Have you hit the dating wall of gloom and doom? Do you want to give up on dating? Yes, sometimes dating feels like a whole lot of failure and frustration. That’s because it is. Well, it depends on how you define failure, but it’s certainly frustrating. That’s because most people go on tons of dates with the wrong people before finding someone with whom they click. It’s rarely a linear process: Step one: go on a first date. Step two: feel chemistry, compatibility, and excitement. Step 3: fall in love. Step 4: live happily ever after.
It goes more like this: Step one: go online and connect with someone. Step two: send a message. Step three: go on a first date. Step four: that person is not a good fit for you. Step five: get back online and meet more people. Step six: go on another first date. And another first date. Step seven: meet someone great. Yay! Step eight: date him/her for a few weeks/months. Step nine: break up. Step ten: rinse and repeat.
That just sucks, doesn’t it? I mean, how do you not lose hope? What gives you the fortitude to keep on dating? Many do give up on dating altogether, saying, “I’d rather be single than be with the wrong person”.
I get it. After a string of really bad first dates or a dry spell with no dates, it might begin to feel like there are no good people to date. All the people you go out with have too much baggage, are too needy, have major financial issues or no common interests. So you get down or you give up on dating.
Please don’t settle. I’ve been there, done that, and I have the T shirt to prove it. Being with the wrong person is a terrible idea. It feels lonelier than being alone. But is the only alternative is to give up and quit dating? That might be the safe thing to do. If you want to find a loving partner, it’s far from your best option. Instead of giving up, you can focus on trying to stay positive throughout your search for love. Besides, who wants to date a grouchy bitter person?
Before You Give Up on Dating, Do These 4 Things
#1. Keep on Dating, Because it Only Takes One.
It’s easy to forget that if you are dating for a serious relationship, you are only looking for one special person. That person will not likely show up five minutes after you sign up for an online dating site. It could take months, even years, before you connect with Mr./Ms. Right for you. It’s healthy to keep that perspective.
I suggest that you go on each date with a combo pack of short-term realism (he/she may not be right for me, but you never know) and long-term hope (I want a serious relationship, and I know if I keep on dating, I’ll eventually meet someone wonderful). In other words, keep the big picture in mind, but don’t be surprised or disappointed if things don’t work out right away. It’s par for the course.
#2. Put in the Effort, Because Something Worth Having is Something Worth Fighting for!
Love is a big deal. It’s something to be cherished. There’s someone for everyone, and it’s amazing when you find that special someone. But if you’re serious about finding love, you have to put the effort into it. Approach it like you would a coveted job. You would dress your best for interviews, get your résumé in order, and figure out how to make great first impressions until you land that fabulous job. If you approach dating with similar passion and effort, you’ll have a much better chance at finding love.
#3. Stay Away From this Four-Letter Word.
No, it’s not what you think. To find love, you need to stay away from your H.O.M.E. Love will not show up on your doorstep. I’ve met so many people who have stopped leaving their house to meet people and date, and they’re wondering why they’re still single. One of my clients has been divorced 10 years. She hasn’t been on one date since her divorce, and she’s very resistant to dating online.
She had hoped that her friends would set her up. Or even better, that the man of her dreams would just drop out of the sky and knock on her door. Wishful thinking won’t get you a date. Leaving your house is essential to finding a partner. Get out and socialize. Talk to people in line at the grocery store, at the post office and the library. Date online (with the intent to meet offline). Ask friends to set you up. Be proactive and get out of your house and date!
#4. Create a Life You Love to Find the Love of Your Life.
If the rest of your life is filled with things that make you happy and fulfilled, you’ll have a better attitude about dating. You’re not looking for someone to ‘complete you’, right? (Damn you, Jerry Maguire!) Preferably, you’re looking for someone to enhance the wonderful life you’re already living. Make sure to do what makes you feel alive. Do you love to travel? Don’t put it off. Book a flight now. Been thinking about picking up that guitar again? Sign up for lessons or go on YouTube to learn today. Thinking about giving back to your community? Join a worthy cause and just do it. You might even meet your potential match while you’re out doing what you love.
If you follow these four steps, you will be a calmer, happier, more interesting person. And that will make you a more charismatic and irresistible date. You’ll have a healthier perspective, and dating will seem less like a chore and more like the fun adventure it can be.
Next time you feel like staying home and binging on Netflix, turn off the computer or TV, get dressed, and leave your house. Something interesting is bound to open.
What do you do to stay positive and optimistic when dating? Please share in the comments below.