Falling in love with someone can simultaneously be the most beautiful and terrifying experience. On the one hand, love can overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles and shine a light on the darker corners of our souls. Love is the force that binds us together and fosters connection and intimacy. In this sense, love is one of life’s greatest sources of meaning.
On the other hand, the very vulnerability at the core of love makes it so frightening. Opening ourselves up to another person means allowing that person to see us as we truly are, with all our faults and imperfections. This can be a scary and painful process.
Furthermore, to pursue certain personal goals and realize our unique sense of purpose, we sometimes need to step back from our romantic partner to focus on ourselves and our growth. If not managed properly, this can create distance in the relationship and lead to a breakup. What should we do if we want both, as in achieving our life’s purpose and enjoying love?
Prioritizing Personal Goals: Why Purpose Matters
Why do some people prioritize their relationships over their personal goals, whereas others strive to achieve a balance or make their relationship enhance their life’s purpose?
Across different cultures, social roles, and life stages, personal goals vary. Some common life goals include career success, health and exercise, social and family relationships, religious activities, and personal growth through education and new experiences.
Although intimate relationships can profoundly influence each of these areas, ultimately enhancing our life purpose, we must take an active role in how and to what extent our relationship is allowed to influence these areas to reap the benefits.
Yes, there are those days when your partner gets on your nerves, and you only want to spend some time alone to relax and do the things that truly make you happy.
Investing time and effort into our intimate relationships is important, but we must also remember our personal goals and what gives our lives meaning besides our partner.
Research shows that self-expansion, incorporating a partner’s characteristics, activities, and interests into one’s own sense of self, can enhance relationship satisfaction and promote enduring love.
However, too much of a good thing can be bad. Focusing all our energy on our partner and neglecting our identity and personal goals can lead to a loss of passion, relationship boredom, and a sense of being trapped.
The Importance of Healthy Relationships: Nurturing Love and Support
Given the importance of healthy relationships in providing love and support as we pursue or navigate our personal goals, it is worth clarifying what makes a relationship healthy. Not all close relationships are healthy and provide a supportive environment for pursuing personal goals.
Some relationships are described as codependent, which is a term used to characterize the dynamic of a relationship where one person supports the other person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or underachievement.
In a codependent relationship, one person feels responsible for the other’s well-being, and the other’s needs and problems dictate the first person’s behaviours and emotional state. This is not a mutually supportive relationship, nor does it nurture each person’s ability to pursue their goals.
Healthy relationships contribute to our sense of well-being, the meaning of life, and even our physical health. No wonder we wish to tread carefully when balancing our personal goals and relationships.
Throughout the course of the development of positive psychology, emphasis has been placed not only on nurturing the self but on extending that sphere of concern and connection to others as well. Building positive emotions, engagement, meaning, and accomplishment involves sharing our lives with others. We find happiness in others.
Furthermore, despite the recent emphasis on personal happiness and goal setting, most people still aspire to marriage or a similar long-term committed relationship. The reason is that the creator wired us for relationships, and no matter how successful we are in pursuing our goals, there is a vacuum within us that longs for a meaningful relationship far beyond platonic.
However, a happy single who rushes to marriage will be frustrated because true happiness in marriage is not seeking for your spouse to make you happy. It is the other way around.
It is, therefore, pertinent to learn skills or strategies by which we can balance relationships and love.
Strategies for Balancing Love and Purpose: Practical Tips and Advice
Maintaining balance and finding ways to navigate your relationship without sacrificing your personal goals or romantic relationship require effort, dedication, and open communication. Here are a few strategies to help you through:
1. Be honest with yourself — Are you really in balance? Take some time to reflect and periodically assess your relationships and personal goals. Being honest with yourself about your feelings andwhat you need to be truly happy is the first step in finding balance.
2. Prioritize your goals — List your personal goals and dreams. Look for patterns or connections. Identify overarching themes in your life and use these as a guide for balancing your different relationships.
3. Communicate with your partner — Talk openly and honestly with your partner about your different goals and aspirations. Support each other and be willing to make compromises. Your partner should be your biggest supporter in helping you achieve your different goals in life.
4. Make time for love — With busy schedules and a lot on your plate, it is easy to let love slip to the bottom of your to-do list. Make sure to prioritize your romantic relationship and set aside time for love. Whether it is a weekly date night or a 15-minute check-in each day, finding time to connect with your partner will help nurture your relationship.
5. Find support — Surround yourself with friends, family, and mentors who can help you navigate the different aspects of your life. Seek out people who have similar goals or are in similar situations. Sometimes, just talking to someone who understands can help you gain a new perspective.
Case Studies and Examples: Real-life Stories of Successfully Navigating Relationships and Goals
Below are some examples
An example of Eunice is balancing her career aspirations with her commitment to her relationship with David.
When I started my YouTube channel, my boyfriend was incredibly supportive, even though it meant that I had to spend a lot of time filming and editing videos and responding to comments and messages.
However, as the channel grew and my workload increased, he felt neglected and unimportant. It took a lot of tears and heart-to-heart conversations to make him understand that wasn’t the case, that I still loved him just as much, and that I also needed to pursue my goals and follow my passion.
In the end, we broke up because we both realized that we had different long-term goals and weren’t moving in the same direction. However, I’m grateful for the experience, as it taught me a lot about the importance of open communication and mutual support in a relationship.
I think they both made the right choice because a book I treasure most says, “Can two walk together except they agree. Had they not broken up the relationship, they would have ended up doing it later, and it could be more devastating because there was no agreement.
Another example of successfully navigating relationships and personal goals is the story of Sarah and Michael.
I often struggled to balance nurturing my romantic relationship and developing my personal projects and goals. What ultimately helped me was openly communicating with my partner about what I needed and my goals and listening to and understanding his perspective and goals.
We then found ways to support each other and grow individually as a couple. It wasn’t always easy, and there were some bumps along the road, but in the end, our relationship and personal development have benefited from walking this path together.
The relationship between Sarah and Michael worked out because both learned to communicate openly and support each other’s goals and aspirations, but it wasn’t so for Eunice and David.
Thanks for reading my piece.
Which is more important between relationship and life purpose? Should we sacrifice one for the other, and what can be done to maintain balance?
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
From The Good Men Project on Medium
 |
 |
 |
 |
***
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—–
Photo credit: freestocks on Unsplash
