Are You Moving Too Fast in Love?

Love, indeed, is the most beautiful feeling in the world, but only if done right. It can be disastrous too. Make sure you are not progressing too fast by checking for these signs:

Either of you feels the need to slow down

Dating is fun, but it can also be confusing. You feel a rush of feelings after coming across someone you like. So, as common sense would go, you begin to put in the effort

You text them good morning and good night
You want to spend entire days with them
You free up time from your schedule even if they are not doing the same for you

All of this can create a situation where you are moving too fast too soon.

Moving too soon is not about the time you take to open up, it is about the balance of investment from both sides.

If your efforts are not matched, you are moving too soon.

If the other person communicates that they need some space, do not take it as a sign of them running away or not being interested in you. Understand that long-term, healthy relationships offer both partners space to breathe and have a life outside of the relationship.

It is okay to invest a little extra every now and then (for example you start texting them goodnight before you sleep) but if it is not matched, step back.

And if you are feeling suffocated or uncomfortable, communicate. Let the other person know that you are interested in them (if you are ) but would like to take things slow. If they get insecure and try to over-convince you, it’s better to walk away.

It is okay to be on different pages initially but there must be a possibility of both coming to the same page after healthy communication.

Love takes time, and it should. What you feel at the beginning of a relationship does not guarantee your success as a partner during rough times. And once you have successfully endured difficult phases of a relationship, then only can it be termed, love.

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They seem perfect to you

You have just started speaking to the other person, they share your interests, you watch the same things, and you both love kids! What’s more? You have found your soulmate and the search is over. (Don’t be stupid!)

No matter how perfect a person might seem, the two of you come together with your various habits, personalities, and beliefs. Time will unfold different interests and values, and the test is to assess how well you adjust to those differences. Conflict and differences are inevitable in any relationship and your goal must to be find a template to deal with them in a healthy manner.

Let time be a testament to your compatibility, not your observations at the beginning of the relationship. Your initial judgment about the other person may be right but the test of time is a mandatory requirement before progressing in a relationship.

My rule: Date for at least 6 months before committing to someone.

Ignoring Future Goals

It hurts when you have to end a long-term relationship because you cannot imagine a future together.

Before committing to someone, you must have conversations about your future goals. They want kids, you do not; they want to travel the world, and you want to live a stable life in the countryside, etc.

Areas in a Couple’s Life That Cause the Most Struggle

All of these differences in how you both envision your lives can be a dealbreaker in your future relationship. Therefore, it is vital to ensure your personal goals align with your relationship goals. None of the partners should feel the need to sacrifice their dreams to be together.

Your personal life has started to suffer

It is okay to feel butterflies in your stomach after meeting someone. You keep thinking about them but if this continues for more than 6 months at the expense of your personal life, you need to take a step back.

Even if you both feel comfortable with progressing in the relationship, you need to ensure that the pace of your interactions is leaving time for other domains of your life.

Long-lasting love is built when two individuals with independent lives decide to come together and share a part of themselves with each other.

Sustainability demands a solid foundation of individual independence.

QUICK POINTS:

If you feel emotions for the other person and the other person feels the same, it is okay to kiss or maybe sleep on the first date. Do not judge the intensity with the duration, evaluate it with the balance of investment from both sides.
Even if someone seems perfect, do not commit before you have spent considerable time with them (my rule is 6 months at least). You can hang out, chill together, and go on dates while making it clear that you guys are still getting to know each other. The extent of physical and emotional engagement depends on your level of comfort. However, commitment must come after a test of time.
Do not ignore the part about future goals. It is important. To learn more about the areas you must have a conversation about, refer here: Areas in a Couple’s Life That Cause the Most Struggle
Your romantic relationship must only be a part of your life and not your entire life. If the latter is happening, you are doing it wrong. Your work, health, friends, family, and solitude deserve equal importance.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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