childhood. My wife and I keep our disagreements civil. She has never witnessed her father sell her toys for money. There was never a time she was asked to con her grandparents into giving her money so that her parents could use it for their expenses. These are the memories I have about my childhood and when I share them with her she is shocked by them and once gave me a hug because she felt bad for me.
I’ve tried my best to give my children a childhood that I never had. I don’t want them to grow up too fast and I definitely hope they’re able to see the world with rose colored glasses. I want them to believe that anything is possible and that they have the power to pursue their passions. Sadly life happens and like many parents we do our best to buffer our children from the knowledge that something is wrong.
I may not be able to provide my kids with all the material things the world has to offer but the one thing I can provide is love and luckily that doesn’t cost a dime.
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My family and I are currently doing our best to make ends meet as entrepreneurs. We’ve recently started to make a go at a family business and though it hasn’t been easy we’ve been able to hustle enough money to pay our bills. I may not be able to provide my kids with all the material things the world has to offer but the one thing I can provide is love, and luckily that doesn’t cost a dime.
Even with everything I’ve just said I still worry about my children’s childhood. Are they really OK? Am I killing their childhood? These questions has caused me to reflect on my upbringing and wonder when or if my childhood ever died.
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After stretching out I toss the baseball around with my teammate. It was a beautiful afternoon and a good time for baseball practice. I’m laughing and throwing the ball around like a kid who doesn’t really care about the game but is happy to be outside the house. The ball park was always a place of solace for me. It was a time I could be away from family drama. I was able to put my troubles in the background as I focused on the game.
Not too long after practice started I’m shocked to see my parents drive up to the field. What really surprised me was that our tiny car was filled with stuff that looked like clothes. I wasn’t sure what was happening but I knew it wasn’t good when my mother stormed out of the car and approached my coach. She seemed to be distressed and the look of concern on my coaches face signaled I was in trouble.
If you could hear a heart break you would have heard it on that day as I wished for death.
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After a quick discussion my coach approaches me with reluctance and pulls me aside. He takes me by the shoulder and tells me that I had to go with my mother. His nonverbal communication told me he wanted to do something but he didn’t know what to do. Before another word could come out of his mouth my mother grabbed me by the arm and told me I needed to come with her immediately.
I squirmed under her control and asked why I had to go. I wanted to practice with my team. We had a game coming up. She wasn’t in the mood for back talk and told me that I shouldn’t worry about the team because I wasn’t going to be playing with them anymore. If you could hear a heart break you would have heard it on that day as I wished for death. I looked back at my teammates and started crying.
My mom ordered me to stop as we approached the car, “You don’t want your dad to see you crying.”
She was right and I summed up whatever strength I had to bottle my emotions up. As we drove off I stared out the window wishing I had a different life as my parents fought over where we were going to sleep that night.
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Did my childhood die on that day and if it did how did it feel?
Childhood
Eyes tighten
Heart broken
Breathe holding
Hand sweating
Brain working
Body trembling
Memory burning
Words cursing
Family fighting
Prayer flying
Childhood dying
This is a poem written while recalling my feelings from childhood. It was written when I was in the midst of a depressive episode. Looking back at it now it highlights the physical effect family fights can have on children. Whether it is physical or just verbal both can cause damage emotionally especially when altercations are frequent, intense and never resolved.
Based on the poem it is obvious that at one time in my life I believed my childhood was dying. The question is, did it die?
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When something dies it’s final unless you believe in the afterlife. Based on this definition my childhood though beat to a pulp never died. Instead it strengthened me and gave me perspective on what it meant to be a good father. I use my scars as a reminder of the affect our decision as parents have on our children, which is what makes me cautious as a parent and sorrowful when I’ve created a negative moment in my children’s life.
It’s important for our children to understand that they’ll experience bitterness in life and because of that they need to learn how to deal with it in a constructive manner.
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This doesn’t mean we should give our children everything they want and shield them from every negative experience in their life. That in my opinion could be just as damaging as my childhood because it’s not rooted in reality. It’s important for our children to understand that they’ll experience bitterness in life and because of that they need to learn how to deal with it in a constructive manner. That is our job as parents.
If I’m honest my childhood never died because along with the bitter came the sweetness of life. I had great memories as a kid. Winning a baseball game with a home run. Sleeping over a friends house as we played video games all night long. Sneaking into a rated “R” movie as a teenager. These and many other memories remind me that life is filled with variety. Life has been tough at times but it has has also been good and that’s a great lesson we can teach our children.
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My parents aren’t the norm so I think many of you out there are probably doing a great job. However, I think it’s important to ask questions and reflect on how we are doing as parents so I encourage you to take look at your children and ask yourself it they’re happy. If they aren’t, why not? Do you know why?
You are human and thus as a parent you will make mistakes that may scar your kids but that doesn’t mean you’ve ruined their childhood.
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If your children aren’t happy it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent but it does mean you need to be thoughtful of their issues. You are human and thus as a parent you will make mistakes that may scar your kids but that doesn’t mean you’ve ruined their childhood. It just means you need to bring variety into their life. Add to their happy memories by interacting with them and learning what brings them joy.
If you think you’re killing your child’s childhood I encourage you to make a change with your children. Have a serious conversation with them about their life and make sure you go in with a open heart. By doing this you’ll teach them that you not only care but that change is possible. If you can change then they can change. So don’t beat yourself up and remember you or their childhood isn’t dead yet.
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Photo: Flickr/Kelly Short