The better you understand how sexual harassment functions, the easier it is to work against it.
One of the facts of life that I’ve come to know in my 50 years of learning is that, in general, members of privileged groups are oblivious to 1) their unearned privilege and 2) moments of oppression—or the possibility of it that lingers in the air—that people who are not members of privileged groups experience often, without warning.
I’ll pause here because I can already see some of you rolling your eyes. You’re about to click the ‘back’ button to read something else or shut down your laptop, altogether. Or maybe you’re about to write me off as a left-wing nutbar.
Don’t. Hear me out, instead.
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Let me provide an anecdote to try to make my point about how social privilege works. Earlier today, I was walking in my Vancouver neighbourhood. Coming directly towards me was a woman. Visual cues indicated that we were about to turn onto the same sidewalk, she to her right and me to my left. Rather than rushing ahead of her, I slowed so that she could pass ahead of me. The result was that, for about 15 feet, I was following behind her.
For that brief amount of time, I wondered if she instantly felt self-conscious, fearing that I might have been checking her out from behind and assessing her sexually on physical attributes. I wondered if, in other places and at other times, she has been the target of unwelcome sexual leering and comments from boys and men throughout her life. I wondered about sexual harassment, sexual abuse, and even sexual assault at the hands of boys and men. Boys and men have been targets of sexual harassment, abuse, and assault, too, but the difference is that girls and women are generally more vulnerable in public space than are boys and men.
As one example of male privilege, I can generally roam around in public completely free of the fear that I’ll be sexually ogled. Many women do not have that privilege. How they look and what they’re wearing have nothing to do with it because ogling is about men’s behaviour. Let me say that again: men’s behaviour. To believe otherwise is to support rape culture, which is the belief that women deserve what they get because they were in the wrong place, doing the wrong things, and wearing the wrong clothing. It is not just some men who believe such—let me put it politely—hogwash. Some women support it, too, such as socially ultraconservative women, religious zealots, and the like.
I am not saying that girls and women are passive victims, powerless to the unwelcomed leering and advances of men. To be a victim is to take on an identity of deference. Instead of victim as a noun, I prefer to describe targets of oppression with the verb form of victim, which is victimize. There is a key difference between being a victim and being victimized. The pervasive threat that lingers in the public air is that any girl or woman can be victimized in public space, at any time.
One of the defining characteristics of belonging to a privileged group is that most members are oblivious to how other people, by simple virtue of their not belonging to a privileged group, can be victimized through verbal or physical harassment or assault. Many men, for instance, do not understand how sexism and misogyny play out in small, discrete moments in the lives of girls and women, everyday. It doesn’t happen to most men, so we just don’t see it.
A complex problem is that if members of privileged groups don’t see the undeserved oppression of others, then chances are that they will remain ignorant of their own unearned social privilege. Unless you’re a member of a targeted group, it takes constant effort to see the oppression of others. It’s hard work. Let me provide three examples, setting aside so many others such as religious, cultural, able-bodied, and class privilege. Most men don’t see how they benefit from male privilege, despite how it plays out in their lives, everyday. Straight people have to work very hard at seeing their straight privilege. They can flaunt their sexuality, i.e. publicly announce their marriages and perform Public Displays of Affection without fear of getting bashed, while not having a clue that other people cannot. Take this unabashed celebration of hetero love, for instance. Notice that there isn’t a single gay or lesbian couple in any of the photos? That’s the usual state of affairs but many straight people wouldn’t notice. Similarly, White folks struggle to see White privilege; most don’t see it and many emotionally react against the very idea.
The difficulty in merely seeing the oppression of others is why educating for social justice is such a difficult enterprise. We who teach it spend too much time demonstrating that oppression exists in the first place. You might not be directly affected by it, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t adversely shape the lives of people who are not you.
I’m not saying that men are bad people for having privilege, if “bad people” even means anything. Instead, I’m talking about social conditioning of prejudicial ideas that become normalized.
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I’m not talking, necessarily, about overt racism, homophobia, and sexism. I’m not saying that men are bad people for having privilege, if “bad people” even means anything. Instead, I’m talking about social conditioning of prejudicial ideas that become normalized. The culture of misogyny, for instance, is mirrored in pop culture media, including toys for girls to instil passiveness, overt sexuality at younger and younger ages, and a princess identity that teaches her to defer to the prince who will supposedly sweep her off of her feet. I’m not against girls’ and women’s sexuality. I’m against the message so common in media and consumer goods that sexuality is all they’re worth and all they have to offer. That message is everywhere, all around us.
Fortunately, there are many men who recognize their social privilege as men. They also see how girls and women are potential targets of sexual harassment, abuse, and assault, and how our media-driven, contemporary, modern society endorses girls’ and women’s inferiorization, hyper sexualisation, and degradation. Those are big words but they describe something real in the everyday lives of girls and women that most boys and men do not experience or even have to think about. That’s male privilege, right there.
Back to the woman who I encountered while going for a walk. It likely would not have been apparent to her that I’m gay (Well, it might have been apparent. Who am I kidding?) and not interested in her that way. But, in that very moment, my sexuality was beside the point. What mattered to me was that I take some responsibility for the possibility that she might feel uncomfortable with me, a male stranger, walking behind her. And so, I took it upon myself to turn the next corner instead of following her across the road, which I could have easily done. It was a tiny moment of awareness turned into action, despite how insignificant it seemed. It is these seemingly little daily moments that build a life based on responsibility and change.
Photo—the_toe_stubber/Flickr
You’ll get better responses if you talk about the kirarchy, rather than male privilege. There are definitely situations where it is better to be a man (being followed on the street is not one of them. 90% of the victims of stranger perpetrated violence are male). There are also situations where it is better to be a woman. Male victims of sexual harassment have nowhere to go. A friend of mine had an orientation at a major investment bank, and they talked about the systems to prevent sexual harassment, and how to report it. Then the speaker said that if… Read more »
I notice that I don’t get harassed while on vacation in Hawaii (maybe because I travel in a big group or maybe because people are more respectful of petite Asian women around here)…..when I am back home in NYC, it seems like some sort of automatic reaction for some guys to make some sort of whistle-y or kiss-y noise with their mouths when they see an attractive female go by (regardless of whether she is married or traveling with her child)….
Two words: ‘Hawiian Privilge’ 😉
Sorry. Seriously, though get with it NYC- take the lesson from Hawaii.
@ Leia It’s probably a cultural thing. There are a lot of Asians in Hawaii. My Asian friends and family tend to be reserved. Making kissy noises tends to draw attention to oneself. I remember reading an article on the urinals in Japan. A tourist was wondering how guys could pee out in the open. Essentially they were told that they had privacy because people were expected not to look. http://info.japantimes.co.jp/text/ek20061219wh.html “There is a lot of ‘implied privacy’ in Japan,” he noted. “In traditional architecture, doors were paper thin, and of course you could hear right through them. So closing… Read more »
@John Gottman: Yes, I agree with you…it’s a different culture out here…the affluent Japanese tourists flood the expensive stores here in Hawaii and are greeted in Japanese by female staff….I cringe to think what would happen to business here if they were as rudely treated as I am back home in NYC….
Being female and Asian is valued here…
Hey Gerald – you know the piece of advice I’d loved you to included in this article?
When a women is sexually harassing you because she feels entitled to touch your body, you can stop sexual harassment by telling her to stop. Because that’s ok.
“As one example of male privilege, I can generally roam around in public completely free of the fear that I’ll be sexually ogled” Women don’t look and stare at men sexually? You could argue that ugly people have this privilege too. “It is these seemingly little daily moments that build a life based on responsibility and change.” So your way of combating these issues is to turn the next corner, but what if your destinations are the same? Why should men have to change their life. If she is afraid, she can cross the street. I am a victim of… Read more »
Hi Archy
Life is short. Why not try to look back the next time a woman look directly at you?
Why not keep eye contact and see what happens, and smile?
A tall large man is not scary to all women Archy,some see large men as something protective. Where I live we women often call tall large men ” a bear”. A nice bear. (The bears here eat blueberries and not women.)
I’d like it if we were a little more casual about the lifeworld. Men are not going to stop looking at women with desire. Women are not going to stop looking at men the same way. I think the privilege business and rape culture are instructive, but a little too fraught for normal life. No-one is going to give up privilege (besides Mother Theresa.) I doubt that there is a general rape culture. I do think an anonymous society is scary because your friends and neighbors are frequently not out on the street looking after you.
I understand class privilege, white privilege, and hetero privilege at least in the traditional senses of the term. Rich people don’t need to worry about their next meal so they’re free to expend their energies on other things. White people don’t need to worry about being pulled over by the police for driving while white. Same sex marriage isn’t even legal in every state and yeah, there is no social stigma to being hetero. Male privilege is a little more difficult to grasp. You say it’s because I have it. Well maybe, but then again maybe because it doesn’t actually… Read more »
Great article. As a small woman who walks alone in the dark to the metro after work I promise this is a real thing women worry about. Is it unfair? Absolutely but we (women) are constantly warned of how we need to protect ourselves at all times. Once, while walking on a deserted street in the dark a guy stepped out of an alley behind me. We were the only ones on the street. I am not going to lie I got nervous (probably visible through my body language and increased speed of walking). Then he shouted from about 20… Read more »
“Its not men’s responsibility to worry they are threatening every woman they encounter but a little acknowledgement of what could be “threatening” circumstances does not go unnoticed by a women just trying to get to the metro.” Indeed. At the mall for instance when I see a woman look at me and I look back I quickly look away because I don’t want to make her uncomfy. I’ve probably missed opportunities for dates because I didn’t want to make someone feel uncomfy asking them out. Some people are easily spooked, and I think there are a lot of guys who… Read more »
Its not men’s responsibility to worry they are threatening every woman they encounter but a little acknowledgement of what could be “threatening” circumstances does not go unnoticed by a women just trying to get to the metro. I am sorry about the circumstances that you go live with please let me say thanks for acknowledging this bit here. It may not seem like much but with the way these conversations go men actually are being held responsible for making sure they don’t appear to be threatening to women in any way. I’ve seen see suggestion that a guy cross to… Read more »
Gerald, “To believe otherwise is to support rape culture, which is the belief that women deserve what they get because they were in the wrong place, doing the wrong things, and wearing the wrong clothing.” Nonsense!!!!! I do not believe their is such a thing as rape culture. Most women who are raped know the man who raped them. The other women are subject to violence, often when they are sleeping….. But, on to the bigger picture. I really do not like the definition of sexual harassment: unwelcomed sexual overtures…..So, does that mean if the overture is welcomed it is… Read more »
I feel that way oftentimes, as well. I’m a tall, broad man with a kinda scowly face and I can tell I sometimes make women nervous in parking garages or elevators. It is sad that this is the case, I’m really a guy to keep to himself; I don’t hit on strange women let alone attack them in the night. What I probably might have done in your situation is to get in front of the woman rather than behind. You can’t be watching her and she can see what you’re doing. Plus, on more than one occasion I have… Read more »
*rolls eyes*
Gerald I am sorry but I don’t buy it. You have no idea what that woman was thinking in your anecdote, Do you realize that you as a man were actually much more likely to be a victim of a crime from a stranger than she was. You did nothing wrong and this putting the collective guilt on men has got to stop and it should stop now. Someone else on this website some time ago said something that I think applies here. “To a hammer everything looks like a nail”. You said those with privilege don’t see it but… Read more »
Raft, I have to say I agree with you here. It’s a moral imperative to obey the law- it’s not a moral imperative to fall over one’s self to randomly reassure any or every stranger (male or female) that you are going to obey the law. It’s important to understand an accept that any individual cannot (and cannot reasonably be expected to be obligated to) reassure everyone, everywhere, all the time: Whether or not they even have the inclination to (let alone the ability to) they do not have the responsibility to. Ambivalence in place of active, positive, unqualified, hegemonic,… Read more »
What I don’t understand is why it’s such a big deal to be considerate when it’s not costing anything? Now, I’m a big fella. True, if I’m walking behind a lone woman on a darkish street, I don’t know if that’s scary for her or not. But either way, it’s not cost to be to cross the street just in case. So why not just do it? This is not about “collective guilt” or anything or the sort. Nobody is blaming me or calling me a rapist. In fact, it’s not about me at all. It’s all about the people… Read more »
Should black men stay further behind because people have irrational fears about them? That’s the point here, why should men have to change their life to suit other peoples fears? Why can’t those in fear learn to deal with it better instead of expecting men change life to make them feel allll warm n special n safe whilst treating the man like a damn lecherous person. Why isn’t it up to the person afraid to stay away from others? If they cannot handle walking the streets then why the hell is it up to EVERYONE ELSE to make them feel… Read more »
As a woman, I find this comment very offensive. I encounter sexual harassment from men on the street daily. I have been leered at, called out, had someone smack their lips as I pass by, been approached, propositioned, even had someone run up behind me while walking alone at night and try to touch me. I didn’t expect that person to get in my space, but they did. It scares me that these men feel entitled to use their masculinity as a way to intimidate and harass me. I don’t know how far someone is going to go. I am… Read more »
@Margaret, Well I forgot to add emphasis that I meant this for case of expecting men to cross the street. Hence my focus on the staying away part. It bothers me that there are some who expect men to walk further away from a woman than others, to cross the street to make her feel safe, to change directions and stay well away from her, that is what I was referring to. For people who call our, harass, etc I think they should face punishment from the law. I’m not saying to NOT cross the street, but don’t expect men… Read more »
Thanks for your response. I am not disagreeing with you- I don’t recommend gender profiling either and I don’t expect men to cross the street for my benefit. I just wanted to point out that the words you used were offensive and the attitude you have toward valid fears was very dismissive.
Sorry it came across that way, I was probably a bit cranky and forgot to clarify. I live with an anxiety disorder and have super duper annoying fears, can’t even work at the moment over them so I understand fear quite well. I come from the sense that fears can be so crippling that I think it’s good to overcome them where possible, but my comment was meant to only be directed at the fears implying men should stay away. I didn’t mean to dismiss them for when men are inside your personal space, not backing off, leering, being lecherous… Read more »