One of my friends just got ghosted, again.
It is her 3rd time, and I’m truly sad for her.
Imagine you like someone so much that you couldn’t stop talking about that person for weeks. You suddenly found hope, and there’s a reason for you to get excited in the morning.
Until one day, they just ‘disappear’. There’s no call, no text — nothing. They’re just gone. And as long as you could recall, there were no arguments happening.
“Ghosting tends to happen because people are scared. They don’t want to experience the equally awful feeling of letting someone else down, so they disappear” — Tennesha Wood, a relationship expert and the founder of The Broom List
Being ghosted is one of the worst kinds of feelings. It makes you even want to stop dating altogether.
The good news is that you can avoid it by being aware of the signs earlier.
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Avoid being too emotionally attached — at least until you’re sure they want to commit
Commitment has become a hard thing to get nowadays.
Everyone who’s on dating apps thinks they have many options. They want to take their time in choosing the “best” one.
So, it’s only practical for you to protect your heart by not getting attached emotionally too soon.
Remember, the first person you like through a dating app doesn’t always translate into your soulmate. It’s a necessity to remind yourself of this from time to time.
Even the most successful couples who met online said it took them many first dates to find the right one.
So, by being careful with whom you invest emotionally (and physically), you’ll make someone less likely to ghost you. Instead, they will be curious to get to know you more.
Be more aware of the little red flags they drop here and there
Let’s say you’re madly in love with someone.
It’s no surprise your brain doesn’t seem to work well. You tend to ignore little red flags that they drop here and there.
You think it’s normal when they tell you they get bored with people so easily that they can’t stay longer than a month.
You don’t think it’s a big deal. They will never do that to you because you both are so “in love”.
However, neglecting those small red flags is what leads you to be ghosted.
People ghost others for different reasons. They aren’t doing it just to you, especially when they’ve been active on the dating app for a while.
So when you catch some red flags, take a step back and rethink your “investment” in this new person. Maybe ask them a more serious question about the future of the relationship.
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Stop making yourself available for them all the time
Keeping yourself available when the relationship hasn’t gone anywhere is the main recipe to getting your heart broken.
- Cancel plans with your friends so you can hang out with this new guy/girl.
- Say ‘yes’ to Netflix & Chill after a long day at work because that’s the only time they’re free.
- Never reject their invitations because you want to always be there for them.
- Sacrifice your alone time because you want to be closer to them.
Those are examples of how you’re always making yourself available. And for what?
Are they committed to you? Are you sure they’ll do their best to make it work?
If the answer is no, there’s no reason for you to go above and beyond.
Being available all the time will also signal that you’re only talking to them and no one else. This is why people always recommend having other potential dates.
That way, you won’t be investing emotionally in one person only.
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But what if you’ve been ghosted?
When the guy I met from Bumble ghosted me, I was upset and heartbroken. I was even more upset when a friend told me to just “forget and move on”.
We all know it’s not that easy. What helped me instead was to change the narrative in my head that there’s nothing wrong with me.
Just because he stopped talking to me, that doesn’t mean I’m worthless.
Don’t fall into the rabbit hole of misery and insecurity. Know that you still deserve someone who wouldn’t do such a thing to you in the future.
Sometimes we like to blame our failures and bad experiences on online dating. We convinced ourselves that we won’t find someone else ever again — while in reality, it’s far from the truth.
The faster you heal and move on, the sooner for you to meet someone new.
Don’t let one bad experience make you lose hope in finding love.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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