Better Relationships Come From Higher Emotional Intelligence

Relationships are undoubtedly no walk in the park. They force you to evaluate yourself from every available perspective, which can be overwhelming, if not agitating. For instance, have you ever had someone say something that triggered a quarrel immediately — just to discover you misheard what they said in the beginning?

Visualise what life would be like if you possessed the abilities to effectively dodge most of the disputes, quarrels and confrontations you encounter with the souls in your life. You do not have to make a run from an argument and ignore unpleasant realities in order to establish peace in your social network. There are several painless steps you can follow to heighten your emotional awareness and intelligence to erect more resilient relationships that will aid you in navigating any communication setbacks you find yourself in.

1. Put In Place Communication Ground Rules

The art of communication is an aspect of life most people do not consciously think about when sending their message(s) to their targeted audience — it is just something they perform without showing careful thought or good judgment. For example, how frequently do you rethink how someone may react to the emoji you just sent to them? Usually, not as frequent as you would like to think, which can lead to a certain degree of miscommunications and redundant arguments because it puts you on the defensive.

The most fundamental standard of communication that needs to be incorporated is the combination of the benefit of doubt and verification. This implies that when you are making contact with someone, you assume the role of “this individual is empathetic and would not deliberately say anything to hurt me.” This first step offers some space before replying when someone in your life says things that anger you or make you lose respect for them. When you have a brief period to remind yourself that this person would not deliberately wound your feelings, it prompts you to clarify what they said. Here is an example of how you can accomplish that:

“Hello, I heard you say this. . And I took it to mean this . Is that what you were attempting to say to me?”

Oftentimes, the person on the other side of the conversation will either make clear that the words your ears picked up were not the actual words they said or that the words’ meaning has been distorted, and they will elaborate to you further.

While all of this is happening, it is vital to keep your cool and demonstrate that what the other person said is true, accurate, or justified. It is important because if you are angered, and you rush into why the other person is incorrect or how they hurt your feelings, it is effortless (and normal) for the other person to get into a defensive position. Through the process of verification, you can observe which element in the line of communication is falling apart, and you get the chance to understand each other better.

The outcome? Everyone wins.

2. Check In

Although the globe is more digitally linked than ever, that does not mean that the number of people suffering from loneliness decreases. On the contrary, a report by Ipsos Group S.A. discovered that feelings of loneliness are actually on the rise. Odds are, the people that you value and the people who are of great importance to you, are feeling lonely sometimes, but not regularly. One of the best things you can do for any relationship you have is check in to make sure the other person is in overall good shape.

How does that look like in the context of romantic relationships? Well, “checking in” means keeping your phone in your pocket or walking away from the computer and giving your partner your undivided attention. Alternatively, you asking your significant other questions that offer them windows of opportunity to open up to you is also another form of “checking in.” Those questions can be:

Is everything okay?
Given the gruelling work conditions you told me about not long ago, how are you now?
Is there something I can do to make you feel better?

Whether that someone is your colleague or a friend of yours since high school, the questions are almost identical. However, you can initiate the conversation through any medium, be it phone, text or email.

Checking in enables the people in your network to seize a golden opportunity to have their voices heard.

Simultaneously, it gives you the chance to spot communication breakdowns that need to be addressed. This keeps you two on the same page and moving in sync.

3. Emphasise Advancement

Advancing yourself in all aspects of your life is essential for success, chiefly in relationships. When things are not progressing, emotional ties start to crumble. Even so, it is vital to not get into the self-help trap — that realm where much growth occurs in your journal, and you get lots of “eureka” moments during your reading period. However, it does not translate into your actual behaviour, expression, and relationships.

Incorporating intellectual awareness — and not the words coming out of your mouth — into your life can be difficult. That being said, here are some ways to go around it.

Acknowledge that there is no room for negotiation when it comes to patience. There are many episodes where you will be infuriated, and you must pause for a moment to regain your composure before you resume talks. That is where your communication standards swoop in to offer you support.
Understand that your instinct is to shield yourself whenever your subconscious mind thinks you are in danger. When your emotions are all over the place, it is challenging for your mind to recognise whether or not you are indeed in the middle of a dangerous situation. For that reason, it does not take much to exhibit an exaggerated reaction to something someone says to you instead of keeping your cool. By reminding yourself of this, you can calm your nerves down when you find yourself emotionally triggered and avoid getting into a defensive position.
Seek solutions. Despite the fact that you are in the middle of an argument, every confrontation is a chance for you to bolster the relationship. It is a walk in the park to interact with each other well and develop surface relationships that do not amount to anything meaningful. However, when you go further and discover places of divergence, you provide yourself and the other person a chance to consider things in a different manner, acknowledge other viewpoints, and strengthen your love and trust for each other. How you manage friction in the relationship is more important than never seeing conflict in the first place.

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So, there you go. The three building blocks to reinforcing your emotional awareness and intelligence in order for you to increase the likelihood of encountering success in your relationships.

Everything begins with you, and when you uncover the secrets to navigating your relationships with patience, compassion and affirmation, quality connections that last for eternity will come to you, rather than you go to them.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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