Are You Secure Enough To Start a New Relationship?

Many want to jump into a new relationship but don’t take the time to reflect if they’re truly ready or not.

Are you one of them? If yes, it’s the perfect time to read this article as you’ll learn how being secure emotionally and mentally help you avoid another heartbreak.

I wish I had known this earlier. Instead, I started the relationship blindly, just like most people did, with little awareness of how ready I actually was. People who don’t want to ignore this step and use the “no one is ready” excuse.

Actually, no — being ready and knowing you can let somebody else in enter your life and devoting your time and energy to them is a big deal. Without it, your relationship will be just another failed one you had in the past.

With that being said, here’re the signs of someone who’s secure enough to start a new relationship with someone, be it from online dating or in real life.

You don’t put your happiness in your partner’s hand.

When you’re secure enough with everything you have in your life, you no longer seek happiness from the outside (even if that’s from your new relationship). It sounds cliche but true.

When you put your happiness in someone else’s hand, not only it’ll put you in a powerless situation but also you’ll feel trapped in this bubble of uncertainty.

Sure it’s tempting to think your partner can make you happy all the time, but you also need to remember that it’s still your responsibility to make sure you’re satisfied with your life.

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You don’t have unrealistic expectations in the relationship.

Something that I adore from more emotionally secure people is that they no longer expect their partner to be like this or like that. They also don’t think being in a relationship can turn their life 100%. At the end of the day, they’re still the same person inside.

If you’re unhappy with your life right now, being in a relationship won’t make that feeling go away. Sure it gives you butterflies during the honeymoon phase, but when it fades away after six months or so, you’ll realize that the old life problems you had before are still there.

That’s why secure people have very few expectations when it comes to their romantic relationships. They know it’s there to make them share life moments with somebody, but that doesn’t mean it makes their lives easier.

You no longer have the need to change your partner.

It’s impossible to get someone who’s flawless. No matter how far you go to find love, you won’t find someone like that. If you have that list with lots of boxes you need to tick, I highly recommend staying flexible with it and not forcing something just for the sake of matching your standards.

Someone who’s secure enough to be in a relationship doesn’t have the need to change their partner. They just accept it as it is. However, they took the time to consider whether it was worth sticking around or not in the beginning.

So know your tolerance limits before you start dating this new person, and make sure you know what you sign up for so you don’t blame them for their flaws.

You don’t use protest behavior to solve your relationship problems.

People with an anxious attachment style specifically like to use protest behavior during a disagreement with their partner. But secure people, on the other hand, try to avoid it.

Using protest behavior isn’t the best way to deal with relationship conflicts. And it’s important for you to be aware of this fact before you start getting into a new relationship.

Protest behaviors such as; silent treatment, passive-aggressive, throwing hints and etc., can end up ruining the relationship. Instead, try to apply effective communication where you sit down and express your feelings without blaming your partner.

Overall, secure people know how to not let their ego gets in the way. They know no one wins if they use protest behavior instead of applying effective communication during a fight.

You still proactively take the time to be alone.

The last sign someone is secure enough to be in a relationship is that they still take breaks and prioritize self-care. Just because you’re committed to someone doesn’t mean you should devote all your time to him/her.

It’s crucial to have this sacred time just to spend with yourself. When you’re secure, you wouldn’t have a problem with spending time alone, even though everyone around you sees it as something weird.

On the other side, you can understand your partner need’s better. You know as much as you love each other, there should be more things in life than your relationship.

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The Bottom Line

So are you secure enough to start a new relationship?

If you tick all of those 5 points, then you’re good to go. If not, then it’s a reminder to work on yourself first. You certainly don’t want to go back into the cycle of dating-breakup-dating-breakup.

It’s mentally draining, and let me tell you that you deserve a good stable, long-lasting relationship if you’re willing to put your best to work on yourself. When that’s done, nothing can ever stop you.

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I write about all things that you might struggle with within your love life. My main goal is to make you feel less alone on your journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here, or you can buy me a coffee here 🙂

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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