The first time I was struck by the question, “Why do pretty women like dating losers,” I got defensive.
“No, we don’t,” I said stuttering.
On second thought, my brain recollected that I have been in relationships with losers in the past. I couldn’t deny it. Pretty girls often attract that lot and it’s a shame.
It is a shame in the sense that you would think we ought to know one experience with a loser means we know them all, but no. We repeat the same pattern of choice in subsequent relationships.
My relationships with losers had a familiar pattern and yet, I would fall them over and over again. I think it was after I started dating older men, that I stopped paying attention to those kinds of men.
I mean it’s hard to resist a good-looking guy, but if he has nothing in his brain, that’s a big “F”.
I won’t lie good looks still get me one foot in, but if within 30 minutes of our conversation, I spot two loser red flags, boy, that foot in will hit the door quicker than my second foot.
Speaking of losers, I mean someone who treats people like trash. They have bad manners, have no purpose in life, and they are comfortable being freeloaders.
I don’t see myself dating a guy who has no vision in life ever again. Those relationships are chaotic, depressing and an utter wait of time.
Just like how pop rapper Nikki Minaj’s reputation gets dragged into the mud by her husband, Kenneth Petty, a sex offender. The couple started dating when they were teenagers. They broke it off and reconnected twenty years later before they got married.
When you speak of attractive women settling for losses Nikki and Card B aren’t far from that list. These women keep making headlines thanks to the embarrassing stories of their husbands.
You might think with their money, beauty and power, they would know how to pick responsible men, but no. These women are sole breadwinners while their husbands are lazy stay-at-home dads who are head-bent on ruining their source of income.
They have everything going for them, and shouldn’t have a hard time finding decent men, yet, they choose to stay with men who cheat, humiliate and abuse them.
However, before we outrightly condemn Nikki and Cardi B’s husbands, let’s not forget that these women are messed up too.
Cardi B publicly declared herself mentally unstable when she released a statement saying “I’m just a crazy bitch.” And Nikki is no different.
She shares her crazy sides unapologetically in her songs and IG page.
But Why Do Pretty Women Lower Their Standards for Losers?
I have tried to wrap my head around this sort of relationship dynamic and after some research and studying friends in this sort of relationship, I’ve identified five habits that attract beautiful women to losers.
It might shock you to believe that we attract who we are. So if you see an attractive woman with a man below her standards, it’s possible she too has low standards on the inside.
The ‘Self-Attract’ Bimbo
The simple truth is that losers attract losers. And if the law of magnetic force is correct, then it’s no wonder attractive women are drawn to losers. Because we attract who we are and not what we want or need, this explains why attractive women are drawn to men who represent who they are on the inside.
So if these fine polished and elegant women are settling for men who disrespect them and treat them like trash, then they are disrespectful and trash too.
I once had a friend who would take any chance she got to throw sheds at me whenever my boyfriend stood me up on a date. “Oh, he’s so irresponsible,” she would say. “I can’t believe you are still talking to that guy when he has refused to introduce you to his parents,” “What do you mean he’s too busy to return your calls?” You get the picture.
Normally I would ignore her rants, but that didn’t keep her from badmouthing my choices. I was in a loop of dating lousy men who contributed the bare minimum. I let them get away with disrespecting me. I had low self-confidence at that time. So if a cute guy chose me as his girlfriend, boy, I would be taking bullshit right and left.
And so did this girlfriend of mine. While she was busy robbing my fuck ups in my face and painting her boyfriend greens and blues, I later found out she was the laundry bag in the relationship.
At least, I went for rich fine dudes even though some of them were too stingy to spend a dime on me, hers were ghetto-ish guys with no morals. I also found out that all her baby daddies were deadbroke and she was their scrubs. You can imagine my disappointment.
After my discovery, I stopped being friends with her, and I cut all ties. She had too many f*ck girl red flags that didn’t match my growth mindset.
Tip: If you are friends with a fuck girl, they tend to drag you to their level. Maybe her bad energy was what attracted the same guys she dated my side.
The Martyr Matia (Savior of All)
You must have heard of empaths. I have written extensively on how their energy can be good and dangerous for them.
Empaths are basically, the most humane, compassionate, loving, kind, patient, and understanding human beings I’ve ever met. They can sacrifice themselves for people they don’t even know.
Their head is stuck in a “save the universe“ limbo. So when they see someone in need of help, they sweep in like the martyrs they are and solve the person’s problem.
However, more often empathy are honeypot for abusers. They often stick with losers out of love while the loser takes advantage of their compassionate and kind-hearted nature. They rarely say ‘no’ even if the situation puts their life in danger.
I know some may think empaths and narcissists are a perfect match because of the law “opposite attracts,” but in reality that is a dysfunctional dynamic. This relationship is not just toxic, it’s like poison and will emotionally damage the empath because their feelings are magnified twice more than the rest of us.
The empath’s nature is to nurture, cherish and comfort anyone but themselves. They can go any length to make sure they don’t disappoint people who rely on them. While narcissists are entitled and selfish people who use manipulative tactics to keep others under their control.
In other words, empaths and narcissists are like chalk and cheese. The narcissists will destroy every shred of humanity in the empaths until they can’t recognise themselves anymore. They will gaslight, love boom, guilt trip, and manipulate the empath to break their spirit before breaking their heart.
First, the narcissist comes to the empath as a broken and traumatised person in need of love and healing and the empath takes it upon themselves to fix the brokenness not knowing she’s in on a trap.
So if you are dating a man who is self-absorbed, doesn’t sacrifice his time and comfort for you, that’s your cue to run for the heels before his claws clinch deep into your skin releasing his venom at the same time.
The Freud Magnetic
It was Sigmund Freud’s theory that revealed that our behavior is influenced by unconscious memories, thoughts, and urges. According to Freud, we unconsciously repeat previous habits and behavior whether is good or bad for us.
This explains why we tend to repeat relationship patterns because our past keeps playing on a loop in our heads, we can only shut it off if we recognize the repetitive patterns.
After dating my narcissistic ex, I noticed every man I dated had the same love pattern. At first, they seemed kind, gentle, understanding and incredibly loving.
Two weeks in, the love booming stopped. They became self-absorbed. I stopped getting their frequent pickups after my shift and started getting queries on why I returned home late, why I never called during lunchtime and why I was slow in replying to their texts.
By the fourth week, I was emotionally drained with one accusation after another — why I needed to change something about myself or why I needed to stop being friends with certain people because they were bad for me and ‘our relationship.’
After four or five breakups, I thought something was wrong with me. My friends advised me to see a therapist. It was the therapist that convinced me that there was nothing wrong with me, but that I was in a repetitive love limbo.
It was at this time that I created my 3–2–1 dating role and I stuck with it till date. When I meet a guy, I would casually date him for one week. If he shows no red flags, I will continue dating him for two weeks. If he still has his games intact I will give him three months.
After three months, I would know if we are compatible or not. At this point, I’m ready to go steady if he wants to.
However, for the narcissists I have met, their masks swear off after two weeks. And when that happens, your b*tch exists the ship. I have created strong boundaries to protect my heart from undeserving men.
But when I hear women complain about experiencing the same dysfunctional dating cycle, I notice they have loose or no boundaries in their relationships. They see the red flags but ignore them repeatedly.
The Machiavellian Ratchet
Do you see those women who act high and mighty but wear tacky makeup? Yes, those ones are usually drawn to losers. These women like dating low-value men so they can feel powerful and in control.
People with Machiavellian traits are known to use extreme manipulative tactics to control others. They are ambitious, power-hungry, ruthless, self-centered, egocentric, and untrustworthy.
They have the face of an angel and the tail of a serpent. They intentionally seek out men who have nothing going for them and are easy to dominate.
These women mask their insecurities behind emotional coldness. They have mastered the art of emotional distancing, aggressiveness and manipulation. They lack empathy and only keep men to fulfil their sexual needs or to boost their ego.
Most times they are highly intelligent women and if they want something from you, they will exploit any means necessary to get it and you won’t even realize that they led you on.
These women have high self-esteem and are confident in getting what they want. But they struggle to identify their true emotions.
Being in a relationship with a Machiavellian woman will bring you nothing but pain because they are never wrong and will eventually dump you for someone else.
The Fairy Princess
The fairy princess is a naïve girl who lives in a fantasy. Her life’s mission is to find her Prince, get married and have babies so she dates anyone with the hope he might be her Prince.
They love being the stay-at-home wives, the trophy wives or the submissive girlfriends. Their head is wrapped around the traditional family practices so they create low boundaries for men.
If the princess is in love, she can settle for any man who promises to marry her. The princess acts entitled and believes men should compete and serve her to win her over. They want to be validated and admired because they don’t think their life has meaning without a man.
However, they attract men who match their level of emotional emptiness. These men only want to sleep with them or keep them as trophy wives. Men who are looking for love and commitment in their relationship won’t be attracted to her because of her lazy and entitled mindset.
Now you know why you are attracted to fuck boys. Losers can come in disguise when you first meet them, but gradually their toxic essence will begin to show. You need to identify the pattern of behavior that pulls down your boundaries and break free from them unless you want to keep whirling in circles forever.
You need to be emotionally aware of what you want before giving your heart, body, money and time to someone. Make sure you’re on the same page and giving equal value to the relationship. If you’re not, take some time away from him to rethink your choices and move on.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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