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I should start this off by saying this will probably piss some of you off. If you’re not ready for the honest truth about what the average person’s biggest challenge is when it comes to dating, it may be time to click the back button, I won’t be offended.
Alright, down to business…
I hear from a lot of people that they have a really hard time finding someone to date. This is not about maintaining a relationship. This is not about carrying on a conversation. This is not about chivalry, or manners, or respect.
This is the initial spark and attraction that needs to occur before any of that even takes place. And, the hard truth about that attraction, is that it’s based on appearance.
Now, I’m not saying you need to have gotten lucky in the gene pool, or fit a stereotypical mold of beauty or handsomeness in order to attract someone. I am not saying that only beautiful people can date. I am not saying that you’re shit outta luck if you’re still struggling with acne (believe me, I’ve been there).
What I am saying is that many people out there don’t quite put their best foot forward on a regular basis. It is easy to get comfortable and complacent and toss on the same ol’ thing when you go to work or the gym. It’s easy to pull that hat over your eyes when you’re in line at the coffee shop. It’s easy to snap a quick cell-phone photo for your dating profile without worrying about the lighting or your outfit.
It might be easy—but it doesn’t attract the people you’re trying to attract.
Here’s where it gets sticky: Most people don’t put in the effort to be attractive in their own way. And, that is completely fine! But the problem arises when these same people are actively trying to date or find a relationship. When that is your goal, certain steps need to be taken to achieve it. The same as any other goal in life—you need to set yourself up for success.
How often are you in the gym? When was the last time you got a new outfit? Have you ever done a photoshoot with a photographer? In the dating world, you are a product, and marketing is key.
See? I knew I’d piss some of you off.
To attract, one must be attractive. This means dressing for your body type in a way that makes you feel sexy and powerful (regardless of what your body type is, or what your style is—it’s not about that). This means projecting yourself well both in-person and online. This means having good quality photos on your dating profile (the clothing of the internet).
This means walking and talking with confidence and posture that demands attention. It means smiling when engaging with others (men, smiling will help you be less intimidating to women and communicate better). It means taking the time to really analyze how you want to project yourself to the world.
It’s about being sexy—but sexy it’s not about mini-skirts and 6-pack abs (though, sometimes it is…). Sexy is about confidence. Sexy is about being well-spoken. Sexy is about being outgoing and social. Sexy is about being mindful and conscious. Sexy is about self-development. Sexy is about living a healthy life.
Sexy is about working every single day to be the best possible version of yourself, in order to live a life that is happy and fulfilling, regardless of your relationship status.
Sexy is about feeling sexy and attractive. When you can truly say that about yourself, you will walk, talk, act, converse, and live in a more vibrant and energetic universe.
That’s what having sex appeal is all about.
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This post originally appeared at jamesmsama.com
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Photo credit: Getty Images
