Lady Chatterley on Bitstrips, bickering and when social media and marriage don’t mix.
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Have you heard of Bitstrips? If you’re a Facebook user, you’ll probably be familiar with the personalised cartoon strips that are clogging up newsfeeds at the moment. Not having jumped aboard the Bitstrip bandwagon, my knowledge of the fad is somewhat limited. But, for the uninitiated, basically it’s an app where the Facebook user creates an avatar that physically resembles them, chooses from a bunch of pre-made scenes and then inserts speech bubbles or cute/witty captions to finish it off. Confused? Bored? I know how you feel. But stay with me.
I’m sure most of us have been out with a couple who, the entire time you’re in their company, make subtle digs at one another. You know the teasing (poorly) disguised as a gentle ribbing but with an undercurrent of “I’m actually really pissed off with you.” And you sit there awkwardly as they trade these barbs back and forth, pretending not to notice as they become more and more irritated with one other. Good times.
Which brings me back to the fascinating Facebook fad (try saying that several times quickly) that is the Bitstrip. Yesterday, I noticed a friend of mine had created and posted a cartoon depicting her berating her husband for the mess he had left in the car. The caption was something along the lines of “Samantha* is a bit over George** leaving the car in such a sty. Samantha, or rather Samantha’s avatar, had her hands on her hips and smoke coming out of her ears, presumably to further highlight to all 324 of her Facebook friends that she was less than impressed with George’s untidiness.
It seems that social media, whether it’s Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, has made these awkward exchanges, previously witnessed by an unlucky few over the dinner table, into quite the spectator sport. Tell me I’m not the only one who has seen the “Is it really that hard to put your dirty socks in the washing basket???” status update, with the poor unsuspecting husband tagged in the post. Or the “Do other people’s husbands selectively respond to text messages???” Interestingly, in my newsfeed at least, the majority of the offending posts tend to be made by women, although men are also guilty of throwing the odd passive aggressive barb.
It made me wonder when it became acceptable to air relationship grievances in such a public forum. I mean sure, perhaps it feels good momentarily as the supportive, commiserating, comments and “likes” flood in, other people taking the opportunity to whinge and moan about their other half. But it’s not particularly classy is it.
Take poor George, who has has just been outed via Facebook as a) being untidy and b) in trouble with his wife. When I saw that post yesterday, I just felt bad for George for being so publicly shamed. Surely Samantha could have waited to voice her annoyance with George the old school way (in person) rather than inviting all 324 of her Facebook friends into their intimate space, allowing them public access to a private issue.
I also doubt very much that once George discovers his starring role in Samantha’s cartoon drama, he’s going to be in the mood for a civil discussion about the mess he’s been accused of making. I know I certainly wouldn’t be thrilled. So I’m not exactly sure what going public with petty domestic complaints achieves, beside unnecessarily embarrassing your spouse. Which can surely only lead to resentment. And that’s not exactly conducive to healthy, open communication in a relationship.
It seems we’re no longer just sharing selfies, baby pictures and our breakfasts on social media. Some of us also think it’s acceptable to broadcast the minor (or sometimes not so minor) disagreements that we all experience as part of sharing our lives with another person. The person we’re supposed to love and respect.
What do you think? Has social media impacted your relationship? Are there some things that should remain private?
*not really Samantha
**not really George
Photo Credit: Flickr/Jason A. Howie
This isn’t really about social media, is it? As I see it, it’s about couples who have terrible communication patterns – in particular couples who appear unable to handle conflict and talk openly about expectations, never learned to say “when you do X, I feel Y”, and talk from there. Instead, therse people try to score a win and make their partner feel guilty. A popular strategy for that is to use their friends as a mirror and amplifier, by making the partner look bad in front of friends. This was always a horrible strategy. Social media does not change… Read more »
Facebook, texts …. I hate them all but that’s not to say I don’t use them . Facebook is pretty much just for family and close friends and a place where I can boast about my grandkids. Texts? I get them and PHONE the person. Now, if I were to throw jabs about my wife, I sure as heck wouldn’t do it in a public forum. In my case, it’s much more fun in person with her standing there. Nothing nasty … may an eye roll, maybe a “God help me” but she does the same. It’s about each others… Read more »
i’ve got to be honest, i don’t really understand why people post most of the stuff they post on Facebook, i can only assume it’s to gain some attention. Things like birthday shout outs to their one year old kid, their kid can’t read, and isn’t on Facebook, what’s the point? i read that as “Hey everyone, it’s my baby’s birthday, everyone look at me!”
I learned early on that pretty much everything online is open to consumption by everyone. Much in the same way David Sedaris is no longer invited to family outings (less they continue to be the subject of his essays), I would rather not estrange myself from my loved ones by publicly publishing about them. As I would be embarrassed to be publicly outed or mentioned in such a fashion on a public medium, I do my best to make sure others don’t feel the same way because of me. The more avenues there are for communication, the more diluted the… Read more »
I haven’t seen the Bitstrips yet, but assume they will come and go like most of these things. My two cents: Unhealthy, destructive marital behavior happens all the time – with our without the help of social media. (I used to be quite skilled) No doubt that Samantha and George were crossing boundaries frequently long before Bitstrips came along. Choosing to air laundry in public is common. Social media helps reach more people but doesn’t make it any more damaging. The damage is done. Examples I’ve heard in small gatherings: 1. George is so worthless around the house I cringe… Read more »