Do nice guys really finish last when it comes to women? The idea that heterosexual women may say that they want nice characteristics in a guy when what they really want is a bad boy is one of the most widely believed dictum’s of dating.
The notion is so wide-spread that you can actually pick up self-help book’s that teaches men how-to pick-up women by insulting them. The practice is known as negging — a tactic used by predatory pick-up artists to undermine a woman’s self-confidence leaving her vulnerable to his advances.
Negging are those backhanded comments often delivered with a compliment. It isn’t just a slip of the tongue or a mistake. It is actually a form of emotional manipulation that can be so subtle that you may not initially see it for what it is.
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Tapping into a female’s insecurity and shaking her confidence as a means of “flirting” is extremely misogynistic, controlling and manipulative. Not to mention downright warped. But it’s nothing new.
I used to know a guy who excelled at negging way before it was a thing. He was one of those guys who smelled like arrogance. You know the ones — attractive and self-assured to the point that he probably worshiped his reflection in the mirror each morning. He’d swagger around as if every female ought to be falling at his feet.
“You’re way too nice for me … you’re way frigid … I usually go for skinny blonds, but you’re kinda pretty.”
He was negging me. We ran with the same group of friends and he enjoyed teasing me about being a “good girl”. He would either ignore me completely, or throw some kind of underhanded comment my way that made feel self-conscious. I assumed he just didn’t like me, but every now and then I’d catch him staring.
It was utterly confusing. I actually thought that I wasn’t good enough for him. I didn’t realize it at the time but that’s what he wanted me to think so that when he’d show me a soft moment, I would feel a surge of gratefulness and relief — Maybe he likes me after all?
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Negging doesn’t work.
Negging doesn’t work. It’s not arousing for women and its bullshit. Nobody wants to be around someone who makes them feel inadequate or gets off on power-tripping mind games.
Nasty innuendo be damned. Alpha males don’t need to use such tactics to secure the heart of a woman.
Honestly, it’s not that women are attracted to bad boys. We don’t get off on getting involved with assholes. We do want nice guys, but it comes down to charisma, confidence, and social and emotional intelligence.
Sometimes, women may confuse an alpha male with a bad boy because bad boys ooze a certain type of seductive suave we may find appealing.
Flip it around to a man who comes across as ultra awkward, shy and timid, he’ll stand little chance with a woman next to a man who has grace, confidence and poise.
Why?
It has nothing to do with wanting a “bad boy” and everything to do with instincts. All women are instinctively attracted to men with alpha male characteristics.
It has been an instinctual part of human nature since the days of our early ancestors, and it is nature’s way of ensuring the survival of the species. Women seek to breed with men who are going to be good survivors and men seek to breed with women who are healthy and youthful looking.
Ultimately, a woman seeks to find a man who has what it takes to make her feel like a woman.
Characteristics like charisma and confidence are attractive in a man. These traits naturally flow into interesting, funny and flirtatious conversation.
Women love to engage with a man who knows how to talk to her. She wants real conversations that reflect her intelligence and demonstrate that you acknowledge her as a woman and as a person. The art of flirting is essential to not only striking interest and attraction in a woman but to also keep the spark alive in any relationship.
Most men talk to women in a way that only makes the woman feel friendly or neutral emotions. However, if you want more from your lady of interest, you have to make her feel sexually aroused by you. It starts by arousing her with your words and sincere flirting — alpha male style.
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The Art of Flirting for the Alpha Male
Flirting can be an exciting and a terrifying experience. There is a certain vulnerability to sincere flirting as you are really putting yourself out there and expressing your interest in another person.
There is a complexity to flirting, too. We all have our own ways of expressing our interest in someone — what might seem like acceptable flirting to you, may come across as too aggressive and forward to your “loveliness”.
It’s like a complicated maze we have to work through.
Truth: A woman needs to feel mentally aroused before she can become physically aroused. Flirting shows her that you are interested and attracted to her. And like men, women respond favorably to positive and uplifting energy and not negging-tive energy.
The art of flirting with a woman works best when you …
Connect with your eyes — The truth is in the eyes and a woman who is interested in man wants to feel his focus and know she has his undivided attention. Sincerity is really conveyed by the way we look at each other when we interact. Making her feel important will open the doors of true connection.
Keep it playful — flirting is supposed to be light and fun, even when there is a sexual overtone to it. Keeping it fun allows her to relax and also gives you an opportunity to show off your sense of humor — and let’s face it, all women love a man with a great sense of humor.
Make her smile — compliments are never wasted on anyone, let alone the woman who holds your interest. I’m not just talking about her appearance — she probably already knows you find her attractive if you’re flirting with her. A woman also needs to know you like her for who she is on the inside. When she feels safe in the knowledge that you like who she is, she learns to trust you.
Touch her — don’t get creepy touchy-feely, but don’t be afraid to reach out and touch her either. Touch bridges the gap between you and your woman, and gives her permission to touch you too. Just be mindful to keep your touch to her safe areas of her body: hands, arms and upper back are great spots to begin without making things awkward.
Be clear: Avoid the “friend-zone” — Men naturally want things to move forward while women may naturally erect the barriers when things are moving too fast. It is all about respecting and paying attention to her boundaries, but also making your intentions clear — that you want to be sexual with her. A woman needs to be aware of your interest or she will end up “friend-zoning” you.
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Flirting is a fun. It’s stimulating and wonderful part of our relationships, and an essential element in communicating our feelings and intentions to those we adore.
A woman doesn’t need to be “negged” to be successfully wooed and conquered. She won’t respond to a man who wants to bring her down, at least not for very long. A woman just needs a man who takes the time to get to know who she is; she needs a man who sees, feels and hears her.
A woman just wants to love her alpha male without the BS.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.
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