Know before you show if she really wants that photo of what you’re packing.
The first time a woman asked me for a picture of my nether regions, I thought she was joking.
I had been programmed by online-dating advice columns saying that this was the biggest no-no a man could make in online dating. Bigger than asking to go dutch or to meet in a dark alley.
I was led to believe that sending a picture of your genitals was something that only perverts and congressmen did.
But she wasn’t joking. I never sent the pic, but I did get a date with this woman. When I inquired about her request in person, she explained that she liked X-rated pictures. So much so that she sometimes posed as a man on gay dating sites and requested more pictures if she saw a penis she found aesthetically pleasing.
Her obsession probably put her towards the far end of the scale on which one could measure women who like d*ck-pics, but I assure you, in my 20-years of experience through the cyber-sex/online-dating boom, she is not the only one who wanted to see the full frontal.
There are two types of requests. The preview and the-after show. Both are frowned upon, but we’re usually all guilty of at least one.
Of the hundreds of women who I’ve spoke to online, at least dozens have asked for a picture of the goods. Some are self-titled “size-queens” and don’t want any type of relationship, casual or long-term, with a guy who doesn’t measure up.
Others say that they don’t want to be surprised either way. These Goldilocks-of-the-penis don’t want one too big or too small, but instead want a phallus that is just right.
My own experience has been that women primarily interested in sex are more interested in checking out the genitals than those who are looking for a serious relationship. Women who’ve chosen the internet rather than other traditional means of meeting casual sex partners, find themselves in an amazing candy store of men.
As much as we want to believe that the largest sex organ is the one between your ears, the sex organ they’ll be actually participating with is the one between your legs, and can be seen in up to 12mb if you’re shooting it with an iphone 6s. So hey, “Be prepared!”
Women also request after-sex pics.
On a few post-coital occasions I’ve been asked to share an image of what the woman in question has already viewed in person. I don’t probe for an explanation. My fantasy-ego tells me that she’s bragging about how amazing I am to her best girl and gay friends, and their imaginations aren’t good enough. They need visual confirmation of this Shaolin monk of sex she was just with, a view of his staff. Or maybe she’s going to rub one out and needs a little bit of a reminder to push her over the edge.
Photography is an art, and a d*ck pic doesn’t get a free pass.
Since it’s almost always a selfie — as asking a buddy at the gym to take it from your best angle is not going to go over well the next time you need a spot — this becomes a multi -dimensional process.
You can’t send her a picture of your manhood in its smallest state, a dried up slug, dead in a nest of pubic hair. You must decide, do you show full chub or full erect? Most women will tell you, just like what they said in Tropic Thunder, you never show fully erect.
The erect penis seems uncontrolled, mindless, ready to be put anywhere. An un-tamable snake. A bad decision making one-eyed-pirate.
Most women want something softer, something they can work with, something they can help get to that state of no return. They don’t want it ready to finish. They want to participate, help mold and shape the erection.
In my own study of women’s reaction to d*ck pics for this article, I ventured onto a dating site that allows men to not only show the full Monty, but allows other members to comment on these pictures. As much as I didn’t like browsing other men’s junk, I did take a few hours to look at a hundred pictures and read hundreds of comments.
I learned that bigger d*cks — those above the Kinsey 5-7 inch average — got the most likes from both women and men. Average and smaller sizes weren’t shamed for the most part, but hardly ever had the amount of offers for free servicing than their bigger competitors. Some of those that seemed ready to explode, had a fair share of likes and nice comments, mostly by gay/bi men. Most of the women seem to gravitate to the thickened up, yet hanging-relaxed phallus.
The money shot pictures got some attention, again mostly by other men.
Women are visual. They like pretty things. They like pictures of puppies, kittens, sunsets and babies.
They also like porn. But they don’t like porn forced on them. Most don’t like to open a jpg and find themselves staring down a urethra or seeing dirty boxer briefs pulled down in a bathroom to expose a strange d*ck.
So when sending a picture of your best friend, make sure the lady has asked to see him.
Then take a little time to prep the little soldier. Get some good lighting, give him a nice hair cut — that doesn’t mean going bald, but trim the grass around the mailbox on the plus side. Hey, it might even give the perception of an extra inch.
Photo credit: Flickr/BdwXyV