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Being a parent is one of the most challenging yet most rewarding of tasks. There are no explicit direction, no scientific analysis—but with patience, love, and a little help, one can walk the path towards being a good father.
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Here are some tips for learning to be a good father.
- A good father expresses his love. This may be difficult, especially in our culture wherein a father is seen as a figure with a strong, tough image incapable of showing his feelings on the exterior. However, fear must not be the ultimate tool that one uses to guide their children. Children learn best from their parents. Therefore, the way they are treated is later reflected in their treatment of others.
- A word of encouragement or a simple smile can make a child feel great and helps build self-confidence as well.
- Frequent mentions of your gratitude and happiness of being her/his father are important.
- Various forms of kinship like an embrace or a kiss work as an assurance of your love.
- Love her/him unconditionally. One need not feel the obligation of behaving in certain ways to love one’s child. Do not shy away from making them feel assured of your never-ending love and support.
- Appreciate the uniqueness of your child and let her/him know of your fondness for them.
- Reassurance is the greatest strength which a father can provide to his child. Ensure safety when your child is afraid in the events of thunderstorm and nightmare. Protect her/him with your arms to strengthen and calm her/his mind. Make them feel that you will be there whenever they need you.
- Observing your child will help you determine her/his character, according to which you can discover the right way to make her/him feel safe, thus, helping you become a good parent.
- Create a sense of belonging by hanging family photographs throughout the house and having healthy family discussions emphasizing the importance of every family member.
- Respect your child’s mother. Even if you have differences and are separated, it is important to maintain decency and respect for each other. This will make your child feel secure and she/he will be able to accept the situation and will reciprocate the same. A good father explains, that though people may have their differences and disagreement, all these can be resolved by peaceful discussions.
- Keep a check on your health. You must be able to spend quality time and make a lot of happy memories with your children. Hence, maintain a healthy lifestyle so you can watch them grow for the longest time.
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- It is of utmost importance to spend time with your child. It has been found that the lack of attention has been the greatest cause of misconduct in children. Time can be spent in many ways:
○ Time can be spent by engaging in basic activities like playing, reading,
going outside for a walk, etc.
○ You can lend a hand in housework and complete tasks as a family. This will not only help you in being recognized as a good father who cares for his children, but will also help you in being recognized as a good husband by your wife.
○ Listening to your child may become your favorite activity after a tiring day. Every child had her/his opinions and is curious by nature. You must carefully listen to your child and more importantly, respect her/his opinion. No question is futile. Take your time to answer, no matter how simple or practical but never fail to answer even the most difficult ones.
- Be kind to your child. Bad answers, insults, humiliation, and teasing coming from a cold and distant father is a form of abuse. The abuse not only comes as a shock to the child, but the words also leave a deep scar in the child’s mind. Hence, one must treat the child with respect as one would with any other person one appreciates. Your child is a human being and must be one of the most important things in your life.
○ Avoid criticizing the child for her/his inappropriate behavior. For example, if she/he is running in the supermarket, do not use phrases
like “you are unbearable!” or “you never obey!” especially in a high tone
with anguish. A good parent explains as to why the behavior is inappropriate or dangerous and concentrates on imbibing her/him with
the right way to act.
○ Never humiliate the child especially in public places.
○ Never hit the child. Contrary to old beliefs, a spank or slap is a form of abuse. Hitting your child is nothing but a display of your fear and weakness. In case you have a feeling that you may lose control, get away and calm down. A good parent demonstrates to the child how to control anger even in the worst situations.
○ Become a role model for your child. She/he will learn more from your actions than words. Behave as you want her/him to behave. A good father preaches.
○ A comparison can be a poison for your child. Your child has her/his abilities and tastes. Comparisons can make one feel failed and lower one’s self-esteem. A good father enjoys the difference and teaches the child that it is perfectly fine to be unique and helps in building her/his personality.
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- Occasionally allow the child to make her/his decisions, rather than making all the decisions concerning the child by yourself. If the child is young, let them make their decision, even as simple as having a two-year-old child deciding whether to go up first to a swing or slide in the park. These help in building up their decision making.
○ Through the independence to make choices, your child will learn that choices have consequences, sometimes good and sometimes bad.
○ A good father explains the options and consequences of each option
and accepts the decision of his child.
○ Your child will gradually become responsible for her/his decisions and as she/he will grow, she/he will learn to make right decisions.
- A good parent has realistic expectations.
○ No human is perfect. Hence, one must have realistic expectations for
both oneself and one’s child. Think about your child and do not put higher expectations than that which facilitates her/his age, personality, and development.
○ If you build up impossible expectations, you and your child will feel frustrated. Be aware of your needs, advantages and limitations, thus assessing your strengths and weaknesses. The same applies to your child.
I would like to know your opinion. I invite you to leave me a comment if this note helped you in your search for being a good father.
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Mr. Vinod Chaudhary is a noted public speaker, entrepreneur, motivational and relationship expert. He is the founder of Incite Software Pvt. Ltd. for last one decade. He is trying to help men across the globe in their relationship.
Photo: Flickr/Nate Grigg
