There are two certainties in life for those growing up near Boston: an undying love for the Red Sox and becoming an aggressive driver.
I talk to myself when I drive and routinely carry on improvised conversations with other drivers. Angry conversations. Obscenity-laced exchanges, in which I curse the driver and his or her family, and end up sending a one-finger salute to the unfortunate soul who cut me off. And what’s worse, I didn’t even realize I was doing it until recently.
My son and I drive together everyday. He’s 2.5 years old and that means, among other things, he’s become a damn parrot. Never was that more clear than a few days ago.
While riding in a car with my parents, we had to go over a bridge that is down to one lane in each direction due to construction. When the lanes converged, traffic came to a halt and we stopped in a long line of cars. As is customary, I let out a sigh and some grumblings. But I was not ready for the little voice that chirped from the backseat.
“Move it fucking car!”
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The pause that followed was one of the longest I’ve ever heard. Everyone in the car was trying to figure out if my son had just said what they thought he said. I didn’t doubt it for an instant. He said it exactly like I do. Same level of exasperation. Same tone of voice. It might as well have been DNA evidence lifted from a crime scene.
My wife and my parents realized it too, and all eyes turned to me, looking for an explanation of why I was raising a miniature George Carlin. I tried to explain it away by coming up with another phrase he might have said by mistake. Unfortunately, “fucking car” was clear as a bell and didn’t leave me many options. The kid has excellent diction and pronunciation for his age.
♦◊♦
Then I thought about going into “Angry Dad” mode, in which I would scold him and morph into the disciplinarian. But it’s not like he picked it up from foul-mouthed toddlers playing in the sandbox, so that just wasn’t gonna fly.
So I did what any good father would do. I blamed it on my wife.
Needless to say, that just compounded the problem. I went from just being a bad father to being a bad husband, too. And just to make it that much more of a gut punch, Will did what all kids do when you make a big deal out of something: he repeated the word over and over again.
I learned what I already should have known—little ears are always listening and what we say as fathers is often learned and repeated by our kids. These New York and Florida drivers who vacation on my peninsula (Cape Cod) don’t make it easy, but I am trying to curb my swearing and watch what I say.
Oh, and I’ll remember to never blame my wife.
Haha… great anecdote. I’m ashamed to admin that I’ve let the f-bomb fly a couple of times when our four year old was younger. I stuck to my guns that I had said “fork” and thankfully, the situation was diffused. I’ve since learned to curb my language and attitude for the most part.
my twins are almost two, and sometimes I hear my daughter just walking around the house saying what sounds an awful lot like “damnit” over and over again. Hmm? 🙂
I don’t know what it is about kids and cussing that’s so hilarious but the deviant in me can’t help but busting out laughing. Not that I don’t have a talk with them about why they shouldn’t do it, but when my 7 y/o stepdaughter blurts out with sincere earnestness that she doesn’t want to grow up and be a “bitchy ho” there’s no keeping in.
Hilarious article! Kids truly do say that darndest things… at the darndest times. 😉
My son nailed me that way when he was around Will’s age. I almost convinced him that I said truck, but…
love this, bro. my sister once said “the son-of-a-bitchin’ ” lights don’t work. she was four. my dad is the only human being ever to use son of a bitch in the form of a truncated gerund.
fucking car? fucking classic.
Sad.
LOL! My 2 1/2 year old has picked up “Damn It!” I blame my husband and he blames me. My son knows how to use it at just the right time and in the right tone. It’s so hard not to laugh.
omg….this story brings back memories of the first time my son dropped the f bomb…..lol …thanks for the great chuckle this morning..
The kids always wait until there’s other people around to drop the F bomb too, lol! Great post.